alrite, i posted on this thread before, about a girl who had a bf, and i was trying to get with her, that is the short summary about my last post. But in the end, i decided to just be friends with her because it is not my position in order to break up that type of relationship, it is very bad karma for me, and i think that she really like this guy, so i just left it all alone. but now, after a month or so, i am checking out this other girl. She is sweet and cute. I met her at a party about three weeks ago, and met her at events since that weekend, so we bump into each other often. We have casual talk, but i am still kinda shy around her, and she knows it. I am only able to talk to her when we message eachother back and forth. I believe messaging is easier for me bc i am able to say what i want to, but have no mistake, that is always a fear of mine by saying something that i might regret. I am a guy who had previous gf's, but they were short term, so i didn't care what i said or did. But now, i just want to settle down, and have a long term relationship. Next weekend, we going out to eat lunch, but i am worried on my shyness taking advantage of me and we would have a dull or even silent lunch. What can i do or talk about to help make this lunch not dull, and trust me, I can come up w/ topics but they are not always the greatest topics, lol. and also, i was planning on calling her the night before about things to do on that day, i don't want to make it seem like a date, but i want to do fun things w/ her, like things she interested in, like shopping or ice skating. if you guys have any other ideas, i would like to hear, ?? thanks guys v
if you want to settle down be your true self the only way you can find someone to be with long term, they have to be comfortable with you so dont pull out anything fake and suprise them later on with someone totally different cause i've known so many people (including myself) where i totally fell for someone and found out that wasn't really how they were later on (when they showed there true colors) and i was stuck, i like the person, but i was also scared of the person not to long after that did things fall apart
I am going to be straight an honest with you. It doesn't hurt to be smooth. If you can get her attention within the first 5 minutes of lunch, u'd be successful. Shyness doesn't help at all. Compliment her on her smile or something...then "find some imperfection" and point to that. Show some contrast...make sure that you don't piss her off. Then be smooth and say one of your imperfections....and tell her it'll be a secret btw the two of you. It's hard to express what I am trying to say. By now, you should have her undivided attention...instead of giving it to her, wave down one of the waitresses and ask the girl in front of you that "you're ready to order right?"...her answer is probably "no"...instead of telling the waitress to come later, start making small talk with the waitress, flirt a little...make her laugh. Make your date feel kinda left out and jealous. (if you want me to continue posting the senerio let me know)...if you do want me to continue and follow my instructions naturally....u should be successful. Usually I don't do this but you need some serious help. I just love how people talk about settling down before they're even in a relationship. Great stuff! Attraction is an interesting subject. Unfortunately most people don't understand how to manipulate it. I have a feeling that I'll be flammed by members of this forum after this post. In my opinion, the suggestion above is like burying you to the ground. It hasn't helped you at all. I don't want to lead to this but I've read too many pathetic posts and responses which might even mislead the person in need of help. I am a male so I might not be able to help the females out there. But for the lonely fellas out there, I might be able to help you a bit cause I've been in your shoes before.
I don't guarntee success. My confidence didn't come overnight. It's probably from years of failures and learning from them. I am not a good looking guy by my accounts. I am 6"1 and overweight in real life. In spite of my imperfections, I can honestly say that I can walk into most Karoake rooms, bars and clubs with the upmost confidence. I don't lie to people...I still hold some principles. Even now I am hesitant to pass on what little I know of a dark art.
Hmm I totally agree with smallrinilady, if the two of u aren't comfortable with each other as you are, there is a limit to how much can be changed to suit each other and whether it will pay off in the end at all is another matter. As for your "date", the things you plan to do aren't nearly as important as who you are and your personality, so just go along and have a great time~~see how things work out ;D
i do got confidense, but not w/ girls that i am interested in bc i always want to make a good impression w/ them. I can walk into a club and holla at any girl sitting at the bar, but that is my old style of living, i don't really enjoy that type of person that i had in me. lol, that makes me sound like a person w/ multiple personalities, but it is all good. But right now, I do not want to change bc of a girl, but i want to change for myself to make myself feel better. But yeah, D003, i kinda enjoying your scenerio, go a lil more, it is kinda interesting bro, everybody is entitled to their opinion, so even if there is critisism to what u say, it is np, I be reading. but i c where u coming from william, i need to be myself or this thing won't last that long at all.
Old style? new style? Vietchino, there should be no style at all. You should bring flair....adapt with the situation, read the other person's body language and act accordingly. if you want me to continue with the senerio, vietchino, I will. (remember to find an attractive waitress)....when she comes over...ask her about the specials for today if there are any....anything she'd suggest. Hear her list...then ask your date what she thinks. Ask her for her opinion of choices of what you should have. Your date would kindly offer up a suggestion. Remember go against her suggestion and tell the waitress another choice in which you want to have. Your date would be somewhat uncomfortable cause you didn't go along with her choice. State that of course not....polar opposite attracts. If you two go with the same choice in things....u'd repel and not attract. It might get her to laugh. The point in all this is to lighten the mood. Don't take everything too seriously....have fun. That's what you're here to do. Stop being nervous and shy around her. Psychological barriers you need to overcome. If she's wearing makeup and well put out that day...you might want to complement her on that. Then state something like "I didn't know I was worth this kinda work....hope I didn't disappoint". It's hard to post an entire senerio since I don't know her characterisitcs...how she responds/reacts....her pet peev...I need a little more info here vietchino. I am sure u've done your hwk. Here's the biggest preception in dating history. "I don't want to change bc of a girl". Here's the fact...you do change cause she'd probably change a little bit for that day. If she's well put out that day....she's changed. I've heard misconceptions from people who are thinking too far in the future when the present isn't taken care of. (we all have tunnel visions for the possible future....don't be fooled and wake up back in reality) After one date, your preception of her probably changed somewhat, by the time the 2nd, 3rd and 4th date come along....both people would've made gradual changes and feel more at ease with the other person and their surroundings. How many couples can honestly tell me that they were 100% comfortable with one another from date 1? Please....let's get back to reality. Your main goal on a first date is to get the undivided attention of the other person. Lighten the mood and go with the flow. Nothing should be forced. Make cautious but daring moves at the right time but not push far....then back off just when the other person feels comfortable. It'd be sort of a tease.
if you want tips ask her a lot of questions and let her talk because often girls like talking if she's one to not talk much say things that will make her laugh laughing is a great way to get someone comfortable with you and to make them feel good to be around you i thinking laughing might be more effective than compliments i dont mean compliments aren't bad, in fact they are good, never do two in a row cause it may seem like your trying to hard (and if your trying, than the compliement may have been forced) also too many compliements might start making her feel self concious, becuas eyou are paying too much attention to this minimal details, if you can see the good details here, you probebly are good enough to notice the bad details as well but do throw out a compliement every so often, a girl still likes to know she is attractive
Ok i've read this carefull and i see that to be honest its all in your head man, as the other said, you just got to be yourself, your true self, you got to think about what makes you laugh and what makes her laugh, i mean what draws you to her, it doesn't deal with changing for a girl because you are just trying to go deeper in who you are, you know? The girl knows you are tense, so just relax and let it flow with the way you feel inside Hope it works out for you man, just do what it do and be who you are
If you are tense and want the tension to lessen. Take her out on a date to a fun place...ie. "Dave & Busters". While you're having fun with her then, a lot of stuff will be forgotten...your stress will decrease and you'll have an idea by the end of the night if you two clicked or not. It's perfect for "nervous guys". It's also a good chance for her to get to know how you really are. At a place like Dave & Busters....u don't have to say much....(lower your chance of making a mistake...or even being too cautious to make a mistake that it becomes obvious....that's a mistake itself). In your situation, it's the worst senerio to bring her to a fancy restaurant and have a candle light dinner. You're too nervous and in that particular setting...your chance of failure is almost 100%.
Go get a couple of books to read. All the advice here is too superficial. I would not trust anybody's advice over something so important.
hahaha...don't worry im the same way...but i found out if you act like yourself theres nothing to worry about...
