i've been dealing with this problem for a while now, tried looking it up and taking advice from websites, t.vshows and crap but it's always kinda ended up with me back in square one. i've always been a little ashamed of talking with other people about it....so i'm asking on a forum where i can keep anonymous the problem i think i'm having is being comfortably and consistantly social with people. although i have no problem with meeting new people i find it difficult to make connections with them, and small talk is so hard to get by. basically it feels a little bit forced and fake to socialize with people, which makes it so much harder for me to develop a good relationship with someone. although a lot of people come up and talk to me, i have no idea what to say, and what i do say sounds awkward and unnatural i'm a clothes salesperson in china, and i talk to customers everyday hasslin them to buy clothes and i get the occasional conversational person asking where i'm from (i look like a foreigner but 100% chinese) but when i'm talking in a non professional environment its hard to be myself and converse with people. i rarely find a connection unless its with someone i know i have something in common with (e.g. a overseas born chinese)... so er...i dunno if this makes a lot of sense or not, but if anyone can offer some advice as to how to make connections with people and being less self concious-anyone who's suffered from a similair problems i'd love to hear from -^_^ thanx
first thing u should do is : smile..because a smile is a always the best way to start a new relationship and show ppl that u are not a "monster"...and then just talk about what u think at the moment..about what that person choose... because u are a clothes saler? ... and seriously i see mor guy who shy than girl..but well..i think it depend on the person who u have in front of u....
i'm a girl ^,^ i like to think i don't really seem like a monster to people, i smile and laugh, but it seems like its more polite rather than anything i guess nothing really comes up in my head when people are in front of me lol! normally i say they look nice, you know fits they body shape and stuff....i don't think i'm at frist impressions shy..just self concious no?
wait you're working in China and your english is that good?? are u trying to find friends thru your customers?? cuz that would be quite difficult... but if you're out some social place.. even the "fake" small talk would be beneficial for you... it's really just about talking more so you could be in a more comfortable state where you can then be yourself. It's not like anybody jus go up to pple and automatically become friends.. unless they're in elementary school or something.. you just have to work up to it... so make small talk at first.. then maybe talk about some of your interests and see if they share the same interests as you.. and go from there..
i'm a clothes salesperson in china.. didn't u read?? maybe she jus need to meet so coo laid back pple from the States..
^ my bad..the only thing i read was first line of 1st and 2nd paragraph lol...well guys..start giving her ur emails
ooh..good advice from what i can grab from it-i dunno guess it doesn't come too naturally to me. i think i'm more comfortable talkin in english..my chinese ain't that good cos i only been over here for 5 months-ish-i'm sorta playin the foreign exchange student card as an excuse for not talkin as much as i should. (i'm a bbc if i haven;t mentioned yet)...its easier talking to ppl when i first meet them, but its iffy trying to get out of the aquantance thing -offtopic -blush
lol wow been here for about a month and already pulling the off topic sign on me... since your bbc n your chinese is iffy.. thas the main reason why it'll be hard for you..
hmm...ok any advice on not being that retarded foreign exchange student that doesn't speak the language too well.. -sweat
well guess you'll jus have to talk more Chinese... I mean if it's in school.. your chances of making friends is pretty big... plus you get a chance to improve your chinese.. I dunno whas hip down in China.. but see what pple do after school n jus hang out with them..
LOL sure thing...i'll hang out for that one special horny guy to come whisk me away i go to boardin school and i only get out on weekends-so not much to do while i'm inside, gets to the point where you hang out with ppl you cant really talk to so much that its insane...
