I'm frustrated with my sisters. They are 10 and 11 years my senior, and there is a huge generation gap between the me and them. They have been together since childhood and throughout the better part of life til they got married. They bond well and are tightly knit, always there for each other. But I do not get the luxury of a sisterly relationship. Sometimes its frustrating trying to fit in...but not gaining acceptance in any form. They think I'm spoilt and digging into my retired parents' measly income. They don't feel the need for comfort that money can buy because I'm not earning my own income. Everything I do is wrong in their eyes. They feel as if I manipulate my parents to my own needs. But they don't realise that I am the one who stays here with my parents. Where are they when the old couple needs them? Nowhere at hand. They're busy with their own lives, only to give the occasional phone call out of family obligation. My parents give in to my "whims and fancies" as my sisters call it, because they feel that it is appropriate to spend on. I wish for a more sisterly relationship. I look at my friends and envy the cameraderie they enjoy wiht their siblings, and often wonder why is it that I feel like an only child sometimes. I don't talk to them unless I meet them...which is like once in 5 years for my eldest sis and once a year for my second sis, cos we all stay in diff countries. And everytime they call home to my parents, I dread them asking to talk to me, cos I'd know it can't be just chit chatting. They either have something dreadful to say or they want to scold me for not hitting an A++ in med school. C'mon, it's med school, for God's sake!! They hardly got As for their courses in uni either...so don't put that kind of expectations on me!! It pisses me off when I'm slaving my butt off and not getting the results I want, and they rub it in! I could do with some TLC and encouragement, not cold clammy emails dripping with sarcasm. To make things worse, I used to idolise my second sis. She was everything to me. A great achiever, bread winner, had what I thought was the right attitude for life. And I imitated her in every way I could. I'd try to talk like her, think like her, act like her...so much so I lost my own identity and lived under her shadow. It was only recently that my world came crashing down and I discovered that she wasn't as perfect as I thought her to be. And I'd picked up nothing but bad things from her, especially her way of throwing her temper around, disrespectful of anyone. I'm sad, disappointed and lost. Life just suddenly lost its meaning.
Tought life. But you gotta make the best out of it. Avoiding the issues will not solve it, maybe have a family chat one day and hope for the best. Neway, my 2 cents is know that no one is perfect. One must scrutinize onself before passing on judgement on others and that we must learn from our weakness.
awww -hug.....try not to compare yourself with others as on the face everybody seems to be getting on really well but in actual fact maybe everybody is thinking the same as you.....maybe try to tell them you're feeelings so they can understand it from your point of view or try and maybe write them a letter if you dont feel up to talking about your feelings face to face....
danng .. u know, make ur life fun.. the whole grades thingy at med school tho ><" my sister is like 5 years younger than me, she goes to private school, and i've just about started college.. she gets the gradesthat i use to get when i was like 15 but shes like 12 .. and shes top for a lot .. so my parents keep sayin that i shud try harder and moan @ me 24/7 i think i was the tester daughter haha wen im in situations i dont like, i just kinda confront people.. and be honest with everything of how i feel ect.. if face to face not good, try fone, wen they call u and scould u... tell them the same back wot u jus said here
HA HA HA i'm in the same situation with me and my sister and everyone thinks i'm really pissy because of my additude she always TELLS me to do things, no please or thank yous and gets mad at me if i backtalk even a little i have never heard her say a single nice thing for over 12 years for 7 years, every time i saw her, she would make a comment "you got bigger" or "you've gained weight" (even when i lost weight) and gets mad at me for taking her compliment badly in fact i hear nothing but put downs, her stating how i'm not as good at her in "popularity" "fashion" blah blah blah i noticed everytime i call her by name (Ga Jie) she answers very meanly but one time i called her by her first name (which i never do) and she answered so happily, then when she realized it was me who called her, her whole personality changed she pretends that she's a great sister, by doing stuff with me and buying me stuff, but you can so tell she does this because she feels obligated. Like when she wouldn't let me buy my own coffee because she was my big sister (but i was 21 at the time) she treats me like dirt, and makes my cousins all believe that i'm the bitch she also treats my parents pretty bad too, and she is mad because i'm the favorite of the two (although i dont like it, i can't deny it) i've tried to fix our relationship for 8 years (after she moved out) and even though she is gone, it just seems that she has become more and more bitter to me and my mom, i have given up now opps, sorry this is about you, HA HA HA just letting you know, you truely aren't the only one out there but i'm rather glad to come across this thread, so now i know i'm not the only one in this situation either
oh and the whole "idolise" thing i use to do that to when i was younger now when i look back at it i dont understand how i could have idolized someone i was so scared of all the time someone who use to swear at me when i wasn't even 8 yet or someone who would force me to lie to my parents or someone who would "play" games with me which actually hurt my physically
Well, I guess you can only be graceful in handling tough situations like this. Do your own things, live your own life. They are your older sisters so they are bound to nag about your life, ignore them if you can or tell them straight off that "I don't appreciate being patonized, that is totally counterproductive to my life. If you want to nag, bear your own baby" (hopefully not in these exactly wording as it may make you feel bad. As for idolizing, everyone had their painful share of that. Now that you realize she is not as perfect as you have preceived her to be, learn from her mistake and try not to make the same ones. Of course it is a difficult time, but I guess growing up is nothing but painful.
Hey, I didn't expect so many replies, but thanks you guys. The problem here is, they're supporting me thru med school cos my parents made a deal with them. My dad supports them thru Uni and they in turn support me. So it is the financial dependence that binds me down to listening to them. I voiced out our differences once a couple of years ago, but they ganged up against me and had lots to say about my attitude. I do admit that there is an element of truth to some of the things they say, but half the time they are wrong about me. Smallrinylady, you know what? I don't mean to compare, but I'd rather have a sister who does nothing but belittle me than two strangers to whom I'm connected by blood. At least you guys talk. My sisters always email, call and keep in touch with each other, but never with me. I don't know what happens to them. I have a better relationship with my friends than with them. That's the part that bugs me the most, cos that's not the way it should be. The way I see it, sisters stick up for each other, help each other thru difficult times, share each other's joy. Do forgive my ranting. I just don't feel like talking to my friends about these issues. At least here I can be assured privacy...in a way... Thanks again for taking the time...very much appreciated!
Hope that one day you'll be able to reach peace with them. In the meantime, have a talk with your parents and see what they have to say about it.
@dreyvii: I am not sure how nice you are, but I personally am the rebellious type. So if I were in your shoes, I would have a talk with my parents, because it's either the parents OR the provider who have the so-called right to nag, not both. And really, if you gather up enough bad attitude, you can tell your sisters "well, it shouldn't have been you two who would provide for me, I totally agree with that. But a deal is a deal, and you should voice it to the person you made a deal with, not me. If you are so obsessed about it, consider how life would have turned out for you if YOU didn't go to college/med school or whatever because our parents decided I am their priority. You were provided for, and now it is time to give back to the system." Because, as a decent human being, they SHOULD give money back to the parents (for raising you or whatever), and if your parents decides that they want that money to go into your education, it's THEIR choice, not your sisters'.
My sister is a little over 10 yrs young than me. There is a slight generation gap between me and her but since I am not married, we still have keep in close contact and she looks up to me like an idol. With dreyvii's problem, her sisters are both at the next stage of life. It is not surprising that they treat dreyvii as a little girl and scolding her for small mistakes. About the looking up to her 2nd sister, it is both a good and bad thing. dreyvii can see her 2nd sister's actions from a 3rd person point of view and sort out what is good and bad and only follow the good actions. It is never too late to realize the bad habits and start to change it.
the envious family relations.......the youngers tryin to b better and the better ones always brag....lifes sucks
Thanks hiake....that makes sense, but living in Asia ties me down to cultural practices that do not allow rebellion of that sort. But seriously, I think you've offered good advice. I don't talk to my dad much, but I'm very close to my mom, and I have voiced out issues like these to her. Just that she often tries to make peace by brushing me off and telling me to ignore their unreasonable claims. 無得頂, problem is, I'm no longer a little girl...I'm 24 to be exact. Not too old, not too young. I need my own space to breathe, and not have people breathing down my neck. I used to be very close to my 2nd sis when I was young too. At that time, what we had was beautiful...everything I needed in a sister. We used to write each other letters, talk and laugh. I don't know why, but things just changed as time passed. Well, I agree with what you said, good to realise what's good and what's bad and start changing. Wow...I'll have one heck of a hard time trying to undo the harm! LOL...thanks guys!
oh i guess i gave the wrong impression we talk about once a year when she feels obligated to visit my parents (which i've been living with my parents until now) so we only talk when she comes and visits and then she always hids in the guest room, or goes out shopping and doens't spend any time with the family the only time she talks to me and isn't talking down to me is if she is talking down about my parents . . . . she didn't even say thank you when i bought her daughter (2 years old) a juicy couture jacket i love that little girl unfortunatly i only get to see her once a year, so she doesn't remember me every coming new visit
Haha...oh, right! Finally someone who's on the same path. Isn't it sad, the way they treat you. Sigh...lived with it for 24 years...will continue living with it til God knows when!
@dreyvii: Wish you the best in your quest... Take it as a challenge to be overcome, and the freedom and liberation you fought for would be much more precious and worthwhile. Even though it is going to be a long fight. Best luck!
Wish you all the best in your efforts to break this tension. Its hard in asian family but remember that all things are possible. Keep your head high and dont let this bring you down.
