Please read, I am indicating everything as a whole, but this is generally directed towards a close friend whom I feel very disappointed with. To say that I am not hurt would also be a lie. I don't know but many times I feel really dissed and used. I have been there and looked after my friends on many levels. I understand their lifestyle, realize when they are online, realize when they need to go out and how their families are and I'm there for them. As a friend, I think I made a lot of sacrifices accompanying some of my friends. I offer to give rides, do this, do that, etc. For example, on some days where my good friend has a day off or a free day, I always make adjustments, time, and effort to be there and be a companion. I do not mention it of course. I sometimes eat with them even when I cannot afford it in my budget. I'm not asking for credit, but just giving an example. However, recently and as time, months, years have passed, these friends have grown their own way. More recently though, my friend has gone to events, outings, w/o mentioning to me, nor have they invited me at least to say. I know I might say NO many times due to my personal reason, which they do not understand, but how hard is it to at least discuss things. I often find myself waiting online in hopes to discuss and talk about my own troubles, but that friend no longer is there for me. It seems as though this good friend met NEW FRIENDS and would not want to include me. There's been many instances. I can go on forever with the examples and this has been really bothering. I guess it's because I feel used, dissed and mistreated. It is odd because I would ask for companion for different occasions and I realize that there is no genuine help in it. They don't feel obliged in anyway either. I feel dissed because they would only do something with their NEW GROUP, but with and for me, they wouldn't. It's hard to explain in words, but perhaps someone can ask a more direct question so that i can better explain it. You might be wondering why I still call them friends, or good friend. Well they have helped me, but only so when I ask, and it's not like I really ask for anything much anyhow. -------- As a result, I've done a few things such as avoiding, ignoring, DEMOTING this close friendship into something casual. I don't bother with saying good nite, or bye at all if at much. I have decided I will not accompany them anymore. Most of all, I no longer and have decided not to share what's going on in my life with them. I've learned to say no, learned to just ignore, and not reply to things at times. Sometimes, I will not bother returning their call. I feel so foolish, for all the times I've waited in my car so that I wouldn't be late for them. I want to be prompt for them, but it's not like they ever understand. Simply put, I'm trying to not care, trying to have them realize. **What bothers me most is that I really want to vent it out, but I know it's not in my position to anymore. I feel so dissed that 5-6 years of good friendship has turned just because they found a new cliche a new group. I feel even more angry because I was open, I would include. Now they start doing secret society things. -------------------------------------- Any input, comments, supports, criticism please share. I know some parts might not make sense or seem vague, so that's where you guys come in.. Thank goodness for TVB.-sweat Thanks.
Get new friends, and live your own life instead of living your life for others. Sometimes you need to put your self first; if you can't take care of your needs needs how can you take care of others. Plus stop being so clingy.
Dude I feel your pain, thats what happened to me ever since I started uni, but thats life... The thing I did is make new friends that are in my classes.
This is life I'm afraid. Friends meet new people and move on, sometimes without you... It's happened to me many times and I have done it too The only thing I would say is, move on with your life too. Dont purposely ignore them, if they invite you out, go with it, if you feel like it. But dont hold out for them, go on and make some new friends your self. I know its hard to just dump 5-6 years of sentiment and memories, but such is life unfortunately
did you do somethings that hurt them? I understand that obviously you don't know because if you knew you would've been able to sort out the problem. Actually small matter such as declining their offer to go for outing could be a reason behind. You've said no too much and they decided not to ask you next time. Seriously this happens to my friend. he's been saying no to our offers way too much and now we never ask him out already. Not that we wouldn't want to ask, it's just that we already know the answer. Since you seldom join in the group and the gap gradually increases and there are less topics that you and your friends can share. If you still treat them as friends you should sit down and talk face to face with them. Explain the reason why you couldn't join in the fun and try to recover your friendship to the way it was. you've mentioned they've helped you when you asked them to, so I think they still treat you as their pal.
i have a close friend about 10 years and now i start seeing him talk shit to me and treat me differently. i don't mind that but were still in the same group. most of my other friends who we hang out with sees this too and tell me to just confront him. i always tell them that i don't mind. if he wants to talk shit then go ahead. it doesn't bother me at all. we got into one agrument. i even stood by him and helped him out when he was about to get his ass whooped by my cloest freind. i just don't let it get to my head. just go on living ur life with or without them is my suggestion.
I understand how you feel. When I was younger I was really close to a friend of mine, even his parents became my godparents. After we went to high school, the relationship deteriorated. He started to hang out with another group and bad blood came between me and him. Its painful to see a long friendship disappear. I learned that I should only care about the person as much as they care for me. No need to put in the extra effort if they are going to do the same for you.
maybe because of ur bz schedule made ur friends meet new friends............y don't u start making new friends tooo and choose ur friends carefully....learn from ur mistakes =)
1st of all thanks for the help and suggestions. I will try and disect and reply slowly and surely. Thanks for caring. I don't think I've done anything to hurt them. I mean, it's just the recent things. With other friends I understand the natural gap, but I guess for them friends are friends and it doesn't develop into something deep/big. I dont' want to bring race or culture, but I think the ethnicity, culture plays a role. I'm sure most Asians can understand things like betrayal, things like since you helped me, I am in debt to you type of thing. They understand having friends in this lifetime but not forever concept. I know not everyone shares those ideology. When I make mistakes I apologize of course, and I overlook mistakes in my friends as well. I don't expect them to say sorry. I mean, I've been friends long enough to know and realize, and from myself being the bigger person and humble in thought. I don't need to make notice or recognition that I've done this and that for them. I know they help me, but it isn't the type of help that is on that deep of a level. I ask them to spot me some money and that's about it, but nothing big as in, "Can you come help do this and that for/with me?". Can you take time out to accompany me going to the beach? The answer to those questions are mostly NO. You probably know why, it's because they would only bring themselves out of their own comfort circle/ or out of their true desires with NEW PEOPLE so that they won't look bad to them and what not. Making friends isn't easy considering my situation. I am the oldest and have had family issues as well as economic issues. I'm caught between a compass, family, career, friends, my own, pulling me in different ways. Unlike most of the people/friends I see, they only seem to pull for themselves. Honestly though, I feel a lot more relieved speaking out and getting it out of my system. -sorc I still feel dissed and I want to be MEAN !! -dead Because they have done so to me.
this happened to me when i started high school, i had a pretty good friend of mine that was i onno pretty cool as you can say. always was friendly to him but i would sometimes think he wouldnt want me tagging along with his other friends, we would do this and do that. then before we got into highschool, there was a huge party, that my other friend was throwing, and behind my back he told him not to invite me. and i knew this so i went neways, and when i was at some other room with other people he would talk shit about me. my little brother was there and he heard it so thats why i know. well neways buddy i know where your coming from. Just get new friends, its would be stupid to waste time with these kind of people
heh...well the best thing is to go out and find some new friends and forget about the older ones.l wish you all luck in the world and don`t think about it anynore anf move on to better people who actually treats you with respect and dignity.
same thing happened to me with uni in play, just make new friends and see what happens with time, that's just a life experience everyone must go through...
this has happened to me many times before. at first i was kind of pissed off, but i can understand now that people just change. well, i'm still pissed off but i just accept it now and make new friends. if they have a new group, you need to find a new group. don't ever hold out for them, because it'll just make you feel worse. dang kingpin is straight to the point
well it's just not as simple as I thought. in your case, even siblings and family have their own path, let alone friends. It's just happened that you are attempting a give and no take relationship with your friends, seriously this kind of friendship won't last long. Being friends means caring, understanding and sacrifice, they understand your conditions and problems, like you did with them and not a one-way ticket. Just like everybody has mentioned, you just cannot stay rooted in the same spot. You've got to carry on with your new friends, because you'll never know if you can meet better friends that are willing to know more about you and get along with you well. he has the habit of shooting people right through the head with words lol...-unsure
Mistakes Are made All people make. Some are worst then others Some just plain stupid. Some hurt Make you cry Lose a friend Even die. We all make mistakes Some worse then others I ruined our friendship, Hear me sigh . I can't take it back I try to relax I want it back I'll try Here my cry. I hope you see this My inner feelings I miss your understanding, And uniqe cowboy boots, Someone with great caring, I don't want to say good bye.
that's happened to me a lot and so, as so many people above me have said, just move on. sure, i shared good moments with these past "best" friends but if this change/'moving on' is really non-negotiable then i move on as well. i'm not always at the sides of these past "best" friends anymore but i still maintain a good reportoire (sp?-->i don't want to download the iespell thing) with them. i let them know that if there's anything majorly serious that they can't handle by themselves to call me. and they the same for me. so now we're just "friends" but that doesn't bother me. sometimes, you just don't click with others as you're all growing up and growing apart.
judging by your posts. I assume that your the type of person that doesnt rely on your friends. its important that you understand people actually grow and change. its up to them to decide whether or not they will let you in to their circle. I advise you to do your own thing and improve upon yourself meet some new people and invite them into your circle so they will get to see the other perspective of you.
first of all... you're not the only one having this problem... it has happened to everybody. the only thing is how to go through it... 1. you can talk to them, confrontate them with it... tell them what's bothering you... maybe they dont even know (or did u already had a conversation with them?) 2. you can search for other friends and find out which kind of friendship they want with you... a good begin is try to be social in all kinds of places... going out is a great option to do this 3. you can search for other friends and ignoring them for the rest of your life... think this option is not really good... coz like i said in option1... maybe they dont even realize it's bothering you... anyways... it's your own choice... you won't make a wrong choice... because you know yourself what best is for yourself I hope I've helped you with this post...
dont feel bad man/ girl its not a big deal for this to happen i have lost many friends due to the fact that we meet new friends they will meet new friends and so do i.......you really need more then one group of friends there are certain friends for certain things there is ur dinner friends , movie friends, chatting etc etc the list can go on not telling u to dig for them they just come natuarlly dont put too much thought into it
rounding up what EVERYONE above has said, it's every man for themselves. In this world, there is only yourself, NEVER rely on others. At the end of the day, sometimes even family can turn their backs on you and leave you in the dust. You need to be able to stand on your own feet and go on with life. If you felt that they mistreat you, just say it then, they are oblivious to your feelings because they only care for themselves too. If you want them to understand, you need to paint them a picture. Playing their game only says to them "well, it's a good thing we don't hang out with him anymore."
