Ha-Ha-Ha Very Punny

fearless_fx · May 21, 2007

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.

There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, "Did you get my drift?"

Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant's fingers.

Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.

When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'

A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way

Question: How did Christopher Columbus finance his trip to America? Answer: With the Discover Card.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Show me where Stalin's buried and I'll show you a communist plot.

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Four bucks," says the bartender. "Put it on my bill."

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man who shot my paw."

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
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something to ward off the boredom

Great Sage Equal of Heaven · May 21, 2007

Did you hear about the accountant who committed suicide?

Taxloss · May 21, 2007

Some are really funny like the optometrist and the Buddha one but I didn't get these two:

What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
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When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
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...either I just understand the joke or it's just not funny?

@ Ecko: What?

nyckeion · May 21, 2007

reindeer = rain dear

Great Sage Equal of Heaven · May 22, 2007

Taxloss said: ↑

...either I just understand the joke or it's just not funny?

@ Ecko: What?
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It was reported that he jumped off the Ledger... -rotfl

here's a hint for you... mean, median, mode... now does it ring a bell?? -innocent

I hope that lightbulb jus went came on in your head... -bigsmile

Taxloss · May 22, 2007

@ nyc: aha...thanks for the explanation.

@ Eck: oic...

Ha-Ha-Ha Very Punny

fearless_fx Eugooglizer

Great Sage Equal of Heaven Original V I P

Taxloss Stripper Vicar

nyckeion ....Boo....

Great Sage Equal of Heaven Original V I P

Taxloss Stripper Vicar