Yes it is awkward to most people to not see your future in-laws and being told that your siblings are going to get married in a year. However some couples chooses to keep them as a secret and does not want families involved for whatever reason it maybe. Negi's sister telling him that she is getting married in a year's time is actually giving him the respect that as a family rather than telling him at last minute like a week before she is getting married and implying that she wants a blessing like that. Like the others said, he has a year to get to know this guy to either back up his decision or change his decision because of the early judgment which he has made. As her brother it is right to be worried and to look out for your sister, older or younger. Just like I do to my little sister just exactly how you mainly describe your sister, smart but irresponsible etc. But being naive is normal, everyone has a naive moment in their lives so you can't hold that on a person. Maybe you shouldn't be so protective and "in your face" about this situation, you have told her what you thought and now you have to support her - not financially, I mean as a younger brother caring for his sister to make the wedding go well and to ask her to meet her fiance and hang out with him for a day to get to know one another then make your judgment then. If he is still a douche after you're meeting then you can keep your mind set. Like you said, she is smart so maybe she has a different sort of thinking and actions towards life after she's married.
If you are the parent, than you definitely have something to say about it. As a brother I can not say you really have any importance in the whole matter. If my daughter came home telling me she was getting married to some dude i would definitely be angry with her but i would also at the very least try to meet the guy to see if he really is worthy in my eyes as a son-in-law. He of course would have to prove to me he is capable of taking care of my daughter. But i would not deliberately break them two apart and being an ass about it, i would tell her my feelings and hope that they can change. As ralph said, let her experience her life the way she feels like it. I for one would not miss my own sister's wedding. I am there for her at the very least if not for the both of them.
wow... if she marries and move out that will actually be a good thing to your family and to her. Seems like you guys are treating her like a child, she has to learn from her mistakes because its seems shes being spoiled by you guys.
i think you should step into her shoes first .... what if she just wants to settle in? escape from the world she is living now and stay with the one she loves? i just think that you need to recount all the factors and possibilities before deciding that YOU think is right or wrong for your sister.
If ya'll tihnk I am overreacted, then you should see my wife and younger sis. In fact, my wife already placed the PI order herself. N's correct ... everyone will be happy if she's married off and on her own. My parents are thrilled about the marriage thing because they were worry about her age (32). HOWEVER, we are just as concern about this guy. Seriously, it's hard to be happy for her when we never met the guy himself. Yes, they're getting married the end of the year but the guy isn't local. I'd love to meet up and hang out a bit to get to know him but that's not possible either. I gotta work and all. You would think he should be visiting my family and such .. nothing so far. No call over the Lunar New Year too .. nothing. How can we be happy for her? If she was dating and all, then yeah .. she can get hurt and learn from it and shit .. but we're talking about marriage .. not dating game. Our family take "marriage" very seriously .. it's a lifetime commitment. It a shame that the Western culture view it as a game .. don't like it, annul or divorce. I only support such action when the situation is extreme. Anyway, lets wait and see what the PI report will say .. at the very least, there's still time to encourage her to break things off if any negative stuffs show up.
^ Agree, I mean it is marriage after all... In the near future, children are a possibilities and they too can be at risk if the marriage becomes unstable... and Yes, everyone should learn a lesson on their own, but not a lesson when it could potentially fucked up your life.. It's like telling person to jump off a cliff to see if it's going to hurt or not... IMO, too much risk is at stake but obviously the finally decision is hers but I think it's the family and friends that needs to address certain issues to let her see things in different perspective... The problem in this thread is that there are too many "what if this" and "what if that"...
im with you LOL. if it was serious your family should have known about it. what the heck are peoples definition of "serious" these days. my sisters bf is over like....everyday. so i know it is serious. that or he is homeless. " I don't care about his background" he is a bum isnt he
actually i think western marriages are about free will and love where the old traditional asian style is about having face to ones family, who to marry and having the best benefits to the family, no money no marry. If anyone in my family were to dictate who i could marry it would create an estranged relationship between me and that person. This is a 3 year relationship not a 3 month relationship and 1 year notice, chill out before you come to conclusions.. just because a person wasn't raised with your tradition doesn't make them wrong. Seeing some of the the things you write about if i were him i would probably do the same LOL or maybe its your sisters suggestions who knows...
haha yeah, thats why it is like 50% divorce rate. free will and love my ass. too much disney for you.
It's the truth and divorce is as easy as ever. Hence remarriages happen. Once there's a divorce, a lesson is learnt then when the next marriage comes it depends if the person is smart enough to avoid or learn from the old situation. This is what the free will and love does. People are now very shallow and feelings changes all the time, and the free will has given us the freedom to divorce. So maybe you should shove whoever thought up of human rights and shove it back up their arses because without them.. surely marriage and divorce is a lot more strict and conservative
HAHAHA when did marriage become the description of dating. oh yes, thank human rights for removing any significance of marriage. how is divorce easy. you have any idea how expensive it is. btw, anything with LAWYERS is not easy. please go through court for something as proof.
im trying to say you watch too much disney you say "at least you get to choose who you marry" as if you really could marry anyone you want.
oh really? well if im the idiot who knows the law enough not to say "at least you get to choose who you marry" what would you be? disney fan.
Erm... costs depends on the charge which solicitor put up on. It's mostly expensive to those who have to pay those fees to the other half through the divorce. Don't quite remember what the rule is on that since I haven't studied family law yet but something along the lines. Of course you get to choose who you want to marry if you are brave enough to go against your family's will like I have... I'm engaged to a white person and I perfectly remembered my dad saying that he wants me to go for an Asian guy. Funnily enough my dad accepted my decision as both of our thinking clashed too much and he knows I respect him in other ways and am generally a good daughter to him since I have grown up a little.
you also have to pay the lawyers? that isnt even the issue. you managed to somehow managed to use free will and have divorce as a result. in short, you turned what is supposed to be a life long commitment into nothing more than dating. where if it fails, you can learn, and do it again. if this is what you people do with free will then you should not get it. actually laws govern who you can marry. im not even talking about same sex marriages. you cant be married to more than one person or minor for example. but tell that to disney over there. lol bravery...
sigh.. im actually in the same situation =\ although it isn't as far as marriage O_O but being in negiq's shoes, i understand and agree that families should not be left in the shadows about who their kids are seeing. it's not about the freedom of getting to marry whoever you want, it's not about "oh it's my life i can do what i want". if you marry someone, they not only become part of your family, but they become part of your relative's family. there are family values involved, not simply a two-person-in-love. will this person shame the family? will this person bring dishonor? will this person understand the traditions of the family? will this person be a good partner for our kids? these are important questions that people who drop the bomb on their parents do not think about. they are immature, selfish, self-centered and ignorant. before anyone who disagrees with me and calls me an ignorant fag, and that i know nothing about love, think a bit about your own family values, and family love. edit: wtf is up with this thread high jacking? back on topic >=( help negiq out >=(
yea and im sure it would be a def no to most asian families if that persons skin colour were black even though he/she would be the best person to marry in the world for an example... thats how estranged relationships are created.
