i recently met a girl and we have been talking really closely for this past 3 monthes. She has became like my closest female friend because we talk about our deepest secrets and problems. And i started to like her, she said i was her type of guy too but she already has a bf even tho they have a lot of problems recently, she isn't sure anymore if he is the guy for her but they have been together for 4 years already. Since i don't want her to have to choose between two guys especially when things are bad for her and become the bad girl who goes to another nicer guy, his boyfriend would have been the type to say those hurtful words. So i didn't do anything in order to catch her heart but i did tell her that i like her and that i'm ok with just being friend with her and be able to talk with her. Her boyfriend heard of our close relation and somehow got all of our online conversation throught some anonimous hacker (i believe its him but i dont have any proof). And so in order to save her relationship, she took the decision to stop talking to me forever. I just accepted her decision without protesting because i know it's hard for her too, if i tell her the truth it would be harder for her. So we said farewell. Now i regret my decision, it is harder than i thought, i know that if i had ever tried anything i would have definitly caught her heart, she even said she would have liked to have met me sooner, things would have been easier. I regret i didn't say anything but i still can't say it now because i know i will make her regret her decision and she would be worried about me. I have to keep walking my road like nothing happened, if i show any sign of sadness, she would hear about it and it would make her sad. I'm trying to convince myself that i have to see things farther than my ego, if she is happy right now, i should be happy for her too but i'm sad for losing one close friend.
Well, there are only two options for you ... 1. You made the decision (wise one) and move on (best option) 2. You go back and tell her everything (not so wise) and take a chance to see if things pan out. (not recommended) If I were you, I would move on. The last thing I need is to entangle myself with a love triangle. If she falls for you, you may be a rebound. If she doesn't, you still end up hurting yourself. It may be hard to part with someone closed but time will heal all wounds and set you free. Friends come and go in our lives so do expect things will change as time goes by. If you loved her, I think it was wise that you let her go cuz at the end of the day, you want your loved ones to be happy. Another thing to keep in mind is that mental and emotional connection does not equal love or soulmate per se. Anyway, let's not go there.
Id advice u to not chase her...uve made a decision n its not good to be the 3rd person... Trying to "win" a girls heart who is taken is a big no no in my book.... If she really likes u she wouldnt stay with her current BF... so id say dont try to "win" her n dont wait for her either move on...if u guys were meant to b n she really likes u she will most likely break up with her bf eventually (thats if shes not using him as safety net) n if u r still single at that time just c what happens....for now just go out n meet new ppl la Oh yea... if shes smart she wont invite u because u wont be welcome anyway... i mean her fiance or whatever would be pissed (which i can imagine) N if ud go...that would just be TORTURE for u
I was in a similar situation before, only the girl's boyfriend was in another state. It ended up bad for everybody. We stopped talking forever, but then again she ended up soon after breaking up with her boyfriend (they'd been together for two years) and getting married with someone completely different. I'm happily married now too, so no regrets, but if I had to do it over I would still go after her. It's good to want to her to be happy, but your happiness is important too, and anyway, if she's gotten so close to another guy besides her boyfriend, she doesn't seem to be too happy to me. And there's no crime in telling someone how you feel. If you don't say something, you're going to be wondering what could have been. Also, staying out of it doesn't guarantee her happiness. She could still break up with her boyfriend, and most likely some other guy will swoop in and get her, so it seems to me you lose anyway unless you take the chance and tell her how you feel. Yeah, you don't want to complicate things for her, but she is responsible for her own happiness. She knew what she was doing when she got close to you, and she chose that, so why do you have to always deny yourself? Your happiness is as important as hers, and what if you tell her how you feel and everything works out between you two? You can't win if you don't play. Anyway, that's what I think. There's no clear cut answer to this one.
^ groaned for the first time .. lol .. wrong question to ask ... lol @ white .. he did tell her about his feeling but the gal chose not to move forward. it was a pretty clear move. yes, the guy can chase after her but it will futile since she doesn't respond by not speaking to him anymore. @burp .. i didn't notice but is that your pic cuz you look familiar .. lol .. anyway, i don't think she'll invite you based on the situation. if she did, i would go. you don't anything wrong per se. she was only dating someone; not like she was married. she still has options which she did choose to stay with her current bf. as a friend; once a closed friend, nothing wrong attending her wedding and giving her your blessing provided that you are perfectly well and over the whole thing.
you gotta move on, you've already decided not to be the third person, so you shouldn't go back, move on and good luck.
@MissCheekS: yea me too i don't want to be the third person, i got gentleman rules, one of them is to never steal someone's girlfriend @negiqboyz: yea its me on the picture, people says i look like Daniel Wu so yea and first of all she is a good friend (imo) so i would be happy to be able to congratulate her feelings can be forgotten with time
coming from a girl,,, and if i kno u (the guy) likes me,, and i (the girl) says that u are the right guy and stuff,, u should of took your chances and went after her,, yah it must be a bitch to break em up and be the 3rd person,, but if shes not even happy with the boyfriend.. WHY STAY? i say,, take ur chances when its the time,,, but now that she says what u two shouldnt be frds anymore,, why being all confused with everything... either 1 - DROP IT!... 2 - go after her,, and go after her while she still has U in her HEART!!
^ if shes truly unhappy with the bf she wouldnt be with him would she... i dont believe that kinda shit if ur unhappy with ur bf u dont wait for someone else to come along n break up with ur boy... thats just low, pathetic n disrespectful
Ok, first of all, if she claims that "you're her type", don't you sense some sort of irony here? She's been with her boyfriend for four years, and you guys only met few months ago. In my opinon, it may be a bit earlier for her to believe that you're her type. She isn't even sure herself, and in every friendship relationship, there's always a point of time (which is what you guys are undergoing right now) that each individual in a friendship nearing a love relationship will treat each other very and I mean VERY nice and with respect. In the past, her boyfriend probably treated her the way you are treating her now; and perhaps she just doesn't know what she wants? Therefore, her decision to not speak to you again shows that she is not even sure herself. IT sounds like she admires of even like you, but again, she chooses to keep her four years relationship. If you really feel that you like her, you can always correct your decision to leave her. It's better to have given yourself the chance to tell her your feelings, rather than ignoring it. Also, another reason that you should tell her is that it sounds like she likes you too; otherwise, I would not recommend you to confront her if their relationship was already strong. In addition, her boyfriend doesn't seem to be doing his job well. He should have never disrespected his gf's privacy. And to even hack to obtain your coversation history strongly shows that he doesn't have the SIMPLE respect for his girlfriend in their relationship.
i think it's already too late anyways and if we are meant to be together, i'll meet her again someday =)
If you want to take that approach, I think you're fooling yourself. In all honesty, you have to be true to yourself. I don't completely agree with what other people have said, namely because it's a cop-out to your problem. Be pro-active and take some initiative. I think that's what she wants. Although I don't know these people and the story I only skimmed, the b/f sounds like an alpha-male (jealous and territorial). It's a messy relationship. Don't just tell her you like her, tell her the truth. 4 years is a long time compared to your 3 months or whatever, but 3 good months is better than 4 bad years any day. If you can do better, then do better by her. To me, reading this, she's doing the same thing you are, by distancing because it's either a clean break or no break. There can't be any of this "let's be friends" business. When relationships get to that point, there's no going back. So if you're at that point and you really like her and she likes you, it's been mutually stated, as well as the other relationship is looking like it's no good, then the right thing to do is go full-steam ahead. You're only doing her and yourself a favor. If it doesn't work out in the long run, then hey at least you gave it a shot, she got out of a messy long term relationship and both of your part with the knowledge that you gave it a shot and it didn't work. I'm not trying to be sappy and spout romance TV/movie plots at you. What I am trying to tell you is that your solution to every problem you face isn't to turn your back on it and run away. Sometimes if you really want something you have to stand up and take a stance and deal with the consequences because everyone else is afraid to take a chance. And this again all boils down to you knowing yourself and having confidence in your actions. If you want to walk away, make it final. Go get laid (in all honesty) if that works. Whatever helps you move on or has helped you move on in the past. But I think this route (making a guess on your personality) isn't going to work for you because it's not your style.
You know, you're basically encouraging the guy to go and break up their 4-year relationship. Obviously, if she liked him enough (and did not like her boyfriend), she would've picked him over her boyfriend instead of breaking ties all together. The OP is telling his side of the story, of course it may seem like she likes him more than her boyfriend, but in reality, it might not be true. Even if it's true, she didn't pick him -- that's that. And it ain't as simple as "at least you gave it a shot" -- it's a damn dick move to mess with someone else's relationship business, cause a break up, and then "make" her your partner. People gotta learn not to invade others territories. Since when did "knowing yourself and having confidence in your actions" in attempting to break up and snatch someone else's partner (to put it bluntly) become the right thing to do? OP, if you respect her, you would wait until the storm is calm and she is single. Don't go invading her "relationship space" and be a dick by making a move on her when she obviously has a boyfriend. If you say she has all these issues with her boyfriend, she'll eventually break up when the time comes, but you don't want to be in the mess.
I'd agree with those points. It is a dick move, but not all things are obvious and not all people do things for the right reasons or do what they should do. We would all like to hope and wish that things would go this way or that way but betting on luck won't get you very far. But I'll agree with RSX that probably going my route will alienate her and she wont like you for doing that even in the sake of helping out. You gotta do what you feel is right in the end based on your ethics and morals. My route, probably not the gentlemen thing to do. But sometimes even gentlemen have to do bad to create good. Just don't lie to yourself that something will turn out for the better. That's not meant to be pessimistic in any way, it's just meant to say that make something of life, don't let life make something of you.
I agree with both rsx and karsun118. Remember that love is selfish! So if you feel that you love her that much, you should give it a shot; if her relationship with her bf is that fragile for some intruder to break them apart, then that means that their 4 years relationship is not strong enough to maintain. However, if their relationship withstands your attempt to disrupt the gf and bf's bond, it will eventually bring their relationship to a new level. And at least you can finally move on for a good reason.
yeh maybe one day she break up with the bf and you can talk to her again, but don't wait do your own thing. if it happens it happens.
