If your significant other isn't willing to learn and respect your culture, rather, if said person doesn't already do these things, then maybe you shouldn't get married to that person. And of course, it works both ways. Chinese culture should be learned/respected, but so should the foreign culture, be it American or whatever. Fortunately, American culture is an amalgamation of other cultures, but so is Chinese culture. What does it mean to talk about Chinese, anyway? Does it refer to Han Chinese only? What about people with Manchurian ancestry, do they count as Chinese? What about Mongolian ancestry. China's cultural high point, during the Tang Dynasty, was a time where anything foreign was praised. Foreign clothing, food, music, dancing, whatever. So China's culture is not as homogenized as it is often stereotyped into being. One of China's main religions, Buddhism, came from India. I'm a white American male, and my wife is Taiwanese. Sure, there are cultural differences, but it hasn't been some huge struggle. Marriage in itself is a struggle, but when you get down to it, people are people. We all have the same basic needs and desires. We go about them in different ways, we think about them in different ways, but there is more that binds human beings together than separates them. Unfortunately, every nation of people suffers from racism.
I don't think its all about communication, since a lot of our family members can speak the language here. I think its more about tradtiion. Chinese parents like to see their sons/daughter-in-laws respectful and know the chinese standards and traditions.
Your parents are probably right, Chinese girls usually are control freaks, most of the time , for most of them, wonder how materials could be bigger and better and they always have an opinion about things not as good as they should be. One day, not all of them, they will say to you:- 1) You don't earn as much money as so and so, 2) We don't have a car as good as so and so, 3) You are not as tall as so as so.. 4) Your spectacles lenses are thicker than so and so... and so on and so on...unless you are into branded goods, avoid those ones who always go for the famous brand names, it will be hard to keep up with them, as when they move away from brand goods they will spend the money on some other quality pursues. Asians are really very tiring to converse with as they are always so opinionated and compare so much in life! On the other hand, if love and care are what you like most, a man likes a comfy home then look no further than a western home! Of course there are the asian women who place love and affection more than most, they are a rare breed and are endangered species in a city world of academia, competition, bitchiness, Rolex watches, BMW and Mercedes cars.....as Darwin said.. only the fittest survives.
On this planet, in general , nearly all countries or nations with multiple races with a single homogenous group of people, the homogenous group of people dislikes marriage with externals or outlanders. However in USA and UK and to some extent Latin American the whites are already quite mixed so they tend to accept mixed race marriage more readily. If you go to countries like Ukraine, Poland, Serbia, Finland, Iceland, Pakistan, Iran, Ethiopia, Mozambique...etc, where the people are more homogenous, mixed race marriages are rare. Even in Germany where the race is homogeneous German, they frown on mixed coloured marriages, much more so in the former Eastern Germany. China, Mongolia, Tibet, Korean and Japan are pretty much single people in each country. Another big factor is that the past generation of asian families tend to think optimistically that asian/asian marriage is more stable, as they have seen 50% + divorce rate in the western countries when they live. Of course they don't want to realise high divorce rate happens to all races in western countries. But as they see mostly whites then they tend to associate this divorce rate as being not family like and asians are big on family values.
hey surplusletterbox!! i think everything u said it's right for me because chinese pp love to compare everything with everyone and always gossip around with someone's issues and another thing ur right is about chinese pp think about marriage rate......
whats the statistic of interracial divorce? Wasnt it extremely high in the US? Esically the one where the female is asian, the divorce rate was damn high in one of those articles release in 2007. Wasnt it close to 60-70 %.
If I have kids, I wouldn't want them to. Preserving the culture is a big part; I'm sure a fair number of ABCs and CBCs can hardly write their name, not to mention speaking the language. And I'd love to see actual statistics as to whether the couples even take the time to learn the asian side; I have a feeling it's usually one sided towards the Western lifestyle and language. On numerous occasions at Chinese restaurants, I see some white guy sitting by himself awkwardly while the rest of the table is chatting away in cantonese. And every now and then, someone leans over an explains what the next dish is. I personally couldn't live with that, but that's just me.
How racial can parents get when they tell you, yes you can marry other races but just not black people.
i think it's because the parents think that foreigners dont and will not understand the chinese/asian traditions
I think parents are just to stubborn for change. All those preserving tradition and language barriers are just excuses for parents to use. If u really think about it we CBC or ABC are not preserving really much of the Chinese culture. I am a prime example i can still understand Canto but i can't read or write. But when u look at my young nephews they speak more english then they do Chinese. They speak and understand it for my grandparents but even them they are using a bit if english with them. Look at us culturally, what traditions are we preserving? Family? What about religion? Family these days don't like to live together anymore most family live away from each other. Religion well from all the newer families from my generation of friends i am 26 btw. I don t not see little red shrines in the houses anymore. Truthfully i don't really want one in my house either. And one last thing is that people like to hang out with people that are like themselves. If a CBC or ABC have a choice to hang and get along with mainlander or a white guy. The truth is you would probably chose the white guy. Interracial relationships is bound to happen sooner or later, maybe not with this generation but probably the next and those parents that think its bad is just plain stubborn or just does not really see the big picture of what is really happening around them.
I respect you opinions, however, from my personal experiences I have some difference that I would like to share. I come from a very large clan with little bits and pieces of us all over the globe. Multi-ethnic families run about 50-50 so my insight is perhaps a bit shaded. I've seen Chinese speaking white relatives have to interpret for non Chinese speaking "Chinese" relatives; and Chinese looking relatives speak several European languages as they were born into a multilingual family. On the other hand, my 100% pure ethnic ABC kids are a sinophile's nightmare . They can't speak Chinese very well, and forget about reading or writing. The total amount of Chinese history that they're aware of would probably fit all on one page (and mind you, that's double spaced with extra long fonts). As for myself, I'm ethnic Chinese, born in America, have dated Black, White, Asian, and Latino women; married and divorced from a Spanish woman; lived with various white women; and raised a family with a Chinese woman. I didn't plan any of the above, things just happened that way. A lot of the points discussed here are valid, yet all should not be looked upon as absolutes. Everyone is different. The point raised about divorces also fails to consider the fact that couples grow differently, or apart, and their dissolution of marriage may be entirely unrelated to the frictions of ethnicity or culture. My first marriage broke apart for such reasons; the fact that she was Spanish and I Chinese wasn't even remotely of concern. I think that most parents, regardless of race, culture, or ethnicity, want a set of in-laws that they can identify or communicate with. The more estranged the cultural or ethic fit, the harder it would be for the in-laws to participate in the lives of the couple. That may be a good or bad thing depending on the circumstances but I won't belabor the issue, LOL... -sweat Ralph
Mostly is Chinese that have to adapt foreign culture and learn english instead of foreign people maybe some living in Bejing.
It's not everyone but most people care about their culture. It's not always about tradition. No culture means no more popular asians. I hope everyone here tries to keep their culture, you know bi-cultural (not bi-racial) but being able to know of two cultures. It's better because you can live anywhere in the world and if you become too westernized then you won't have as much opportunities to live in different places because you are only stuck with english and it's harder. Your kids would probably end up hating other Asians because they got brainwashed or white washed by western politics and the media. Marrying across different cultures that are too different have been found to have higher divorce rates. for example white male and Asian female. If you Asian and you live in a western country do what you can to preserve your culture, it's very sad that it gets lost. And don't listen to racist bigots who think asians have to assimilate and forget who they are, asians do not have to change to fit in their western standards. It's wrong and it's a racist imperialist concept. It's better to integrate or acculturate.
