Begging for forgiveness??

I have been practicing meditation for sometimes now and recently, something that happened 17 years ago come to mind out of the blue.

When I was in high school, I also attended a gifted program in a reputable college. Each student have an assigned "college" mentor who s/he lived with on campus every summer during the four years. I grew especially closed to this one guy (not my mentor but one of them in the program) and we shared a lot of stories about ourselves .. background and blah, blah, blah. One time, he told me about his "first" time and it was with another female mentor in the prog. It was supposed to be a secret.

Unfortunately, I was also closed to another students (ex-gf) and accidentally and I do mean accidentally, blab it out when we chatted over the phone. The female mentor was actually her mentor .. what a coincidence it was. Anyway, I told her not to tell anybody about it afterward.

Obviously, y'all know the rest of the story .. she blabbed it out to another friend of the program and the female mentor learned about it. She was very awkward and left the program. The guy obviously got the news and confronted me about why I told others about it. I DENIED it only to be told that I am the only one he has ever shared the story. I GOT CAUGHT LYING.

I eventually wrote him an apology letter and ended my friendship with that gal (exgf). The guy forgave me but our relationship was never the same again .. very distance now .. so much that I wasn't even invited to his wedding. We hung out a few time afterward and he helped me got my first job at a very good com right after college but I never really apologize to him face-to-face. I sorta pretended it was over and moved on.

The fact that this came to mind out of the blue and yes, I do care a lot about the relationship. Do ya'll think I should just meet up with him and apologize in person even after these many years .. kinda get it off my chest thing? Probably think I am crazy??
Thinking back .. I was hurt quite a bit .. I lost three supposedly friends (the guy, gf, and program female mentor) as well as the trust from those who knew/heard about it. I was afraid to go back to reunion cuz of this incident. The guy went to all of it but stopped after the incident too.

Sigh .. what do ya'll think??????? Too gay if I do so .. right??

 

IMHO, trust is indeed a very fragile thing. You very obviously have a ton of regret; however, all the regret in the world won't ever put your relationship back to where it was. Believe me, you're not the only one in the world who wishes that he could take words back. That is sometimes one of the hardest and harshest lesson that life gives you. And yes, you can still call the guy up and set up a meeting and have a heart to heart, but be realistic; you've already colored how he had felt about you for the last 17 years. All the apologies and soul searching isn't going to heal that scar in his heart, nor the scar from the bullet you yourself had put into your own foot. Frankly, I would suggest you move on.

Just my two cents.

 

Very true .. just thought I should let it out instead of keeping it inside me. I know that thing won't change between us but I should still properly apologize for my wrongdoing; owning up to it rather than avoiding it sorta speak. We'll see. ... I haven't decided yet.

I seriously don't know how people can for forgive and forget. Can you really do that???

 

I know we can forgive... but forgetting is another story
it's always going to be on the back of someone's mind

 

thought this thread was started by the dude whos girl went off to meet some other dude for a few days.

 

Men are not girls....and hopefully your mentor can accept the apology and not gonna keep shits in mind......so again, just say sry and get it over with....no need to suck each other's dick.........

 

There's the old adage about striking while the iron's hot, in this case meaning that you've already allowed such a long time frame to elapse, even the most forgiving of souls may find it hard to dismiss almost two decades of ill will. On the other hand, the other party may see that even as he'd probably forgotten about the whole thing already, he may be moved to know that you're still carrying such a burden of guilt; that you're truly and genuinely remorseful of your actions and loss of his trust and friendship. In this case, let your judgment be the guide as to what is best for you.

Yes and no; some of the most petty people that I've run into are men; some guys I know have held grudges for as long as I can remember, LOL... One can say that they act like "girls" and all, but IMHO, they're just being people. Ironically, men sometimes may also refuse to accept an apology because it would seem unmanly.

 

secrets.. it gets passed around..

if they mean that much to you.. then you know what to do.. go take him out for a drink.. they'll forget all about it as you make your apology lol

 

It's obviously still bothering you, so just say something to get it off your chest. Then you don't have to worry about it anymore.
If anything, you coming out and apologizing let's him know how much the relationship you share means to you.