this is just my very own personal opinion, and i'm sorry if it comes out the wrong way, but this girl is making you seem pathetic. I think deep down you already know what you should do but just don't want to accept it as reality from what you've told us about her and what she has said to you. thus, you rationalize your current situation and tell yourself: maybe if i continue doing what i'm doing, i'll be able to get her. most of us on the forums have already pointed you in the most sensible direction in terms of opinions/advice. let's say you gun it out and stay with her, and you get into the bf/gf zone, how confident are you that she won't be thinking about someone else while being in your arms?? i personally feel that kind of love is pretty damn painful, since she's right in front of you but her heart is with another. all in all, i wish you the best of luck bro. PS. NASH IS A LAKER!! let's go get that 6th ring for ma boi kobe ^^
Okay for better clarity i totally forgot to include this... She said she feels "it", its just shes too scared to leave that guy. That guy KNOWS that I like her already, yet not stopping anything between us. She said she wants continue her impact to his life, and that could mean many ways. She feels bad about leaving him, and that I'm still pursuing her, and could have done the same to someone else because she thinks shes a mess right now. oh..ps: she did admit shes already fullfilling the girlfriend mode between us.
Lol this girl sounds like she's got a huge baggage with her. So much drama going on, I wouldn't even waste my time.
i know its painful but you gotta drop her.... this is coming from someone who's been there before and im pretty sure you are going to exhaust all options before you will but when you realize she's nothing but trouble after all the headaches and troubles you're going to realize she wasn't worth it. Drop her
^ ang do you still have that thread with your situation? Maybe you can PM him the link, I think he might benefit from it.
nah its gone but listen to this song , it tells a good story [video=youtube;jMK8blBJHMw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMK8blBJHMw[/video]
Hey it took quite a while to update this... Long story short, so good things happened between us before she left to toronto to see her ex. after toronto she got things re established with him again so I guess we are only gonna be best friends for now... and whatever happens to us in the future holds all possibilities.. thanks everyone, and hadouken for your song...it does speak a very good story, at least it relates! on a side note: if anyone is watching ghetto justice 2 right now, I feel like i'm Lynette...LOL (im on episode 6) anyways.. one last thanks for everyones input!! if you got a similar situation i dont mind you using this thread for it. if theres any update i have i will let you guys know... LOl
Wow it's interesting that you're choosing to be around her, never mind being best friends. You not only got friend zoned, but you got bff zoned, which is probably the worst place to be in. If you like to settle for being just friends, you've done a great job! Now if you want to not make your life miserable, don't even talk to her. And here's why. You like this girl. You're now in a position where you'll see her very frequently, and she'll be pouring her girl stories on you, as well as knowing you can't get her because she's got a dude. As a BFF, she now knows you'll be there, and she'll take you for granted. Buddy, this future you're talking about, let me tell you what it will be: - She sees you as a person who she can pour all her guy problems to. - You'll have a painful reminder every time you see her, that she's got a dude. - You won't be able to move on and find other girls. Shit dude, I would hate to be in your BFF shoes.
I see where your coming from dan, and I respect your perspective and opinion. Thanks bro! And... Being bestfriends doesnt meant I actually got friend zoned. We both agree to have a positive growing relationship, whatever we end up in the future we don't know. Let's be honest, what's happening now doesnt mean it will be the same later, right? Of course it would be a pain in the ass to be around her and listen to the shit she might tell me about her dude, however if I decided to not stick around her, how will that benefit our relationship, her and I? I'm doing this so Im not just stuck on the possibility of getting her, but the possibility of someone new that might come in my life. I think thats unconditional love, and not just leave her because I didn't get what I want, that's selfish.
Through my experience I've learned that the more you stick around with a girl, treat her nice and be a "friend" for her the less likely you are going to hook up with her. If you keep some distance or even act a bit cold with them they'll start looking for you, calling you, etc. Nice guys finish last!!
If you want honesty, I'll give you honesty. It's not going to work. I don't mean to be disrespectful, but you have a pretty naive outlook on love, and that only happens in movies. "I'm doing this so I'm not stuck on the possibility of someone new..." This sounds like a recipe for a life of celibacy. So when she marries some other dude and has kids, you'll still stick around hoping you'll be together? And you say it's selfish? I call this "unconditional love" immaturity. Disney love (as I like to call it), is for the movies. It doesn't work in real life. In a few years, if that really did happen (girl marries some other dude, has kids, and has the perfect life) what will you do? What I said may seem disrespectful, but that's not what I meant to convey. I've tried to put it as mildly as I could. If you don't heed advice, you'll be in for a life of pain. But hey you know what? It's your life. You do whatever you want. I do hope the day arrives early when you realize the fallacy of "unconditional love". Hopefully it's not too late for you to find another girl.
Dan, I totally know what you're saying. And... best friends its just a status, im not still gonna talk to her every single day, hang out with her single day, its just really being there for each other with some "special ingredients" in our relationship. There's kinda no right or wrong answer to this, and I guess its foolish to me to lose a great human being in my life. I'm going to focus on my career right now, and what I mean by possibilities in the future is that I know were both on our different paths again. and if history repeats it self and it usually does, im just not weeding out the possibility of her and I's path might reconnect again in the future. im flirting with other girls now too, thats kinda what I meant by possibilities? Im just trying to get things simpler and less complicated. Anyways... Dan, I love your perspective and advice truthfully... it is totally hard to live through it jsut by being a by stander in someones life. And wilson, yea LOL.... im a NG
Lol, I wanted to give you some opinions but, it's settled already. But it was a pretty interesting story. tranceNrg I think you are like a brother for her now, if something bad happens, she will going back to you and cry it out. If it's ok again between her and her bf, she will go back. It's good that you're meeting other girls now, because waiting for her will not work. Give yourself some time and I think you will find a better girl than her. Good luck. P.s. don't do the same thing that you did with that girl (waiting for her and helping her with her ex/bf etc), or you will always a supporter / stay in the friend zone.
im open to any opinions, its a great way to learn. So please spill some if you would. and nope i never tried to help her with her ex, it was never my intention to help them back to together. Im letting her do what makes her happy. And... Nope.. i told her were not gonna be brothers or sisters or best friends. She also told me im not friend zoned. Theres still that energy of love when we commute. so lols it sounds complicated when it really isnt. ahah
Trance mate, You sound like you are on the 'Hook' ( Watch How i met your mother - Hooked episode). You are just there at her convenience, you are that FRIEND that she goes to to moan about her BF/colleagues. Think about this, when you were with her when she was single, why didn't you two start up a relationship? instead she went back and got back with her Ex instead? Bro the first thing you need to do is admit this to yourself that you are JUST a friend and that you've been friend zoned. Secondly, you need to distance yourself from her for a week or two so you can get over her and find other girls because when you are crushing real hard like you are now, you don't really pursue other girls etc. In addition, on her front, i know that you want to ultimately end up with her so you don’t want to end your current relationship with her, which is fair and i will not tell you to completely end it with her. But you need to stop messaging/calling her, let her call you etc and also if she wants to hang out etc ,don't be so willingly available all the time, tell her that you are busy even if you're not. You cant always be there for her, you got to be seen as a potential partner not a lap dog, I am not saying she is using you but she sounds like she is keeping you on the hook so you wont end your relationship with her. You can still be a nice guy, just don’t be the lap dog/always available 24/7 guy. I know its hard to admit it to yourself but once you do you will realise everything and also your chances may increase when she becomes single again.
Update: She broke up with him during christmas Now she would want to focus on healing herself, and her career. I still have feelings for her since I've been actually waiting What can I do to help her move on so we can start the next step of our relationship above "friends". . . . She did admit she has feelings still for me. Thanks!
I honestly don't understand this concept of being hung up on one person, i.e. one-itis.. I'm not targeting you OP, I'm just saying that there are so many people who are so hung up on one particular person, without having gone on a single date to find out of there is chemistry between one and the other. It's like they are in love with being in love with that person. Pretty god damn irrational if you ask me. Anyway I digress. If you want my sincere advice, leave the poor girl alone. She's just got out of a fucking relationship, and you're more worried about what YOU want (i.e. her), than helping her in her current state of mind. She says she has feelings for you, well guess what. She just got out of a relationship, and she isn't used to the single life yet. Obviously she's still intoxicated on the idea of a companion. I know you like this girl, but here are the facts: 1) You haven't gone on a single date to judge whether or not you're even compatible and you're already planning your wedding. 2) She just got out of a relationship and you're just worried about hooking up with her. 3) Instead of helping her heal herself and help her career as she wished, you're more worried about the fact that you're waiting. Do you know why nice guys like you finish last? Because nice guys are jerks. Nice guys are more worried about being nice to a girl, with the sole purpose of hooking up with a girl. "Hey, I've been waiting for this girl, I've done a bunch of nice shit for this girl, I must therefore be entitled to this girl." I'm sorry to break a brick over your head, because if you really want to hook up with this girl you're fancying your ass over, you need to realize what makes girls not want to date with people with your current attitude. TL;DR: Nice guys are the assholes, not the assholes that girls go out with. So help her because you sincerely and genuinely want to help her, as a friend. Not because you want to hook up with her.
Hello Dan, thank you for your feedback. If the message you got from me that I'm all worried about hooking up with her and being "nice" to her. Well I can genuinely respond to you that I am not. As a human being, I do have my desires, and yes I do want to be with this girl. it could've been my way of explaining it with not much information or just a way of explaining my "desire", and with a sudden slight update after 6 months since the last post, it could seem like that I'm very obsessed of this girl. Now, I am responsible for my own choice of who I want to be with and what I was really asking was an opinion on how should I be around her because I understand that she just got out of a relationship, and I've been there when she needs it. I don't literally stop my life to win her right now while other areas of my life are progressing dramatically, therefore I give her and I tons of space to do what we want to do. What I'm really asking is: Should I just stay the same and let her know I'm still here. OR be like YOLO and Find new (I've been like this for 6 months not 1 girl has the qualities I want) OR ??????????????? Tons of possibilities from here, and all I asked for is suggestions Anyways, Thanks Dan, for your honest reply.
i think it's been pointed out fairly early that you should go find a new girl. you're just too hooked onto her to accept the fact that there is, if any, a slim possibility of a future with her. you can't predict the future right? y bet on that slim possibility? accept the fact that at the present, she sees you nothing more than just a friend, nd just go find a new girl. if you stay the same, you'd just continue being the guy on the side find a new girl and move on
