you know, i don't see the point in this thread anymore.. it's been fully highhjacked, and the debate is about something irrelevant to op's. you have your views, i have mine. let's be civilized, let's leave it at that and let's close this thread. cool?
The problem with marriage is not just the two people, NO MATTER WHAT TRADITION YOU ARE IN!!! You live in a society with people around you, your family, your friends, your co-workers, your kids, everything... You can said, "Marriage is just between two people, I don't care what anyone else thing" - This thought is not only childish and SHORT-SIGHTED, and unless you live in a box then you're the exception... Every choice you make has its consequences, you can't just look at the things five minutes ahead... IMO, divorce is the least of the problem, there are so many other consequences after that... (ex: kids, income, family, relationship...)
I'm sorry but i think this thread is very interesting and should continue. I'm going to have to side with negiq on this one. No one wants to see someone they unconditionally love get into any sort of trouble. Some may try to argue that this is a very opinionated topic but the whole situation is basically governed by nature, the way we are wired (ie Survival instincts because feeling of survival and security > love). Think about it, families marry off kid to a richer family because the kid will have a higher chance of surviving and having a good life. This doesn't even just apply to kids, would you want your mom or dad marrying a douchebag/cheater/whore/hobo/whatever is bad? NO. What makes negiq's sister any different? None what-so-ever. The fact that he can't even judge his sisters fiancee makes it even that more sketchy. Just because they love each other, is that even enough? Can he even support her and the potential children financially and mentally? Its not going to be a happily ever after if they live in a dump with no money to pay the bills. Given his description of his sister, she doesn't seem to make alot of wise choices, and the fact that he and his family haven't even MET the guy makes the scenario even more important. Sure, you can try to argue that its HER life and HER choice, but ultimately its a FAMILY decision. EVEN DISNEY MOVIES frikin teaches this, does Aladdin or Lion King 2 ring a bell? Aladdin got approval from jasmines dad because he was could provide a stable life (because of the genie) else he would just be some lonely beggar on the street WISHING he could marry her. He only got the girl in the end because he proved himself. Same idea with Lion King 2, other cub came from bad background (ie. scars side of the family) until he proved himself worthy to Simba. So yeah back to Negiq's case. The fiancee hasn't even proved to negiq's peers and relatives that he is able to take care of her. There are many people caring about her well-being. Speaking of weddings, besides it being union of two people who unconditionally love each other, isn't marriage the passage of responsibility from ones family to the fiancee? like even traditionally speaking, the bride walks in with her DAD, who passes her off to the groom? and the dad is supposed to represent the family. Why would you pass off something you hold dear to someone you don't even know? Thats like giving away all your prized possessions or your pet to some random bum on the street to take care of for the rest of its life.
@tango1 - thx .. your disney response will help hadouken alright .. lol I am hoping things will be positive when the reports come back .. sigh
i just found out how to make those rice crispies with the marshmellow thing oh wats the report about?
what info though? like criminal record or something? what could it potentially reveal that is bad enough to end the relationship? hold on is PI private investigator... like 'cheaters'? (good show btw)
PI is just basically someone who does who finds the dirt or background of whatever you hire them to do. So in this case they probably hired the PI to check out who this guy is, personality wise, habits, if this guy is legit, any criminal records, etc. etc. to get a better sense / paint a better picture of who his sister is marrying. =P Though to me hiring a PI is kinda extreme? what were the reasons why you can never meet the fiancee? Make your sister force him to come meet your family =P
I don't know what's in the reports .. I believe they gonna gather as much info for as possible .. at least those that my wife and I have requested ... @tango1 .. i dunno why .. they're both adults and the common courtesy for a formal visit should've happened earlier .. seems to me the guy ain't much serious.
ohh lol Private investigator, that's hardcore, i feel sorry for the guy, he is probably totally innocent and he's got a PI on his back.
^ i agreed .. it's not what i wanted to do .. but the fact that the "marriage" thing jumped out like that and we have absolutely no clue about this guy, this is all we can resort to for now .. trust me .. it's not cheap and the more i think about it, it pissed me off too. this guy is a fucking ass .. i don't think that i will ever like him as a bro-in-law even if the reports come back positive. at least my family and i know my sis is fine i guess ..
IMHO, considering that it is common courtesy, most men, about to marry, wouldn't have an issue with meeting potential in laws; why this man isn't meeting with you can be from a myriad of reasons or sources. So, allow me to throw a brick into the works here, Neg; you're assuming that "the guy" is the one that is at fault for not meeting your family. Have you even thought of the possibility that he may have wanted to do so but was actually prevented, by your own sister? You've already admitted that you know little to nothing about this man. So why assume that he is the one making all the decisions in their relationship, and faulting the standoffishness as being from him? Sometimes, family members aren't introduced because a bride (or groom) may consider their own family to be overbearing, socially inept, or an embarrassment of some kind. Maybe if one steps back and looks, it may appear that a woman purposely doesn't want her lover to fall into the same stage managing trap that is her family; ie a family that has always tried to run her life and not let her live it the way she wants. So she purposely avoids having her most valuable possession (the BF) ever come in contact with what she is desperately trying to get away from (ie, La Familia)? Sorry, read too may dime novels when I was a kid. But just voicing other possibilities as we only have one person's opinion here.
I understand what you're saying and I had thought about that too .. yeah .. lets say even if my sis did do that .. I believe the guy has to insist on meeting with the family if they were to be married .. don't you think so too? If my sis wanted to keep the family away, then I don't see the point of her announcing the marriage and shit. She should just have kept everything to herself, got married and then tell us later .. know what I mean?
i agree. those childish selfish people actually manage to convince themselves their decision is like some sort of act of bravery or progressive thinking. how delusional and pathetic. what skill to twist thinking of only yourself into something that sounds so noble. ill bet you it is romeo and juliet type movies and books. manage to convince simpleminded fools by creating some sort of illusion of romanticism by "defying" others. bonnie and clyde, us against the world crap. do people even understand what marriage is? do they know what it means when the father walks his daughter down the aisle and "gives her" away at a wedding??? until you are actually married, FAMILY COMES FIRST. it is almost hilarious that some people will defy their families in marriage of all things.
This, is one thing I may have to agree on. Usually.... people announce a marriage together to each sides direct family. However, your sister decided to do it as a one-woman show? and basically not even have the guy anywhere in the vicinity is a bit odd. But, there are so many possible factors/reasons why the guy could not have gone to meet the family sooner, and if your sister was the one preventing him, what would make her stop preventing until what she felt was the most absolute last minute? All in all, your sisters are complicated. I think they are filming a TVB series through hidden cameras, lol. BTW, on a side note: I think you should make a new thread when the PI report comes in...
