OP how old are you ? your gf is 21 so you should be around 23 then right ? damn you are pretty mature ! When I was 23 I was the "jealous for anything" guy and it broke my relationships because of that. Now, I think like you, you took the right decisions. You guys are still young, commitment at that young age, maybe one of you or both of you will regret it later. My moto is: if you truly love someone, you must be able to let it go if he/she isn't happy anymore with you. Its' ok to try once or twice to repair things but that's it.
Though I'm not much older, I do say when I was your age, my girlfriend at the time had traveled to another country for some time, and also came to the conclusion of the the grass is greener on the other side. Despite staying together, after a while the relationship eventually failed. I dare not say where your relationship is headed, but take it as a warning. Trust is a good thing, no doubt but.. ignorance is not. Since it's just all words, its hard for me to know if you're trusting her and accepting what she did, or blinded by love and then accepting whatever she did. You're her boyfriend, not a safety net, she can't at her will decide to leave you alone for a while and experience the joy of the worlds and then come back to you afterwards for whatever reasons, likewise she wouldn't be too happy if you went to meet up with another girl for a week or two. From here on out, you're decision was to give it all another shot which no one can judge if it was wrong or not except you. But be absolutely sure that you two are in love with each other, and not in love with the idea of being in love...it's two different things (makes us do irrational things!). Regardless, you two are still young, there will be many more headaches ahead of you guys~ Just take it a step at a time.
From a girl's perspective, I went through the same thing when I was 20 when I left for a summer program in Quebec. Even though my boyfriend and I skyped, he just seemed clingy to me in that he was always the one to initiate a conversation or skype call and I wasn't particularly longing for those calls, wondering what he was up to, etc. I would be out trying new things and meeting new people and everything exciting that was going on made the boyfriend seem more like an anchor :( I started wondering whether it was normal for him to miss me more than I missed him. Thinking back on it now, I was over thinking things for someone my age. In actuality, I think I wanted him to get a life outside of me (barely had friends that we didn't already then share). Something that we could talk to each other about without both of us actually having been there. I probably wouldn't have had those thoughts of "are we actually right for each other?" if I was wondering what he was up to while I was out and about. Unfortunately, I think it felt more along the lines of "I'm doing all these new things and you're waiting at home for me to tell you about them." So if this sounds familiar, I'd advise you to go and do something for yourself, not just as a couple. What also didn't help that at the time were couples around me that had been together since the beginning of high school that seemed like their relationship had become just "bleh." Their commitment to each other seemed like it was just for the sake of commitment and I didn't want to become them. It didn't help that we as a couple had started running out of new things to do together which furthered my thoughts of having become an old married couple. So I understand where your girlfriend is coming from with her thoughts of "losing her youth." In the end, we broke up and it was devastating even though I was the one who wanted it. I missed the feelings I had during the courtship (feeling desired by this new person that's new and interesting) and the absence of it made me waver and question everything. My advice to your relationship would be to bring back the exciting moments of when you were pursuing her and if that didn't exist, then to start it now. I can't explain the exact details because it probably varies by person, but overall...it's the feeling that comes from knowing the guy is afraid of losing your attention at any moment, the feeling of being desired and not just already "taken" and in for the long haul. If you end up doing something on your own and find that you too don't miss her as much...that's probably normal but I'd imagine you'd want to share news in your life with your sig other in a way that's like "wow that's interesting/annoying/bleh/blah, I'mma tell so and so about it later" The lack of new conversation really got to me :\ If you find that spending time together and talking about your new findings feels like a report or even troublesome and out of your way...well then you've got trouble. Hope that helped.
LD really doesnt last. Like this girl from class, she was dating this guy for a number of years, but then took a year to go work overseas before coming back to finish the last year of school. I think at times maybe he visited? idk, knew her, didnt know him. anyways, all of a sudden, all pictures and posts and notes and stuff that had him in it were all deleted.....and i thought she turned lesbian But hey who knows, that Halo 3 LD relationship lol.....maybe itll work, maybe not. [video=youtube;3fGRQwn9nUw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fGRQwn9nUw&feature=player_embedded[/video] @suijei, yeah defn do not be clingy.....learnt it the hard way..
btw the video is supposedly the two met on halo 3 five years ago, and then they became skype , fb, myspace, twitter friends an then things blossomed
This was actually a genuinely nice and well thought out post... and probably the only one that actually struck a chord with me. You're a smart cookie Suijei. Relationships aren't easy, breakups are terrible, and the lingering feelings for things you miss can be so, so painful. If you lived in the same city as me i'd totally buy you a beer, but best I can do under the circumstances is tell you I appreciate how you feel, and that I think every single thing you wrote was 100% true according to my own worldview. Cheers dudette. * also, no one who has experienced anything similar could blame you for wanting out of that relationship. You did the right thing in the end, but I'm sure you know that already.
Suijei did you go out and spend all your money for a plane ticket to meet a guy for two weeks from the internet whom you've known online for 5 years even when your bf and friends didn't approve of you going before telling him hes not the one? :trollface2:
^ wow didnt even bother to read eh??? anyway, OP, good to hear she got home safely... assuming that she didnt cheat while she was in toronto... unless u guys can go n explore the world together i dont think ur relationship will last very long... she lost her heart in toronto (to the city n the thought that everything is more fun n exciting over there, not being very realistic imo) she is still young and it is normal to want to go out there and see the world but if shes not anxious to share her stories with u n if she doesnt miss u then thats a very bad sign... i understand that you love each other but if she stays with u then she might regret not traveling later on... if she really loves u then shed definitely ask u to come with.... furthermore, dont u think its not right that ur own gf leaves n doesnt miss u because she is out there meeting new people etc? also, your life together was good before but because she decided to go on that trip, now she realizes that all of a sudden its not good enough? when ur in a relationship for a long time, of course it gets less exciting.. happens in like 99% of the relationships! i only hear u taking blame n saying that u will try harder but is she trying to put any effort into this at all?
