i'm now against it .. there's a feeling u can't describe when u can see/talk to them whenever u need them ..
3 is my case. i'm planning to go abroad but i also think it's like a test, if we can survive this situation we do connect, if not well....i'll see about that
theres too much to sacrifice for a long distance relationship...but if u like someone from half way around the world...you cant just ignore the feelings. the hard part is to get rid of it...
overall long distance relationship is VERY hard to keep and VERY hard to maintain, not 2 say it never works out, its jus hard. in general long distance relationships help strengthen the relationship mentally, who said feelings or love need physical? all it matters is the thought and everything... ever heard its the thought that counts? of course actions shows a lot, but it really depends on the people to make it work.... i dont know how long u've known this partner of yours, but try 2 keep that person y your side, be friends and see where it goes from there... as time goes on u will know what kind of person he/she is.... it also depends what u want as well knowing all these people's feedbacks....
Long distance relationship works wonderfully well only if you are loyal, dedicated and willing to accept the absence of your loved one beside you. I know more successful long distance relationships than ones where people lived as close together as any. Might as well say that short distance relationships don't work! I came across an opinion poll where you can see mixed responses for this debate.
i agree it builds a special bond between the two... lots and lots of trust must be taken in to account for each other....
When you've really found the person you love, no matter where they are and no matter how much distance there are between you two, you'd both still make it work because of the bond. I used to not believe in long distance relationships. But I am in one myself now. It's not easy - that's for sure. My friend always ask me how I do it. She sees her boyfriend every day, while I don't get to. But, when you love someone unconditionally, what would location matter? However, I guess one advantage is that we both live in the same country (different states), so our timezone is the same. At the moment, neither of us work, though we've already started planning what we'll want to do in the following years. We'll finish our degrees, get a job, make the money, and he'll try and move here as soon as he can. Of course, we both know that's easier said than done (lots of things might come up and change, but we can't worry that much since we wouldn't have a clue what's waiting for us in the future), but just having to know that we both are serious in this and do intend to marry and have a family is enough at this moment. Many people can say, "psht, he's just saying that", but I know he isn't just saying it and I know he means it. Being in a LDR makes you appreciate simple things. You appreciate being able to hold their hand, to cuddle them, to spend time with them, to relax with them, to watch a movie with them, to just be in each other's company physically. Many people (not all, just many) probably takes this for granted. Of course, that being said, I do not mind when people don't believe in long distant relationships. What I do mind is when people tell me my relationship wouldn't work out because it's long distant. Please, if you don't like it, keep it to yourself - don't put down other people's relationship. It's a simple thing called respect. Of course, there are exceptions to this and there are obvious down sides to long distance relationships, but isn't that also the same for the relationships where you get to see each other everyday? People can pretend to be someone they are not even when you see them every day. The moment you marry - the moment they turn back to their "real" self and the moment you realise it's just not right. That can happen when you meet your partner IRL from a LDR, but it can also happen to regular relationships. I think both regular and LDR have the same amount of ups and downs, but the ups and downs are "opposites". For example, in regular relationships, you would usually get to know each other more and more. With LDR, you tend to start off knowing the person really well (because having a LDR kind of forces you to talk a lot. In my case, anyway). In regular relationships, you start getting used to each other's real life "bad habbits" straight away, but in LDR, that comes after getting to know the person (in terms of how they think/act/etc). I dunno, but soul mates aren't something you can find easily in general, anyway. I just happened to find mine in another state.
=) hey pancakes, i agree with u, n its good to hear u guys have got ur stuff planned out... ur bf is willing to give up his own life in his city to be with u... thats so good ! it sure is much better that u guys live in the same timezone n country....makes things much easier... i really hope it works out for u but if it doesnt its ok.... its not much different from any other relationship... theres never a guarantee a relationship can work out other people's opinion dont matter its easy for them to say it wont work out etc but if u guys both have faith in it, who cares right? as long as u both really love eachother, r happy n able to handle it then thats good wish u guys all the best la -flow
pancakes -- not discouraging you since everyone's different but in general, ldr simply don't work out. b4 i go further, let me ask you, why can't you move to him; why does he have to move up to you?? my point here is that such a relationship requires a lot of sacrifices in additional to trust and communication which make it extremely hard for things to pan out at the end. for now, neither of you are working so ya'll still have some more times to spend when ya'll off school or whatsoever. however, when ya'll start working, it will be difficult to coordinate similiar schedule (depend on which field/industry; won't be easy if ya'll going into consulting where you have to fly a lot). talking and planning don't mean a thing cuz life never turns out the way we expect it to be. i speak from experience but again, everyone's different. you might not agree with what i said but like you mentioned in the other post, doesn't hurt to hear different pov. at the end, you're the one living with your decisions.
@ MissCheekS: Yes! Absolutely, and thank youu! Of course - that is why I said it's easier said than done (wait I forgot whether I said it in this thread or another), and there's bound to be issues that comes up. I do agree with the thing where neither of us work, so we have time to spend together. But that is also the case for any other relationships, isn't it? I've had many friends that had been together with their boyfriends in high school, but end up breaking up once we get to uni. A couple have been together for 5 years or so, but they ended up breaking up. I guess it's only different when you've met the person after you started working, cos then you'd be used to each other's spare times already, LDR or not. Anything's possible, really. Whether it's LDR or not, there's still chances of things changing all of sudden. Whether people had been going out for long, or whether they have been married. It's so easy to get a divorce these days. But that's beside the point~ In the end - either one of us will have to move to each other's city to be together, just that at this moment, he's willing to move up here. I guess the main reason he decided to move up (I never asked him or requested him to want this) is because I'm very close to my family while he's almost the direct opposite with his. I guess if both of us were really close to our families, then it'd be a bit different. He's also met my family, and liked them very much (and so did my family like him... least my sister and mum anyway, =P), so yeah. My dad has the same thought as you, so I guess only time will prove that it'll work out. Hopefully, anyway. Though, I don't like to think about the possibilities of it not working out. Not because I "can't face" it if it really does happen, but I'd like to be a bit more optimistic. Makes life a lot easier. But, who knows. I might be the one ending up to move to him. Or maybe he'd come live here for a while and we'd move back down together. =P Though I guess if you've met someone you liked that lives far away from you, and you have your doubts about starting a relationship, then it already means you're not ready to commit yourself to this. I used to be very skeptical about LDRs. Seen a lot of people go through them and just crash afterwards. But, meh, he changed my mind. Besides.. most of the time, when you've really met your true love, you can't turn away from them no matter what. xD!
my bf and i broke up because of the long distance. we both believed that it wouldn't work. however, it has been 6 months, we haven't been seeing other ppl and we call each other everyday. basically, we are still together just without the actual title. why would the title matter if you actually care for each other? we can easily "resume" the gf/bf status or whatnot, but the fact is, even if we are not bf/gf by name, there's not different from any other relationship. i would say this is much better than those who remain physical contact but cheat on each other
I live in Daly City Long distance relationships are hard, even if the distance isn't that big. There used to be this girl, me and her hit it off pretty well. During the summer I would see her everday in Chinatown, and everday we would hang out, talk, basically have a good time =) well I liked her alot and then school started. Its hard for me to go to Chinatown now, especially on weekdays when Im loaded with homework. Also my parents didn't help either, for some reason once school shows up they get so strict. They would not let me go to CT anymore, and well, me and her kind of drifted. It sucks but it is reality.
@pancake - well, it's not how long a couple has been together. i know a friend who had been with her boyfriend for over ten years and they broke up; two months later, she was married to someone else and they're still together. another friend met her boyfriend online, after college, she moved to Montreal, married, and settled until now .. still happily married btw. my point is that the possibility is still there; nonetheless, how many do you see or hear that really worked out .. not many .. that's not to say that things wouldn't work out for you. i said that simply to cautious you about that very possibility .. you're pretty much working against 90% or more possibility of not working out. i understand that time and distance realistic don't matter in relationship but certain situation expect/require more work in a relationship than others; LDR is the himilayas you gonna have to climb and it's not easy. being optimistic is good but you also gotta be realistic. at the end, you're the one who will either be blissfully married or hurt and based on your post; you appeared to have strong emotion about this particular relationship and if things don't work out (knock on wood), it will be big blow .. the deeper you fall, the harder it is to get out .. gals are after all a lot more emotional and sentimental than guys but can also true be extremely heartless sometimes .. lol @asianinvasion - if you need parents' permission to hit ct or cp or jt; then perhaps you're not ready to be in a relationship. it's best to focus on your school work. gal comes and goes so don't bother thinking about it. you're only at the like stage .. not foolishly love stage yet ...lol .. take it easy buddy.
But being optimistic doesn't mean to be stupidly hopeful. They're really two different things. Besides, it may be a hard climb, but I think it's really worth the effort. It may not pay off in the end, but I guess it's an experience. To keep discouraging myself whilst I'm already in the relationship wouldn't do myself any good, anyway. But if I really do feel discouraged, I guess it means I already know deep inside that it won't work out (which is not how I feel atm). How do we define whether a relationship is "successful" or not? If the people move together, is that "successful"? Or is it when they get married and have kids? Or is it when they have celebrated their 50th anniversary? Or is it when they have been married all their life? You cannot say whether a relationship is "successful" or not. You never know what's gonna happen in the future. And since we don't know, I don't think we should limit ourselves just because other people haven't worked their's out. LDRs may be a hard climb, but it's a climb with your significant other and not by yourself. Just the support you give each other helps a lot, even if you miss being with them physically. If there is a lack of support, then obviously they aren't just for each other. Plus, I don't think it matters if I'm trying against "90% of the chances" or not. Love and relationships are not supposed to be associated with numbers and statistics. Not at all. Not in my own humble opinion, anyway.
let's skip the broad sense and get right to your relationship then .. knowing that you have such strong feeling toward this particular guy .. can you be 100% sure he feel the same way? how do you know it's not one-sided?? don't tell me you know it or you can feel it. those kind of answers will consider "blind faith" which you detest in the other post. up until now, you based eveything on how you feel (important) and not consideirng the very possibility ahead .. if that's not "stupidly hopeful", what do you call it?? aside from feeling, you should also place age and environment into your relationship equation. there will be a lot of changes once you get out of school; things you can't control per se. btw, i am not discouraging you; just giving you heads up from my own experience in the past so you're not end up hurting yourself. i know a gal (from peer counseling) who was and is extremely smart but fell for the wrong guy who kicked her to curb and she ended up ruin her own life by dropping out of school and all that shit .. just wasn't able to control her own emotions .. very tough .. even though she said she was TOUGH .. saying is easy alright. anyway, i hope you dont' take it the wrong way that i am trying to encourage to break off your relationship or whatsoever .. that's not my intention at all. oh yeah, by successful, i meant to get to the marriage stage .. after that, we're dealing with life .. no longer simple gal/guy relationship anymore.
@Pancakes, i am kinda in the same situation as you, but just that my bf and i are a lot further apart than you two haha...also, i've met with his family before, they like me, but then my family doesnt like him...so i am planning to move over after university..but still have like a few years to go Q_Q...we have been doing this LDR for almost 2 years, i mean there are times when i really wanna be next to him and so, but then when i do get to see him (which is not often), its greatttt...we both cherish every moment of being together..we are determined to make this work..i live in Canada and he lives in the States..but yeah..i am going over to see him this christmas which is in less than a month, very excited...cant wait to see him...i mean we have our problems, but we always tend to overcome it. Right now, the biggest problem is trying to convince my family to let us be together lol..><"
