nope, i didnt tell my parents about my relationship, cos i hav a feeling they wouldnt accept or approve of us...=S and yep, i've done it b4....they hav no idea that i've been going out for nearly 2 years now...=p
kekekeke... i'm not being a rebel... i just don't want them to get upset if i break up with one guy... or get biased with my next bf... or may b i just don't want them to ask too many question... i mean they r my bf after all... not my parents'
yea i know what u mean... i wouldn't want to introduce them to parents and end up breaking up and having them ask me about it. and it might not be such a good idea to introduce them to your parents so early... i have a friend, in hs, he ask this girl out on valentines day, and she said yes... they both liked each other, until... he took her to meet his parents... on the second day -.- she got kinda freaked out... then later started talking about having a family and stuff. which got her really freaked out, and she broke up with him the 3rd day... ur younger than me? =P i wonder... i'll tell my age wen u tell ur age. =) and i guess we'll see how old u r granny... =) blue: if u really wanna noe my age, u can pm me =)
It's actually a norm in Malaysia that people have relationships before letting their parents know. As most people know, Malayians are still very conservative. Parents are still going on with stuff like "You're too young" and "You can't have a relationship till you've finished your education" and "You can't date till you're 21" or something like that. I never tell my parents about my relationships because my parents are included in the category of conservative parents like I said above. And surely, when they found out about my current bf, they weren't happy. Not because he has huge tattoos, smokes, drinks, gambles and is a playboy. He doesn't do all that. Just a decent guy. But my parents still object. But I've been with him 3 years now. My parents are starting to accept him, very slowly but surely. Firstly, you must understand that your parents are worried about you and wish to protect you. Most parents have this thinking that "Men are wolves out to get their daughters " and stuff like that. Sometimes, this statement isn't far from the truth but it doesn't apply to all men. You won't KNOW until you really get into it and it'll be too late. Your parents just don't wish for you to take the risk. But parents can be overprotective, so what remains is, do you want to have a relationship without informing your parents? There are lotsa stuff you gotta deal with. How are you going to go out dating with your bf? How long can you keep it a secret? It'll get to your parents notice some time or other. Then you gotta be ready to face the music. They're gonna object and stuff, scolding and maybe even threaten you. Can you endure this? And is the guy worth it? Can you accept continuous critisizm from your parents for months and maybe years just to keep your relationship? My parents kept going for 2 years and is still sometimes going on about it. Can you tolerate this? Are you ready to proceed into the relationship without your family's blessings? Think on it. It can be an issue to some. As for me, I agree with Dawn. A relationship is between you and your partner. Parents just come in the end when you have a wedding. And I won't be allowed in a relationship anywayz, till I'm 30 or something, and they'll still be critical when I'm that age. So i gotta take the step at some time. Think on your actions, the possible consequences and your partner-to-be. If you're sure, just proceed. The decision is yours, not your parents or anyone else.
From another perspective... When/If you're a parent, would you want your kids to have a bf/gf behind your backs? Would you rather you kids tell you? Or would you rather ASSUME they are doing something which causes more worries and headaches? --------------------- Bit off topic, but commenting on a relationship being between only 2 people. A relationship ISN'T just about you and your partner. My family and close friends are very important to me, and part of that respect and honor involves considering their thoughts, feelings, and opinions. These people actually want you to be happy (surprise!) and want you to be a part of their lives. If they didn't, they wouldn't care to ask/share anything. Having personally witnessed friends that stopped being friends because "my gf/bf does like it", I say that believing romantic relationships only involves those 2 people is a naive thought unless you believe a relationship is all about sacrificing EVERYTHING for your significant other. I've known girls that have been and are STILL in abusive relationships, no matter how much her friends tell her otherwise that she can do better, she keeps believing thats how relationships are... theses are merely compromises to her.
Calling people naive because they think a romantic relationship involves only you and your partner is wrong. Unless you plan on bring all your friends and family to romantic dinners, trips and sex then yes romantic relationship only involves you and your partner.
Granted, that you should share your life with your parents, family and friends who care about you, but somehow, some parents, family members or friends try to interfere in your relationship with your partner, that is when you feel that they are giving opinions which are not asked for in the first place. Some parents especially, think that they have the right to control everything in their children's lives, even after they have grown up, and forbid them from going out with someone, because that someone is not according to THE PARENTS' taste or liking. That is why some kids don't share everything with their parents, because the parents are too controlling and conservative and do not understand their feelings. So not everyone is lucky to have great, understanding and open-minded parents. You have to look at the individual's scenario. A relationship is a taboo topic in some Asian conservative families and the parents forbid their children to date until after 21 or something, some even have to listen to their parents after they started work.. These are the reasons they don't tell their parents everything. Of course you would want people to care to ask and share everything, but when the caring goes beyond that, and turns into controlling, then would you want to share everything?
Why? Because I have to sound politically correct at all times? Apparently romantic dinners, trips, and sex are all there is to romantic relationships... -surr -lol ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Yes, I see your point, and as always, there's a balance that's needed to be maintained. There's a difference in what I meant by "share anything", and how its being interpreted (from your post I gather). I was using "share anything" in regards to the openness that should exist between family members and close friends, so someone asks about a topic, that topic can be discussed. Where as "share everything" is constantly communicating about all aspects of everything in one's life, which is not what I would recommend anyone to do. So to go with that balance idea, closing your parents off is a sure way to tip the balance (not maintain) imo.
Obviously you don't know what politically correct means if you think that. I'm just point out some aspects of a relationships that your friends and your family can't participate in.
if i ever have kids i'd b trying to communicate with them first... let them know that i'd b ok for them to have a relationship n they would most likely to tell me when they do... unlike most other asian parents back in my days... but i'm not having kids... so it's not my worry -bigsmile
you say that now... but ur going to have like 3 kids! haha yeah, that's what everyone says when they don't have kids, they're going to say that they'll let the kids have more freedom than we had back then and we'll communicate more... but i wonder if it's true. you'd go through labor, work your ass off to take care of your kid, especially when he/she is sick.. and the early years where it's non-stop crying! and then when they're like 14-15 or even worst... 12.. and they wanna date... what would you say? -.- i guess i wont know until it happens.
yeah 3 kids... mah turtle... mah teddy bear n mah man... more than enough for me to take care of for the rest of my life
kekekeke... that's y i'm planning to get one from the pet shop... n not the really huge one from the ocean... just a small pet turtle...
Yeah i have a story about a friend who just broke up with his gf this year. They went out for about 2.5 years? Anyways the first time he went to meet the girls parents, they were really religious and told him off about him not being christian and saying that he doesn't have a future with their daughter. Needless to say, they still went out afterwards, but his ex didn't let her parents know about it after that. They eventually broke up because one of teh reasons was that he thought that if she could lie to her parents like that, then she could lie to him about other things. Also she was a bit religious herself so he didn't think they had a good future together. Anyways i think if you don't tell your parents about your relationship, it can be really hard for you to stay in that relationship stably because you have to lie when ever you go out and try to keep things less suspicious. At the end of the day parents do have a right to question your bf/gf, but to a certain extent, sometimes they can be unreasonable and clearly do not want to get to know your partner properly, and just seem to assume that they are bad. Thats when i think they go too far. hmm...sorry if i don't make sense, sigh...i'm just feeling sick atm, stupid flu. I think i need a hug or something.
you are you, parents just want the best for you, in the end, parents are happy if you are, nothing wrong with starting a relationship with someone and not letting your rents know, but sooner or later you'll have to introduce
u know the small pet turtles... they grow at least a foot long! so hmm... if i get to be one of the 3 above... i'd be the teddy beaR! lol i have 2 kids... they are on my avatar. a pain in the butt sometimes! but i luv em. =)
Yea these kind of parent are the worst, I'm so happy my parents aren't like this. As my mom told me once "if you are happy with the person then we are happy too. You're the one that'll spend the rest of your life with them not us, it doesn't matter if we like them or not just as long as you are happy". When I was younger and dating, I never told me parents that I was going out with someone. When I go out, I just tell them "I'm going out", they never ask me who I'm going out with and etc. So I never had to lie to them about anything.
