here's one i find funny: A man walk into a supermarket and notices a beautiful woman staring at him. She stares for quite some time, so finally the man asked "Do I know you?" The woman answers "I think your the father of one of my kids". The man thinks for a minute then realizes this kid she is talking about must be the result of the one and only time he ever cheated on his wife. So he says to the woman "are you the stripper that was at my best friends bachelor party about 5 years ago?" "You know, the one I had sex with on the pool table while your friend spanked my bare ass with a whip?" The woman looks at him horrified and says "No, I'm your son's teacher". ********************************************************************************************** another one.. This is A Condom ad For those who use our competitor's products, Happy Fathers Day ********************************************************************************************* Lmao....the message was simple and yet effective Bra Types A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife" What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what the types were. The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?" Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?" The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.”
this one i found pretty funny: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!” So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?” Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.” I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.” Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?” I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?” Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.
One day a man asks his parrot: "What up with you? You are really pretty fidgety." His parrot answers: "You know I need female and it's been a long time having sex. Hence I am really pretty horny and on heat!!!" The owner think about a solution and asks his friend for an advise. He says: "Put your parrot in a freezer to cool down." The man follows his friend's instruction and after 3 hours he curses: "Damn! I forgot my parrot!!!" He opens the freezer and looks puzzled at his parrot. Welding beads running are running down the parrot's forehead and is totally exhausted. The man asks his parrot: "What's up with you?" The parrot answers: "What do you think how much work and time does it take to expand the thighs of this chick(en) bitch??!?!??!"
this one is ok.. pretty funny Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."
What's the point of your post #10 then? You didn't spell it out, but it could be inferred from your post #10. Why would someone said he won't be pissed at another out of the blue??? Sheesh. And the word "too" that implies something! Plus, you quoted ME.
Mickey (Mouse) wakes up one wintery morning and walks over to the bedroom window to greet the morning sun and notices that someone had written random words in the snow so he calls the police and has them find out who did it. So later in the day a detective calls back and tells Mickey that they've cracked the case and has good news and bad news... The good news is they found out it's Goofy's piss but the bad news is it's Minnies handwriting.
chill out...have a joke! ****************************************** four worms were placed into four separate jars The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil. After one day: The first worm in alcohol--dead The second worm in cigarette smoke--dead the third worm in sperm--dead The fourth worm in soil-alive Lesson: As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't get worms. ************************************************************************************************ A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman. **********************************************************************************************************
What chill out? I wasn't pissed... like i said.. in case you can't see that. Sheesh, i think you and Bluebble need to chill out.
