I'm in a complicated situation with my best friend. She likes me and wants to be more than friends. We've only known each other for 4 years, but I've never really see her as anything more than just a really close friend. Recently she had just broken up with her boyfriend and started expressing her feelings towards me. It's pretty much one sided and it must suck for her. We kind of have a "physical" relationship going on too. But it didn't really involve any feelings, at least not on my half. Knowing each other so well could be the problem. Because we're so close, I can only deal with her as a friend, but never a spouse. She questioned me when we explored this topic. "How could you like someone you only just met, and not care for someone whom has known you for 4 years?" And she wonders if it's about her looks. I know I'm shallow but that's not the issue here. I just don't have any feelings towards her. is this my fault? it's already messing up our friendship picture if I take it any further how worse it could've gotten. And I'm sure as long as I stick around, she would still have feelings for me, but it would just be hidden. Nothing's more horrible than not being able to express yourself. What's worst is, whenever I have problems, it's her who I turn to. But now, I don't even have a friend to talk to. Cus whoever I talk to, it'll get to her ears anyhow. (Girls are a bit scary that way) I've thought about just asking her out and see how it goes. But it's a fact that it's either there to start with or it's not there at all. any advice would be appreciated. Anyone else ever in this situation and knows what to do?
well...the physical relationship was a bad idea honestly...you'll hurt her even more by doing that...i would leave that out...i mean if u dont like her, as you said, having a physical relationship makes it worst and even harder for her.... if you're really sure you dont like her...tell her that...you just see a really good friend in her, and don't want to lose that relationship, cuz i guess this friendship means quite a lot to you... if you're not sure about your feelings...you can ask her out, and give it a shot...if both of you realize that its better to be friends, then there's not a problem anymore...if she still has feeling for you...dont just ignore her...that would hurt her...be as usual to her, but dont give her any more hope that there could be more...cuz that will hurt her too... its a tough thing...but just be yourself...and tell her clearly that she means a lot to you...but just as a friend...and not more....
She confides in you emotionally. And it may not be love afterall. "How could you like someone you only just met, and not care for someone whom has known you for 4 years?" She is probably referring to her ex. If she is your friend, dont hurt her by ur suspicions
this sounds serious, my suggestion would be talking it out and trying to reach a agreement. i agree the physical part is whats the problem between the two of you. Open communication is the key and if u have no feelings for her, its a tough situation as she has feelings for u and i feel that u two can never be friends as u were once as the physical happened.
How could you like someone you only just met, and not care for someone whom has known you for 4 years?" She is so naive to ask that. First of all, the initiation of a romantic relationship is not based on the longevity of your time together prior to dating. You should let her know that so she can learn to think in a more proper manner. I don't know what you're puzzling about. You shouldn't think in abstract because the situation here is very simple. #1) She likes you #2) You don't Currently, you are not at fault so don't blame yourself YET. Just tell her how you ACTUALLY feel and how much you value your friendship with her and want to remain it that way. Even though you mention all those truthful words in the nicest POSSIBLE way, it's going to hurt her no matter what. BUT at least you are NOT leading her on, cause if you do begin a relationship with her when you know you shouldn't, that's when you are wrong and deceptive to yourself. However, I don't think she is emotionally in love with you based on your provided info? I think she is only looking for a rebound. Do not EVER put yourself in the position where you are not supposed to be at. Do not expect to be friends like before after telling her that she can only be your friend. Give it some time, and she will find someone else and so will you...eventually you guys will talk and be friends again like before ONE DAY...
tsk tsk tsk....kids...what do i always say...dont have sex with ur friends.... friends with benefits hardly ever work out...(not speaking outta experience here btw) anyways....i think its really hard to be friends now...i mean... u were friends.. had sex... and it doesnt seem like it was a incidental thing.... so she likes u now....sorry my friend...i dont think u guys can still be best friends....i mean true friends without any feelings from her side but if u wanna try anyways... at least make it clear that u do care but just dont like her in that way and that u just saw it as a physical thing only...ehm yeah.....and leave her alone for a bit n then c how things go from there i think keep on hanging out with her wont do her any good...and def DONT sleep with her anymore because now u know shes got feelings for u and u know u dont...it would be sooo wrong if u keep doing it...id say ur using her
How can you have sex with someone that you dont love? Drink too much alcohol? Anyway I think you should be honest to her. Tell her the truth.
Have you ever thought that maybe you're a "rebound"? It's hard to come out from a relationship, not having that kind of love, warmth and attention... Because, if that's the case, she doesn't really like you. She just wants to love and to be loved. Then, you must be relieved. Also.... if you DIDN'T sleep with her, you can also throw the "I only see you like a lil sis" card. Just cause you slept with her, I think that fucked up your friendship. And don't date her if you don't like her as more than friends. Don't dare her just cuz you don't wanna lose her as a friend. Have a serious talk with her. Give her some time if thats what she needs and accept whatever outcome comes from that...
yeah..... just tell her like it is, burst her bubble as soon as possible... because the bigger it gets the harder it will be for her to get over it.....
She might just be on the rebound. But I would really not pursue this if you don't like her. A friendship for 4 years is a pretty strong bond... I would be careful about risking that.
Thank you for taking your time and reading this. Well, I've made it clear to her that we won't work out. And she said that she's over it, I think it's a lie. You can't just get over someone just like that. But the fact that we have school together and she tries every way to spend time with me. I purposely went home super early today, but she stopped by my house with a bunch of people and got me to go to the mall with her. Since they knocked, not like I could turn them down. She tries a get a bit intimate at times. Example, I was trying to apply to hollister, and she sorta hugged me from behind while I was doing it. I dunno, I just kinda not react to it. And maybe you're right about the physical thing, it's not such a good idea. And it's impossible to spend time away from each other. I found her a bit annoying today. I guess I'll keep a log of what's happening so you guys could help me get thru this.
hahaha be careful dude...if she tries to seduce u... just be strong and try to say no...!!! hahaha ayoh...must be hard for a guy....
by starting a physical relationship with her is a TERRIBLE MOVE!! esp if you dont have any feelings towards her. and yeah, she's obvisouly not over you...if she's had a thing for you for the past four years..very unlikely that's she's over you that quickly...esp not if she just randomly hugs you from behind. i suggest you have a talk with her. clear things up once AGAIN. say again that you dont have any feelings for her and that you really dont want to lose a friend as good as her. Say that you dont' want to hurt her, but if she keeps on trying to get intimate...then one of these days she might misinterpret your intentions and get hurt. she seems stubborn though....good luck man
Something came up. It's a bit long and complicated. But my bestfriend and close friend got into a conflict about some boy now. They both like him, but he likes my bestfriend, and now she's telling me about how much she likes him too, but doesnt want to backstab her friend. I'm a bit annoyed, mad at her, and jealous. I don't know why. Is this normal? Should I just ignore these emotions?
man...ur best friend doesnt know what she wants eh...sexing u and then telling u she wants u... and then when theres some other guy she wants him....odd... i think she just wants to have someone.... just anyone...doesnt matter who...hmmmm quite random.... lol...ur jealous eh.... hmmm...u never know what u had until u lost it.....? maybe u just want her attention for a bit...and now that she doesnt want u no more u feel bad.... if the feeling stays and u feel hurt... then u do have " a bit of a problem "
perhaps u do have feelings for her then if ur jealous and she's prob doing this to see if u rele do have feelings for her i think.
She just wanna be love and loved back. If she can jump from you to another guy so easily, she's not after you or the guy, she's after a relationship and everything that comes with that. It doesn't matter who the guy is. I believe she just want to have a relationship. :/ But that.... even if you confront her with it, she most likely will deny it.
lol, trick is... best way to burst her bubble is if you two are getting physical talk about another chick that you like or want to get with....... yeah see how she reacts to that and perferably not when she is down on you... but for now.... you feel jealous? tsk tsk you are missing the attention!!! Clearly you have feelings you just don't want to admit.... if she likes someone else and you had no feelings for her than you should be happy she could meet someone, but either way i think she is testing you to see if you would "fight" for her
LOL, burst her bubble. I think we've established he's already burst her bubble, her cherry and whatever. I agree with akki. ask yourself. Do you really like her? If you're doing the physical stuff, there must be something there.
