eh, um not quite possible i know what the reasons are, since i know the guy for so long and i know he wont tell his brother and i'm not going to tell him either, because it's not my place to say anything
I WANNA FUCKING CRY wait it's not want to, i am, and i have many times today originally we were all going to hang out in a huge group, and i called the older brother, cause he's the "planner" of these things to see what was up, and i asked him if i could have some time to talk to him alone tonight and he seemed reluctant, he's like "i'll see" WTF, i'm your close friend, with problems, and that's all you can say to me??? later he called me to say he was going to bail on us today, which included him, his gf, and of course his younger brother . . . so i called him to talk to him, (to find out he bailed on us) i told him that i REALLY wanted to talk to him so he tried to make me do it on the phone i talked about how he had been acting differently/like an ass to me lately how come he wont listen to me and my problems, or ask me how my day was, or any caring thoughts (like he did before he discouvered about me and his brother), but since the whole relationship still isn't in the air, i said it by time frame i said that we dont even hang out anymore, and he had so many excuses which i mean his excuses are valid, because he's busy doing things with his life, investments . . but those were his excuse why he has no time to listen to his friend? "why do we have to be alone when we talk?" he asks man, aren't there ever issues that you dont want the whole world to know? and the whole thing with the brother i asked him to cut out the aditude he gets when his brother mentions my name he pretended to be COMPLETELY CLUELESS to what i was talking aboutit's acts very well, but i know it is the case, becuase i have not been the only one to go, "wow what the hell is wrong with him" it's not a little, well is he mad? it's more of the WTF shoved a stick up his ass i dunno i'm crying, cause i may be loseing the guy and i may also be loseing a close friend too
Very tricky to advise! Have you watched "My Sassy Girl"? If not watch this film. Then , try this with bravery and determination. Have a meeting with the young brother, say that you both shall not see each other for 6 months or one year. Then you will mutually put a date in the diary to meet again at a pre-arranged place and see how you two still feel for each other. Some how for a young man of 19 with dependency on someone for money and living this person is unlikely to be able to have more self determination yet. The best news is that time is what you have plenty of! There is a lot going for you. At a distance, with time, both of you will see future more clearly.
seriously i don't see why the older brother is trying to stop the whole thing. i mean the younger brother is old enough to see who ever he wants. Both of you should approach him directly and just talk about it, ask him what the problem is. I don't think he's willing to lose a friend just to stop you guys from going out. maybe he just hasn't had time to accept it yet and thats why he is acting like a dick to you. anyways goodluck with it all.
but still, being protective of a younger sibling is completely understandable. i would do the same to my brother. BUT IT IS IN NO WAY correct to sacrifice, and make suffer any other being. i may protect my younger brother, but i will NOT do it for the price of another's happiness. i cherish any and every relationship between anyone, even a stranger. and it is absolutely unthinkable to do such selfish things.. i cannot, for the love of god, comprehend why he would sacrifice the relationship between a close friend.. maybe i was raised differently, and to him, family comes first, but to me, any and every relationship is equally important. i also fail to comprehend why a human being can be so disrespectful toward a very close friend. if this had happened to me, and please take no offense, is a signal that my "close friend" is not as close as he/she said he/she is. he may be applying the "bros before hoes" proverb. but 'bros' includes tight friends, whether theyre male of female. but perhaps the reason of his denial could be because of something else... you did right in trying to talk to him alone. you did nothing wrong. in fact, thats how anyone should approach it. but the obstacle that youre facing can only be corrected by the brother himself. theres nothing no one can do. you can continue trying to talk to him alone about things, but until he realizes his fault, im afraid theres nothing anybody can do.. if you need anything else, you can reach me if you like. just tell me, and i will pm you my msn. feel free.
stuff like this always ends with someone pissed off.. then someone crying.. just gotta choose.. but since his bro. has made the decision. It's time you take actions and take his little brother away from him!! Then manipulate his brother to turn on him.
a few things, sounds like the older brother isn't exactly being co-operative, but at the same time it doesn't sound like the younger brother is being exactly being a "man" in the case of your relationship. I know you "like" the guy, but if he isn't willing to fight to be with you, even with his older brother, I'm not sure if you really want to continue, because it's causing problems now. That being said, you need to ask yourself what you whether or not you want the relationship more or the friend more... Don't forget you guys are still pretty young, so anything can happen. That being said, you should talk with the other brother again and just ask him what exactly bothers him about the two of you dating, is the fact that you're dating his younger brother or is it the fact that you guys had to sneak around to do it... But try not to be too confrontational about it, not exactly easy. But levelling with him and tell him to level with you might help. If you don't think you can keep calm in a face to face meeting, you may want to do it over a phone call, or something along those lines, since he's going out of his way to avoid talking to you face to face.
~hugs~ thank you so much sigh, apparently we must of had a huge fight, i was not the only one upet by this call cause the guy (i like) called me a few hours later (when his brother as not around), totalk to meabout it cause he heard everything onthe other side of the phone and he was worrid about why i would suddenly bring all of this up why today? why now? did something happen? unfortuatly i had relatives from outof town here, so i couldn't talk about it but it was rather embarrasing getting back to my cousins trying to hide my tears
i agree with the others above, i don't get why the older brother is being so protective, yes it might be wierd having your sibling date a close friend but if it happens then just let it flow. The younger brother should be old enough to do what he thinks is right. ^Aya-chan, i think the reason why the younger brother is not being a "man" about it is because his older brother is too protective, and so he doesn't have enough of that independent-ness (such a word?) to try and confront the situation at hand. But i agree, try not to be confrontational about it, if the older brother is a reasonable person then i don't think it will be too hard to persuade him to just let you guys be.
^ in fact, youre absolutely right. i myself am guilty of that behavior towards my brother. now that i yealize my mistakes, i try to fix it up by making him more independent. i fully regret being too over-protective.. being protective is good, but not to the point that it ruins your siblings behavior. i observed that the majority of siblings are still oblivious to the fact that being too over-protective makes the sibling depend on them. this situation evolved from a friends issue to a family problem... until the younger brother realizes that he must step up, and the older realizes that he is making the younger weaker, its a stalemate. i usually counsel my friends in this matter, but in this case, i really dont know what advice to offer.. i am very sorry smallrinilady... you did everything i wouldve advised..
I've been talking to several people our friends apparently the brother, has been treating not just me but other's different too so it's not just me, but of course to me is still ALOT meaner so lots of people are telling me, not to consider him such a close friend anymore, not to worry about him as much anymore, cause he has made it pretty clear that the friendship is not what it use to be anymore sigh that's just a quite note i'll explain more when i have more time
just curious, if you dont mind, his girlfriend... how long have they been together? some insensible guys tend to put their girls before friends.. and i think thats just ridiculous..
I think you're worrying about the brother a lil too much.. You're trying to get that young piece of ass after all.. who gives a damn about the older brother.. you win some n you lose some.. now are you jus gonna sit there and feel bad... or are you gonna start taking actions and get the younger brother!?
it's not that bad.. he likes you.. you like him. that 's all that matters. ok the bro doesnt' like it.. sooner or later he'd have to accept it.. Look if the guy likes you and wants to make it work out he'd put a lil more effort to see you. and vise versa..If not he's not even a catch you should bother with... i mean you guys been dealing for 6 months.. if he doesn't want this bad... leave it... Letting a brother step in is just weak.... And finally why is age such a big factor tell em all the grow up.
they have been together for two years what is wrong with putting their girls before friends, i mean you would think, if you are trying to find someone you are going to be with for the rest of your life, you would want to be most supportive of them of all people but what does this have to do with the situation? and wguan_86 what the hell is with your avatar ~brrrrrrr~
explaination: the brother, my friend has got a new job, is doing some heavy investments and getting into a more serious stage with his gf (although they already live together) so he's got alot on his plate, and alot of stree and alot of growing up to do so it seems, he's decided, he needs to find different people to surround himself, like his uncles who can help guide him to his path to success and us childish friends, he just doesn't have time for us, since i guess we dont benifit him enough outside of just play he's tossing us aside, and using him time to be more grown up man he's only 23, but he acts like a guy in his mid 40's going through a mid life crisis and starting to plan for retirement he's TWENTY THREE i mean the reason i say proportionaly he's treating more different, because we've been really close friends for 5 years but suddenly my opinion (and everyone else's doesn't matter anymore) my feelings, dont matter anymore in fact, I dont matter anymore no more, hi how are you doing no more, how is your job? do you like your new place? no more, hey wanna hear this new joke? no more hey what's wrong, or how is your issue with (so and so) and since i had such a strong tie with guy, i feel really sad that i'm losing this friend by the way, this doesn't quite have to do with the me liking his little brother issue, this whole issue was a completely seperate issue that arrised over the weekend, this issue isn't up for competition against the issue of me likeing his brother (that is another story, and what this thread was made upon) but this issue is also effecting me, so i thought i would spout out my feelings the guy (i like) when talking to him, doesn't take sides (which i TOTALLY understand why) but instead just spouts out facts, to help make me realize and accept what is going on he said, "you haven't notice i've been dropping hints that my brother just doesn't consider you such a close friend anymore?" i said "he doesn't consider me a friend anymore?" he said "I never said that, your still his friend, just not a CLOSE friend" so i'm very thankful he hasn't been trying to hide things from me, and was quite honest (although, he was hopeing that I would figure it out on my own with his hidden hints to make to think about the issue)
about the putting the gf before friends thing, let me clear up what i wanted to say.. what i meant was, in my perspective, because im still young, i know i wont be spending the rest of my life with my current gf.. but as for friends, i know we still have the opportunity to be lifetime friends. see, if i do break up with my gf, and thru out the time, i put her before my friends, when i go back to my friends, they'll reject me. that way, ill lose everyone. i mean, this happened before. a friend of mine was supposed to hang out with his best friend. they planned it a long time ago. until he got a gf.. hes like.. oh sorry, i gotta go out with my gf. and that made things more complicated, so they lost their best friendship. but my point is, because we're still young, friends matter as well as gf, not just her alone. but as for your situation, i think the brother is rushing it a lot. i have friends who are 23,24,25 and they hang out with ppl who are 19 and stuff... perhaps his maturity just skyrocketed.. he'll just have a shorter youthness thats all
