Parents

Well, just a little info, im 18 male. And its not the first time, but do you guys sometime go out with friends and then you hang out until late say 2 am? - going clubbing or whatever.
Then everytime you go out, your parents always tell you to come home early - not in a calm way, but very strict - like they think you are taking drugs or doing bad stuff - and they have - i think , a bad image of people going clubbing. (well they say 'disco' haha)
i dont understand them, they wanted to lock me out one time when i came home at 2 am, but i still managed to get home.... what is wrong with them? is going out late THAT BAD? any ideas how i can get around this?

 

My parents are exactly the same thing. I think it just has to do with some asian parents, they arent as laid back =x

 

Yah, My parents tell me to come home early every time I go out, but i never do. They don't lock me out of the house though.

I think it's true that most asian parents are strict, but that's probably how they grew up, and stuff, yada yada yada.

Your 18, your an adult. Talk to them. If they still think that, then maybe they think your not capable of taking care of yourself.

 

lol most chinese parents are 長氣, but its for your own good

 

^ awww phil dai dai...gum gwai jai arr....^^



but yeshhh most rents are like that....and the way to think about it....is yeshhh
your rents are pretty annoying right now...but they have your best interests at
heart.....i think the best way around it....is prolly just sit down with them and
talk them through that your growing up and all decide on some middle ground
or something.....you wont always be arguing and fighting when you say you're
going out...or something....kinda makes the atmosphere kinda tense....well i
hope it all works out for you~~~~

 

my parents got used to it after a while. they used to be so strict but i think they gave up afterwards haha.

 

How can you "get around" this? Wait until they drop dead; that's when they'll stop caring about you. In the meanwhile, count your blessings. My Mom is near 80; she still nags me, LOL...

But OTOH, house rules are house rules. When you own your own house, then you can set the rules. If they say the door is locked after midnight, then you better find a hotel if you get there after 12. If you don't, it just means that you don't respect the people that you're mooching off of. Yeah, I know they're your parents, but you gotta treat them with the same respect that you would give to a stranger. Just think about, if you were living with a total stranger and the door was shut at midnight, do you think you have the right to enter any time you want? Bottom line, you don't even respect your parents. What's "wrong with them?" I suggest you try pointing that finger 180 degrees the other way and asking the same question, LOL...

 

honestly... i live by this rule with the parents... if you are capable of taking care of urself, move ur ass out... otherwise... their house, their rules... youngin's that love to argue back with their parents and think they know better, often times don't... i'm not saying op is one of those cuz i dont' know him... but then again... how many times do u come across an 18yo who rly knows what they're doing?

rly now... the "you're 18, you're an adult now"... that makes me laff so hard... yeah you're so adult that's why u still live with ur parents right? that doesn't even fly well with the ladies... let alone ur parents...

 

Try talking to your parents and reach a compromise. In the eyes of parents, despite whatever your age is, they still look at their children as kids. As ppl have said, count it as a blessing that you still have parents that nag you.

 

dont pick up the calls then lol..its so embarassing when my mom calls me when im out at nite like everytime so i just don't pick up....i beeen locked out before...i was just on the stairs sittign the whole night and napping here and there....and my parents dont konw my friends and probably not goin to anyways cause they always have opinions

parents excuse is that they are being protective and caring but i find it the opposite...we need to grow up and make own decisions and if its the wrong decision then we'll leran from it

 

^ u sound like a bad kid!!
My mum nags too but, I always pick up when my mum calls! =)

To OP:

Since I was 15 they never told me what time to get home (so lucky)... but i can imagine why ur parents are asking u to come hom early....

I know its annoying for u but u have to try n c things from their perspective
They are worried... doesnt have to be because they are scared u will become a bad boy but they probably just fear the unknown.
I mean, they've never been to the "disco" but probably only hear bad things about em (drugs, alcohol, fights etc)
Ur probably thinking, those things will happen to me but its a fact that these things do happen in clubs so they just dont want u to be in that "bad environment"

 

ahaha ur parents sound like miine! i had the talk with her..and after that she let go bit by bit and now all she asks is when im coming home.

 

totally agree with you...

 

you have a point... but the thing is, its not that i dont respect them, of course i do. But dont you think its alright if you go out late once in awhile, its not like i always go out till late night. say once or twice a month? is that still asking too much? they only remember the bad stuff and forget the good stuff. thats why they always say, you always go out - yes i do, but i dont go clubbing everynight. two different things.....

thats what i think too, we need to experience the good and the bad stuff outside , if not, it jsut will hurt us even more in the future - then we decide and make our own decision....

all in all, i still love my parents.... even though they still are a pain now and then...

 

I understand that you probably don't disrespect them per se; but rather take them for granted (as most kids do with their parents). Learning to see your parents as real people with their own needs are something that kids only realize when they grow up; like someone here already stated, you're only 18 and that's probably the farthest thing from your mind right now. What is on your agenda is being able to flex your muscles and have a greater sense of social independence. It may seem simple to you, but to your parents emotionally, your doing so is as poignantly fraught with as much danger as when your mother taught you how to cross the street the very first time. If you think about it in those terms, you might appreciate the value that your parents place on you, and the collective angst that your seemingly benign activity causes them.

I would suggest that you make concessions; promise to call them if you're going to late; tell them that if it's too late, you'll promise to take a cab, even if you don't have the money and they'll have to wait for you at the curb with the funds. You, and your safety is all that they're concerned about. As long as you fully understand that, then it's easy to see how to negotiate around the issue.

Good luck.

 

i don't know about you but back when i was a kid, gun shot was like music to my ear and you can probably spot a drug dealer at every corner of the street. i was living in a project housing so you can't really complaint. my parents locked the door and shut the light the minute the clock struck 9 pm. i remember having to do my homework at one point in the closet.

anyway, my point is that parents are only looking out for you. you may think you're a grown up now and can take care of yourself. it's fine to go hang and clubbing with friends and all but you gotta understand, fights and stuffs usually break out at the scene. your parents have every right to be worry. setting up a curfew sorta speak is not meant to be clear about house rule or whatsoever (though it doesn't hurt since you're living in their house) but just so that you'll know when to get home so that they too know you're safe and sound. no matter how old you are, in their eyes, you will always be a child. it's not your safety they care about but also your health. staying out late and up drinking ain't exactly good for you too. that's just part of being a parent.

although i am not a parent myself but i've been through that phase of life so i know and especially now that i am married, life responsibility and obligations kind force you to grow up where you learn and see thing much more clearly as to why certain things you once deemed as wrong or whatsoever by your parents/family are now right. there's no way around it.

 

not all asian parents are alike.

my folks are mad chill, they let me go out till whenever, because they know i can take care of myself, and am responsible.

that doesn't mean i am spoiled, and will develop bad habits, because even with no curfew, i RARELY go clubbing, i don't smoke i don't do shit... well i drink lol

point is, if you prove to your parents that you are responsible and will continue being responsible, they will be more lenient.

for the past week i've been coming home at two etc etc, my mom just asks me where i have been, i tell her, and she's like ok, and leaves.

simple shit.



edit: i've been thinking, i guess it's not the parents' fault for being so strict. they still think of you as kids, as immature children.

my friend has the same problem of parents being naggy etc etc. my thoughts would be to act like an adult, show your parents you are mature enough to take care of yourself.

the problem with people whose parents are still naggy is because something makes their parents insecure, it may be immaturity, irresponsibility, etc.

by acting like a mature adult, you take away that insecurity, hence parents SHOULD be more lenient.

then again, that only happened to me, so i don't know if it will work on others lol

 

Pfft I'm 19 and parents wants me home before 11pm, better than last year, 9pm........You can either negotiate with them and slowly get them to let you out later at night

 

Bottom line .. I am sure any "normal" and "azn" parents only look out for their kids with whatever they doing .. so yeah, azn parents are a lot better than western parents who probably show you the door once you reached 18 ... lol