I found this piece of writing from my xanga, posted a few years ago.. yet sometimes i still feel the same. Do you ever get the feeling and little moments when you feel you have no reason to be sad- but there's just that feeling in you that whatever you try to do to make yourself happy- it just doesn't work? But you just can't figure out why not.. maybe it's all the little things pieced together, or maybe it really isn't anything at all... Trying to let off ((out)) some of that 'weirdness' in me again.. Its really driving me crazy, I mean just suddenly crying again and no answer is apparent to the reason 'why'? I could cry myself to sleep sometimes, but maybe that's just pathetic, but what's more pathetic than that? Probably crying over nothing? That's sure as hell what it feels like, "sh!t happens" yes it does, but what's happened to me that's so 'sh!t'- nothing really. I can't pinpoint anything that's bothering me, but maybe that's because its everything altogether, yet I cannot say what.. Not being able to tell people why I'm upset is annoying, its not because I don't want to tell- but what can I say? So my excuse at the moment is 'work'. Come on, since when has work bothered me this much though? Sure I care, but it just doesn't bother me that much to the point I want to break down and cry a downpour of tears. I can surely believe that by the time I finished writing such an entry, I still won't figure out the answer. Sometimes I wonder when I'm typing this, who am I typing to? Selfishly- most of the time its for myself. I'm too lazy to write a diary by hand and seeing as I filled in my old one and haven't purchased another one yet, this is my best alternative. Feeling though I cannot communicate with talking, this is how I 'express' myself you could say. I never really thought that I would type these kind of entries- mostly because I don't like exposing myself to others, but I guess I'm becoming more extrovert?? Its hard to speak to others about your problems/troubles because you simply feel you're bothering them.. or feel really self-absorbed whilst talking about yourself. So most of the time I feel pretty self-centered whilst I'm typing such entries.. but at this stage I really don't care. I am. I really want to talk to people but it doesn't seem that I can open my mouth, or when I do- I just don't make sense.. so it seems like I'm wasting their time. Take a simple example: "What's wrong with you?" "......" "There's obviously something or you wouldn't be crying so hard" "I don't know" "Tell me" ((in the 'you're-upto-no-good' kind of tone)) See. When I don't answer people think its because I've got something to hide but I really haven't!! I want to talk, but I can't. For the simple reason... I don't know where to start. Also being that my life hasn't gone drastically wrong or anything, I cannot see where such tears come from. Compared to others, my life is pretty good. I will admit I've done the cuts in the past, but never to the extent that I want to lose everything.. so I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm grateful for what I have now..but does grateful mean fully satisfied or happy yet wanting more? Anyway, I think I'm getting off topic ((which I always do anyway)).. thought I don't really know what this 'topic' is supposed to be. Well... seeing as I'm just rambling on and on I think I'll stop- save myself from this asylum of questions- none of which I have answers to, not even the first one..told you! Well, Goodnight.
Hey, it's totally okay to feel the way you do, to have days or weeks when you just can't stop crying. I know I've been there. And it's just hard to pinpoint what's really bothering you. Something is, but you just don't know. It's totally okay and it's totally normal. As long as it's not all the time and it's not for overly long periods of time... 'cause that's depression. And there's nothing wrong with talking about yourself, especially if you're typing out your thoughts and feelings. You know you best, right? So of course you're going to talk about yourself. It's not being self-absorbed unless that's all you ever talk about and you take no interest in other people's lives. Your blogs are supposed to be about you; you have a right to be selfish there. So don't worry. You're not "weird", not in the ways you're thinking. You're just you.
Oh no... another thread for emotional feelings by Lovinglyxx, hehe, i am stilling calling ya a emo kid!
ooohhhh...yes....mostly before that time of tha month u know...when women are a bit extra extra bitchy.... mostly the time when i think way too much and feel down....and question everything and every one next life...i def wanna be a guy...no emotions or crazy hormones!
no crazy hormones... eh? you'll substitute that with a lot of hormones? yea i think girls need that. less "bitchiness" and more ...
hmm, i've had that feeling but i always know why i'm sad or angry or at least i think i do lol. dunno, but certainly there must be something upsetting, perhaps ur thinking too much about everything which is causing this. try not to think so much and enjoy life as it is. breathe the air we breathe, savour every moment as one which is ur last. a quote of somewhere. one which i take very seriously. i think its stevenson, can't remember first name.
apparently from research, depression tablets don't work on mild cases, its only effective in cases where ppl are apparently suffering from a lot of depression. besides drugs are never gd for ur body anyway. its better to let it out than to keep it in and build up i say.
Yeah, I've heard that too. But it's not a bad thing. I think, as a society, we've become so dependent on meds to fix our problems. People are "diagnosed" for something mild and suddenly they're on a million and one meds. I don't think it's always necessary. And yeah, I agree. If you can mediate a condition, by letting it out or venting it or whatever, do it, rather than take drugs.
=/ i think shes just a younger....late teenager or maybe in her early twenties... i dont think she should be having those pills...instead of that i think she just has to learn how to deal with her emotions instead of escaping them with pills... i mean sadness is just a part of ur life...how can u truly say that u are feeling happiness if you have never felt sadness... there would simply be nothing to compare it with...
Eh, you probably got some depression problem or your just going through a phase. I heard that teenagers always have these up and down moment thingy.... I myself am going through some depression lol, I'm constantly worried about my future. Seriously, sometimes I feel like killing myself for doing bad in school lol. I've even told my friend that If I can't make it to University I'll go kill myself. Now that's some serious issue.
Hello lovinglyxx, I think ur not the only person who got this problem. Myself, I've got this problem too... I'm always asking myself why am I crying for? But I never got the answer. And the worse is that I'm a boy and a boy shouldn't cry... There was so many situation that I cried for a little thing... Like for example, one day I entered late to my classroom because I went out to take a key for my lock for school. If I didn't go take the key, there won't be any keys left... And as I entered the classroom they teacher was mad and started to shout on me... My eyes was crying but I didn't want to show to everyone and the teacher that I'm crying... Someone hit me, I cried... Someone speak bad things about me, I cried... I've got a very very bad note on a test, I cried... There was a moment, when I was playing a game, I cried too because I didn't get the UBER UBER item on the game, normally I should get the item, but the leader of the clan didn't want to give me... I cried... Am I not stupid? Or better to say I'm like a girl? Well all those things I wrote here... I think now everybody knows that I'm a boy who just cry. What would everyone think about me? They would think that I'm a girl and bla bla... And all boys from PA will laugh at me, because I cry for everything... I can't control myself, the drops are always going out from my eyes by itself... Maybe I'm too sensible... I really wanna stop this... Well like the day I got beaten, I didn't defend myself and I cried... I felt that I was useless and why did I cry? I don't know myself, my eyes just began to cry. From that day on, I told everyone about that, and as u see I posted on PA forum. A friend of me asked me why did I tell that to everyone it's a shame to tell to everyone because u got beaten and u didn't defend yourself. I responded her, I told everyone because I just can't let the things stay in my heart, because I don't feel well, I feel better if I tell to everybody. I don't care if it's a shame, because it is the reality, that thing is really passed, so why should shame myself. I was really beaten and I didn't defend myself, so what? I'm a person who like to smile everyday, there are many things that can't get me angry too. Like if we play a sport game and we are in the way to lose the match, some people are just angry and mad just because they are loosing, but I'm different, no matter what I'm always smiling, because it's just a game and we play just for the fun. I just want to keep my emotion. =] lovinglyxx you should really talk about ur problems with friends, u will feel better! I have a friend who I can talk about everything and she keeps every things in secret. Friday I just talked with her about my problems. We take the same train and we live in the same location, we went to the parc and tlaked about every single problems, and after that way I feel much much better^^, because ur friends can give u opinions =] That's why friends exist! U should tell to someone u trust! GooD Luck -sorc
=/ i think u should edit ur post...u sorta posted a bit of that text twice didnt u? anyways....im moved by ur words tundra....-hug i wish i could give u a big big big warm hug now.... ur a good kid...n it takes a lot of courage (esp for guys) to speak how u truly feel and show emotions... thereforrr.....i think ur -cool2 -flow
Yea, i have heard of depression ab289, it's kinda of hard avoiding that subject when i know people who are on the stuff. Anyway, MissAngieCheeks is right, i don't want to take those pills because i seriously don't know how mild/serious i am, i'm just speaking from what i feel like from time to time. I guess i'm feeling this less now and (kinda) realise what the problem (or part of it anyway) is.. but for this very reason i feel that i shouldnt be sad and so, force myself to believe that sometimes "shit happens" in life and you've just got to deal with it! i'm sure there's ppl who are worse off than me but sometimes you just let things get to you. Dh_135 Gosh this seems kinda serious :/ do you still feel like this? i must say i've never thought of killing myself just because i've done bad at school.. if anything it's out of curiousity (ok i know that sounds weird........ don't ask please lol). i always worry about my future! i have no idea what the course im currently studying at uni is going to for me lol and where im going to end up! but you know what they say, life is full of surprises- though you have a garunteed education it may not garuntee the type of future you want- so don't get too down about things! Tundra i don't believe in that "you're a boy you shouldnt cry" stuff, i mean guys are still people right? People have emotions~ and sadness happens to be one of them, even though the reasons for my tears are sometimes unknown/ridiculous/significant, i always feel calmer afterwards- it just feels as if i've let this huge cloud of bad emotions out really and yea, i used to talk abt my problems with my friend back in highschool/college because we kinda went through the same stuff, though she was a bit more extreme than me.. but after we talked i felt so much better because i could talk to her and it just feels like she understands me- its the feeling of empathy rather than sympathy that counts. but now i talk to my byf now .. at uni i don't think there are many people who i would act like this too- i havent cried in front of anyone about random things, probs because (1) it's just wen im alone that i feel this kind af feeling and (2) i just dont want to give that emo/cry cry cry image out because i don't want ppl to always be worried about me and stuff but then again i feel much better at uni so yup, thanks for the advice and thanks for everyone else with their encouraging words )))))))))))))))) wow that was an essay hehee*
dont use prozac or other anti depressiva. they have a lot of sideeffects. even more than i thought. * Allergic or Toxic - Rash, Pruritus (skin inflammation) * Neurological - Headache, Tremor, Dizziness, Asthenia * Behavioral - Insomnia, Anxiety, Nervousness, Agitation, Abnormal dreams, Drowsiness and fatigue * Autonomic - Excessive sweating * Gastrointestinal - Nausea, Disturbances of appetite, Diarrhea * Respiratory - Bronchitis, Rhinitis (inflammation of the nasal mucous membranes), Yawning * Endocrine - Weight loss * Musculoskeletal - Muscle pain, Back pain, Joint pain * Urogenital - Painful menstruation, Sexual dysfunction, Urinary tract infection, Frequent micturition * Miscellaneous - Chills
It is always better solving depression by yourself...drug is always a temporary cover up for it... Tundra, you shouldn't be embarrassed about crying, crying is a way of letting out pressure, if you think about it, if you took alternative way to let out pressure, you might hurt someone your friend or family members or maybe yourself... And don't always bottle these emotions up, once you reach the limit from bottling up these emotions, the consequences can be very negative... also releasing pressure, can help with depression a lot.
