I've been trying to figure this out for quite some time...but to no avail. -shrug This involves both parties: Person #1: Why does it seem so common for people, (more specifically males,) to have commitment-phobia?! Why are they so afriad? How do you overcome this fear? Is it even possible to help them through this fear? Seems like any little thing scare them off... Person#2 And then, it just leaves the other person... trying to let things go. :( How do you let go of something you've grown so attached to...for reasons that don't make any sense to you?...sigh
It depends on the how the guys view the relationship. Some prefer to have achieved a financially stable situation before they commit into a relationship where they can be the bread winner of the family. Some would rather be in and out because they dont like to be tangled up too often without freedom to do as he pleases... (there are eventually more reasons but not going to name them all here)... Cant really term it as being "afraid" since there are guys who are more on the practical side more than emotional. For those who have this fear, there are way too many possibilities to overcome it, but each person is unique, thus, you cant name them all. Simple, you let go and dont think about it anymore. Move on with life and do things that would keep your mind and soul busy every day.
So which situation are you in? #1 or #2? Anyway, #1 -> Go slow. Have self-confident in yourself, that helps with commitment-phobia guys, as mostly females who want them to commit are sometimes mistaken as being insecure about themselves. It's best to have a discussion on how you both want to proceed in the relationship, as you may not have the same idea of what a relationship is supposed to be, one party may be more willing to 'commit' than the other, thus you have to decide whether you are able to compromise on the level of commitment. If compromise is out of the question, then you two can't progress further. #2 -> Uhm, the usual cliche saying, "Time will heal everything". And of course, keeping yourself busy, making yourself feel good by pampering urself, build up your self-confidence and ur self-worth. Love yourself if no one else will...
I was in #2. It's been some time...and i feel strong and regained a stronger self, etc. ...however, each time i see him, it's tough. And the hardest part is definitely when i see him with someone else...the question that pops in my mind, why her? ...it just feels like someone pouring alcohol into a re-opened wound. It just hurts...
Find something that you enjoy doing. Participate more in social activities where you can meet new ppl. Thinking about him being with her wont change anything and it will only hurt you more. Move on and close this chapter of sadness, think of the good things that will happen in the future.
u need him completely out of ur life darling... a lot of the time even when i girl's fully healed from a bad relationship the minute they c the ex bf it srews up the girl's emotions... don't test urself... block him out of ur life n move on...
Is friendship really out of the question? Is there really no other way around this? When one say move on, or let go, i understand, and agree 100%...however, how do you let go of something that you feel was meant for you? Especially if you feel like you have to let it go without a valid reason? How do you stop yourself from reminising even when all other aspects of your life has 'moved on?'
the thing is all ex become an ex for a reason... n as time goes by if u keep talking to him or seeing him or even just thinking about him u tend to forget all those reasons... u will start to remember all the good times u guys shared and thinking gosh it wasn't that bad after all... n then u get confused n want to get back together... n once u do u'll find ur relationship is having the same problem again... u just pick u right where u left off...
Hopefully this doesn't sound like i'm going abouts in circle.. But if the reason for breaking up was simply due to his 'fear of commitment'...? It doesn't even seem like a proper reason. It was just fear...how do you accept that? And does that mean you cut all your exs' out of your life? ....how do you cut them loose when he happens to be part of your circle of close friends....
Actually, you don't have to cut him out from your life, but I think what Dawn means is you need to get rid of him during your recovery period. Meaning, you should try your best to go cold turkey on him, no seeing him, no being friends, no chatting, etc. Until you got over him completely. Then feel free to rekindle your friendship with him if you want to. But easiest way to forget him is to get him out of your sight while you are recovering. As for your circle of close friends, I am sure they would understand if you don't feel comfortable joining their outings if he's around. They'll just haf to organise two separate outings if they want to see you or him Explain to your friends that you need some time to recover and get over him.
I am a male who doesn't have commitment-phobia. I am not afraid, so I don't need to overcome this fear. I think it's possible to help people with this kind of phobia to overcome it.
When would you know you're ready to see each other again? Do you believe that peace will come when you've moved on, meaning you're in a relationship with someone else, but not before?...
When you are doing your stuff as usual, or enjoying a cup of coffee, or just out of the blue, when suddenly the thought of him crossed ur mind, and ur wondering how he's doing... and realizing that u haven't been thinking about him lately... that's when ur ready -^_^ And nope, being in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you are ready ... worse, you might even be in a rebound kind of relationship with that other fellow, unless you are the type of person that get into a relationship when you are really sure that you like the other party.
yup... they r out of my life for good... i've deleted them from my msn list n my phone... i even put their number on the "auto reject" list on my fone... once an ex bf couldn't reach me n called me on my land line n i just said to him pls don't call me anymore as i'm trying to get over u n ur not helping by talking to me... as for fds i usually hang out with a bunch of girls anyway so there's not need for any appearence of a guy... n if it's a big group gathering i'd just let them know what's happening n y i'm avoiding him n they'd understand... for example if it's a birthday even i would show up really early n wish my fd happy birthday n then leave before my ex's arrival... i used to talk to my ex or even c them... but sometimes they would try to make a move on me like holding me very tight... or kiss me... because all these seem so natural since we used to do it all the time... n even i was completely over him it still confuses my emotions... so now once a guy becomes an ex he's forever out of my life... i'll never try to make fds with him anymore... because there's no genuin friendship there anyway... n it won't make a huge different whether he's in my circle of fds or not... but that's just me... n i just do wot i believe in... a lot of other women find it comfortable being fds with their ex or sometimes a lil closer than just fds... but i guess that's a lil too early for u to decide... n u mite think the fear of commitment is not sufficient to cause ur break up... but it is a problem... y is he fear to commit?? coz he's got doubts abt ur relationship... it might b because he's feeling an emptiness or he might b waiting for someone more suitable to show up etc... but there's a problem there... i hope i'm not freaking u out too much -lol
Depends on the guy. Probably he has some history of people who's in commitment which turn out bad. There are many reasons. The best way to overcome this fear I guess will be to not assume the bad side of commitment just yet unless you have tried it. I think the only thing to let go of something will be "time" because the more you decide to let go, the worse it gets. Be it relationship or even something that you've grown so attached to.
I understand what you're saying...yet, How do you let go of somebody who you've grown so close to...you're dropping him just like that? Don't you feel that sense of total loss?
Person #1: Why does it seem so common for people, (more specifically males,) to have commitment-phobia?! Why are they so afriad? How do you overcome this fear? Is it even possible to help them through this fear? Seems like any little thing scare them off... i have commitment phobia. as for me, i m afraid of being tied down by someone. it's not like i've not tried committing. i commited once n it was an awful experience. i guess u will just need to get to the root of the problem to treat it. Person#2 And then, it just leaves the other person... trying to let things go. :( How do you let go of something you've grown so attached to...for reasons that don't make any sense to you?...sigh i cant really advice u or give u any tips bout how to let go of something, time! time will erase it all.
poor girl... :( it is hard i know... it once too me more than 3 years to get over an ex... i remember not being able to eat n sleep for 2 weeks... n all i can do all day was just cry n cry... i lost 5kg in a week... but i just gotta believe that i can do it... n i need to stop thinking about him, talking abt him, or writing in my diary abt him coz it's for my own good... n believe it or not girls that has more female fd actually recover fast than those who has more male fds... n fortunately i've never seen any of my ex with their new gf... i guess part of the reason is i totoall avoid them... i hadly get the chance to c them at all...
