Shini_D in another post said that for 100 days of mourning she wasn't suppose to wear make up Both sides of my family are extremely christian so even though growing up in a very chinese household there are some things my parents just never taught me so can people fill me in what things are you or you not suppose to do after a death of a family member and how close of a family member must they be before you do stuff like this (like how do "tong" cousins and "bu" cousins work out for this) I just know of the wearing white flowers in your hair and that you can't visit non-relatives for that period of time my friends refused to come to my house to stay becuase they were scared of bringing bad luck to me and my family
Wear nothing but neutral colours for a certain period of time ranging from a week to 3 years, depending on feasibility and closeness to the deceased. No laughing for the week of the funeral (or was that a month?) Consume no meat or alcohol for a certain period of time ranging from a week to 3 years, depending again on feasibility and closeness to the deceased. No celebrations for 100 days, so put your birthdays and weddings on hold.
What Hiake said.....& no jewelry, no make up some ppl say ur not supposed to watch tv and listen to music... they say u have to be unhappy for 100 days but when my grandparents passed away..my parents allowed us to do whatever we liked after a few weeks....
customs vary.. and so it really depends which one your family follows. every family will probably also have their own little variation which will change from time to time depending on interpretation of customs. so if you really wanna know, ask your parents.
well currently experiencing now -cry2 im not entirely sure the rules and stuff myself...but my rents are telling me as we go along.....:( so far from what ive been told..on the day of the burial you wear white becuase we're closest or immediate family...and after the service you have to throw away all the stuff you wore at the service becasue of...the line...."if you dont throw away the old...the new luck can't come" or something..and you shouldnt go to visit friends and stuff....mostly stay at home...lor... didnt know it was 100 days though -what? not been told what happens after the service...or what the rules are to it yet..:( at the moment feeling very err..-confused....-ohmy....-shock...-what?....
ok lets see my grand ma died couple yrs ago and there are stuff i cant do in three years not allowed to play with fireworks for three years cannot attent any 'hei si' like wedding birthday and stuff cannot wear red no inviting ppl to ur home for dinnner/ party this is my grandma from my fathers side whom i lived with i guess its more importnant with the fathers side than the mothers side my mothers father died 5 or 6 yrs ago all those stuff above only counts for 1yr i guess the fathers side is more important
When my grandfather on my father died we follow these rules. - All the grandson got $1000 from a fund to buy a suit and shoes for the funeral - Couldn't go to any wedding or baby showers for 49 days - No visitors to the home for 49 days, when my aunt from my mom side came over to give us stuff, they would stay outside the door - We slept with the lights on for 49 days That was pretty much it, we could laugh, watch comedies and etc.
i'm guessing the money part isn't tradition, but something they picked out personally like my grandpa's will said if people are in the will but do not attend the service then their portion will not be given to them, but disburse among the rest of the people named int he will
i heard u cna't go to ppl's house cept for relatives i unno...i don't belive this stuff...chinese ppl so...............
wow, this is very enlightening for others i guess. it's all very traditional to be honest. it depends on how strict your family is. My aunt's granparents do the "dar jaiy" so she is very strict. Here are several rules (all range in the 100 days): -Always kneel when anyone comes over to your home. -Cannot go to any celebrations for 100 days -Cannot wear red at all -No jewellery or make up as you are supposed to be in mourning -No laugher -At the incantation ceremony, cannot use chop sticks to eat, can only eat with a spoon, but stricter people eat with hands -Have to wear the white rag coat and hat if immediate family -Every week or other week have to burn a trail of incensce to your door to guide your deceased family member back home so they know the way -Strict familys cannot wash your hair for 100 days, nor can you cut your hair for 100 days -No meat for a period of time depending on the strictness of the family -Cannot go to anyone's house incase of bringing bad luck -Anything spent towards the funeral or ceremony for the deceased must come out of immediate family's pocket, cannot spend others money, so no matter how expensive or how much to give, the immediate family must give Thats a few that i still remember, i know theres plenty more. Bear, it's ok, it's hard now but somehow things will work out, just got to realise that life's too short, and live every day like it's no tomorrow. And be grateful for the ones around you.
well im not really sure cause after a family membered died, we just had a few days of sadness or mourning, but after those few days i was able to do w/e i wanted to do so im not sure
thats a few....it seems there are lots of stuff to it.... at the moment we've got the priests or something to come and 'da chai' at night time or something then the following day is the burial thingy...and after that we have the big dinner... i feel so clueless in all of this.... but thx shini -blush
ooohhhh shiet.... so sorry to hear that babe... hope ur doing ok sorry i didnt read this until nowww..... *hug* -flow
no probs bear, I been through the same sheit so ya know... It's ok, your parents will tell you what to do, just do as they say, some of the tradition differ for different people.
dun worry....i'll be okies...*brave face*....nah this is better -batman odd thing is my rents dun actually know themselves.. we're relying on my other por por and just close friends
lol yeah, my dad didnt know what to do, so he had people tell him what to do, and he told us. You be fine!
