I'm just thinking back at the memories of school. I don't have much friends but when i went to this highschool there was this really nice outgoing girl who always tried to talk to me and i did talk back though. I'm very quiet and always alone and she would always come up to me and start talking to me, but she never ever say "oh why you so quiet" like most people say which really annoys me. So sometimes i wonder why she is so nice trying to befriend me when i'm so boring? Then 1 yr later after i graduated she asked me to hang out with a few people who i sat with at lunch with and i was really uncomfortable, so i didn't talk that much. I think after that incident she stopped trying to talk to me.. now i really regret it having such a good friend. I know i should just learn from that mistake and try to tell myself to talk more in the future because i literally have zero friends Now that i'm at uni i don't really know how to make friends. I wonder if i ever see her again that we can be friends again? :s it's just that i'm really surprised and thankful that someone actually wants to befriend a quiet person like me.
Stop thinking that way. If you ever see her again, and if you are friends again, great. If not, it doesn't matter. And there's two ways of looking at things: A) You're thankful that someone actually wants to befriend you. OR B) People actually want to befriend you because of the awesome person that you are. With A, you'll continue to be the timid, shy person that you are, and have the "I'll take whatever I can" attitude. With B, you can change yourself to become the awesome person you can become, have great friends, have a great time, and be happy. The first step is to step out of your shell, go to college/university clubs, go to social events, get out of your comfort zone. An introvert can excel in an extroverted world. I was one of them. It can be done. So go out, feel awesome, and make the change happen.
you learn and grow through different experiences whether it be good or bad just enjoy life, and take it as it comes =)
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us; I'm sure that it took a lot of emotion courage to come on to a public forum with it. From your general tone of regret, you seem troubled by the fact that you had a friendship opportunity, but needlessly squandered the moment. Friends which fit our personalities are not easy to make. It takes a tremendous amount of effort. The more we ourselves are demandingly particular, the harder it is to establish relationships with others. There are some people who can literally get along with everyone and hence has many acquaintances, while others, who are exacting in their own lives and world views, have few. But the need for companionship is a genuine human need. So what to do about it? I'm not going to speak of that particular loss of friendship in your past, but rather in general about how friendships can happen. From where I sit, your story details two important clues; one, you're relatively shy (reserved, avoidance of attention, potential for embarrassment) and two, you're relatively lonely and it frightens you. This is an age old problem that they've even made movies of (remember Marty?). At any rate, I would suggest that you go out and do things which require an investment of your time, effort, and more importantly, your ability to look beyond the faults and limitations of other people. Try volunteering. For example, check with your local soup kitchen that feeds the homeless. Doing something like this would accomplish two things; one, get you out of your shyness shell, and two, get you to see people as people, ie as something besides the discomfort that they cause you, but where you can do it on relatively neutral ground. That is, none of these people really know you so it doesn't matter if you embarrass yourself. Then, back in university, join clubs or associations that do such things. It allows one the sense of achievement, solidarity and brotherhood that is often the basis of new friendships. Obviously, there is no real fool proof perfect formula to resolve what has been, until now, a lifetime of your ingrained personality. But Dan and Reno are right; the choice though, is obviously your's. IMHO, you can either elect to do something drastic to come out of your shell, or retreat into it further but all the while suffer your own unforgiving sense of need. However, the fact that you've already recognize that there is a problem is the first step towards solving it. I wish you well, and good luck.
Friends come and go .... typical of life. You just gotta step up and make new ones. How? Like Ralph said, volunteer, join a club, and/or go to church. Think of something to break the ice and get the conversation going ....
I'd say that going out to do things that you are particularly interested in can be especially helpful. If you have a particular hobby, sport, or whatever that you like, then being in that element can already make you feel comfortable/want to talk to others. Don't worry about being interesting or whether the other person is judging you. Everyone is interesting in their own way. Others may have to put in a little more effort to get to know you, but that doesn't mean you are not interesting or someone not worth knowing. See this in yourself and it will start becoming more apparent to others. Even if you don't feel that way, exude it and you can fake it until you make it. Also, you don't have to become a raging social butterfly to be happy with the friends you have. Quality over quantity. Take risks and gain some self confidence, but don't force yourself to turn into some uber social butterfly if that just isn't you.
well if you do see them again.. definitely take the chance and do your best to try to be friends again. They sound like a really nice person.
I find that i'm very awkward at uni and my mind is kind of blank so i don't really know what to say. I think most people still hang out with their highschool friends more than uni friends.. I really do hope i bump into her one day :s
Social interaction is something you practice. You aren't born with it. 100% of my friends I've met outside of high school. If you think "oh I'm shy, I was born this way, there's nothing I can do" then I'm sorry, I can help you no further. When I got into university, I was the epitome of socially awkward. Trust me when I say it's a practiced skill, not a birth skill. You can wait for her if you want. But if that's the only course of action you have, I'm sorry but you'll be waiting until then end of time. Anyway what are you doing now? You're talking with a total stranger aren't you? Your mind isn't blank and is full of ideas right? Do the same thing in real life. It's no different.
Oops, I posted this in the wrong thread. I agree with Dan. 1st step to becoming more open as a person is to try and put yourself out there, meet new people. It'll of course be out of your comfort zone, but if it's something you really want, you just have to truck through it. If you want to try and befriend that girl again, you could always try searching for her? Yes, a little creepy... but no harm in that. Search for her in your yearbook, find her on facebook. Just because you're shy and awkward now, doesn't mean you always will be. As Dan mentioned, it's a skill you have to work on.
Okay .. I gonna get laughed at for sharing this but here you go .. do what I did .. pretend you run out of paper or lost your pen and ask someone to loan you one .. get the conversation going .. then pretend to be stupid and ask for help with homework or review for an exam in the class .. exchange number and email .. blah, blah .. it worked for me especially getting gals' number. One thing I learned in life is that meeting people and making friends are easy but keeping and having close friends are difficult. Friendship is like all relationships, build over time and two-way communication ... but as life gets more hectic with family and work, people move and lose contact .. what to do? Nothing. Life goes on .. you meet new ones and form new close bond again. Every now and then, you run into old friends and you catch up again so the story goes ... but if communication isn't regular .. the close friendship is no longer there.
Last time when we hang out together she asked me if i have facebook but i said no.. it's just because don't have enough friends to make facebook, so if i have a facebook and have few friends then it will look weird
Live your life simply. You don't need facebook to make friends. In fact, I'm considering getting rid of mine. Facebook doesn't make friends, it makes acquaintances. Facebook dissolves the importance of friendships, by facilitating new connections that are meaningless. I've got hundreds of "friends" on facebook, but only a handful of "true" friends. Like Negiq said, close friends are hard to come by, and they won't come by using facebook. Go out. Go to meetups. Shy? Not a problem. Keep going out. Go to events you enjoy, hobbies and activities that you gain pleasure from. Whether they are games, anime, cars, sports, books, etc, go out. The ability to make friends is a two way thing. You need to take the initiative by stepping out, reach out to people. Right now, you're hoping people reach out to you. The majority of people are shy, they wait for people to reach out to them with a hand of friendship. If someone reached out to you with a hand of friendship, how great would you feel? So be proactive, and be the one to extend the hand, not wait for it. If you are shy and timid, that's absolutely normal. Everyone is. But here's a secret, people don't judge you if you're shy, yet you have the courage to reach out. People praise you. People admire you. People only judge you if you make excuses and find alternatives like facebook. Be the great person that you can be. Don't give people the opportunity to judge you. I emphasize, go out, step out of your comfort zone. Do it for 21 days. You will feel so much better about yourself, and you will feel awesome. Everyone has what it takes to be the person they want. All that's required is the first step out of one's comfort zone. Start by chatting with people, every day, and come back in 21 days, and tell us how awesome you've become.
Wow thanks so much Dan for the encouragement & i really appreciate it I think you are very right that i should introduce myself to others first but it's very hard to find the chance. i forgot to say that yesterday i bumped into someone who i used to go to tafe with but now we are in the same uni. I actually did talk to that person quite abit and she even ask for my number and to hang out sometime i feel kinda scared because i don't really know many places and rarely go out and i'm afraid that if they ask me "oh which places do you usually go or etc" i will be like i don't know.. it will feel like i'm a lonely & they will probably freak out or something It's because majority of people hang around the city but i just go to uni for 3hrs a day & go straight home.
Hey, you're welcome. Btw me too, I go to university and go straight home. My trips to school is 2.5 hours one way lol. But think about it, during that 3 hours a day, how many people are within talking distance with you? If you drink coffee and are ordering a coffee at Starbucks, are you not talking to the barrista when you order? Most just say "hi can I get a whatever drink?". Take a bit more time, consider how great you can make the barrista feel by showing appreciation: "Morning, how are you?" and a genuine smile. They answer, and THEN you order. Here's a new way you can look at things. Right now you're worried about what to say, and finding the chance to talk to people by introducing yourself to people right? Forget about it. Forget all about yourself. Instead, make people feel good. People love attention. People love themselves. Make them feel good. Consider them. Forget about introducing yourself as a starter, because that's self-centered. Focus on genuinely be appreciative of the other. The barrista feels like shit after repetitively hearing "Can I get a [insert drink]?". An old granny gets on a crowded bus with no seats. Genuinely care for her by giving up your seat to her, and truly care about helping her feel comfortable. A girl looks at you. Genuinely smile back at her. In fact whoever you interact with, genuinely smile back. People love smiles and smiles uplift a person's mood. Though don't smile at everyone or people will think of you as a huge creeper. But the only way you know what to say or when to smile or when to do anything is by making mistakes. You will make mistakes, but don't think of them as the end of the world. It happens to everyone and is part of the process. You learn and move on. So in the end, don't dwell on scripting a dialogue to introduce yourself. Don't try and find a chance. Like I said, live your life simply. Just say "Hi, how are you?" to a person you're interacting with. Carry on the conversation with the idea of trying to make the other person feel good.
Mistakes also make great story fodder and you can laugh at it later ...or someone else can be laughing at you later, but there's no harm in that! More laughter is generally a good thing and you probably don't know that person (or if you do you can laugh about it together)
if anyone wanna make a friend in Toronto, hit me up :biggthumpup: (serious, im a dude btw) I used to be akward and shy and what i realize is if you are akward and shy.. then you will be treated that way. As Dan said, if you want to make friends, you've got to be genuinely interested in doing so. The biggest tip i can give to you to make people like and appreciate you is to be a good listener and genuinely appreciate what they are saying and respond in a way where you are interested. No one likes a fake so be genuine or it will be picked up real fast. Be a good listener because people like to talk about themselves more then anything else. [video=youtube;6sbhFIz3FS0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sbhFIz3FS0[/video] [video=youtube;x4dxy46Ju7Q]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4dxy46Ju7Q[/video]
