Whatever the reasons were or are.. I believe the guy is partly to blamed for this. I believe any grown-up should know it .. basic values and respect. Anyway .. can't say much until the pi reports come back .. probably continue w/ the thread here. Why create a new one? I don't wanna spam here since it's basically the same topic.
Still waiting for the reports .. take some time. I didn't place an expedite service or anything .. cost so much more .. so yeah .. it should be back 4-6 weeks and if sooner, they will contact me.
Details are back .. I am not impressed w/ this guy's background .. especially his parents. Not very nice ppl .. they were arrested from fraud in the past. The sis was unemployed and ended up marrying someone 10 years older than her. The guy who's dating my sis now is still in school and apparently, my sis helping him with the tuition. I am speechless.
oh lol, there is nothing damning about him personally, and knowing how your against this i can only assume this is the worst of the information you have. You cant blame him for what his parents or sister did, he has no criminal record etc. My only issue would be the fact that he obviously aint ready to support a wife and kids, he shouldn't be thinking about getting married untill he can support them and atm it 'seems' like he may be getting supported which is not necessarily bad if he is working towards bettering himself, some people need help. imo the guy is an individual so you cant judge him by his parents or sister, just like a person overly protective of their son cant find your faults (and im sure you have many) and start railing on your sister. So what angle are you gona take on trying to stop this and how are you going to tell your sister that you had a PI on her bf? -shock imo if she doesn't know about the PI this may just cause to her want to do the opposite to whatever you say anyway.
lmfaooooooooo it would be unfortunate if that's all the information you received of the guy, cause i would demand my money back. You paid someone to follow him and determine his manners and behaviors not his background. He had no control over what his parents or sister did, but if he is in school, it can be for a number of reasons.... there just isn't enough information on this guy personally.
My 5 cents worth 2 cents. I don't have a sister nor am I am father, but from what I've read so far... I think it's great your looking out for your sister. And from actually reading your post, your not exactly forcing your way of living or your ideas on her; your just basically not supporting her decision. As you mentioned, the relationship between you and your sister will not change regardless of her marital status, which I think is very unselfish of you. I think if I was in your foot steps, I would probably do the same except I'd let her know how I feel about it and give her my full support. Having your sister announcing her marriage within the next year with a random guy she 'supposedly' dated for 2 to 3 years is also fishy to me. While I agree, it is common courtesy for the man to introduce himself to the family, as you have stated: Your sister also failed to take the initiative to introduce his fiance to the family. The fault here cannot be blamed on the fiance alone. Perhaps she's not as mature as you nor does she think the way you do, but have you asked your sister to formally introduce him to the family? Have you maybe considered the fiance was too shy, too broke, too embarrassed, too intimidated? If your sister really communicates with him, telling him about her family, from his point of view he sees a traditional family where everything must be approved, everything being more conservative then the background he's use to. Perhaps he's afraid of being judges, being disapproved off and not being able to marry the love of his life. Or he might still be working up the guts to meet you face to face. On the flip side, he can totally be shady and purposefully avoiding your family to be a gold digger to your sister; taking full advantage of her. Same can applied to him. Since he's in school, he might be busy with school work and a job? In regards to your sister paying his tuition. On one side of it, your sister can be taken advantage of as he might be a gold digger. On the other side of it, he might be trying to turn his life around with the help of your sister. It's a matter of perspective and unfortunately, you can't make the assessment of what it really is without meeting him. Since your sister is so important to you, could you not make the initiative to meet him? Or arrange for a meeting yourself? Do you not have any communication channels to him? You can also make the first step to meet him. This is a bit unfair to judge your sister's fiance based on his parents and sister. As you said yourself: Sure they (family and sister) may have an effect on him, since he grew up in that kind of environment, but he can totally turn out to be opposite from their parents. Hopefully you can find out more from this PI then this. Yes, it's an bad initial reaction, but it can be totally unrelated to the kind of person he is. Keywords here is that the sister WAS unemployed, but so are many many other people in the current state that we are in. Also there is nothing wrong with marrying some 10 years older than her. Your sister's fiance's proper manners in regards properly introducing himself to elders and family may be non-existent because of his family. What kind of ethnic / cultural background could he have came from? Your proper etiquettes may just be traditions in his eyes, and my etiquettes may just be tradition in yours. At the end, it's just unawareness. While I may not agree with the some of the ways you think, I don't believe you are trying to harm your sister or break the relationship. Your simply trying to know more and understand the other man which is understandable as a brother. Just try to stay neutral and refrain from judging until all the facts are laid down, whenever that may be. I whole heartedly understand why your angry and frustrated, but the lack of support you seem to show your sister is unacceptable. As the supportive brother that you are: No, you don't have to like the guy. Yes, you can do a background check on him. Yes, you can expect him or your sister to make a proper introduction. YES, you MUST support your sister and her wedding if she is as gullible as you say she is. My final opinion is that neither your sister nor her fiance is ready for marriage. But because it is her decision, it is up to you as her brother and your parents to support her fully in this event. She may be making a terrible choice, but as long as you do your part, you would help make the best out of the situation.
^ thx but I am still poring over the report. we all think we're mature but in reality, sometimes, we can't really see all the angles and perspective of the situation. that's why i like to vent my anger and frustration on here .. believe it or not .. "sometimes" i do get great responses that help me sees/understands things better .. yeah .. even from some who I thought were complete **** .. lol No ... there are more .. not a lot of blemishes that stood out yet. Again .. I feel better meeting this guy in person. A report is a report .. I gotta read it through and distinguish what's facts and fiction .. know what I mean? It's hard to interpret the information when you have never met the guy at all. What I stated so far are something that come w/ the records .. his parents criminal record, his sis marriage license and his financial records .. etc .. yeah .. like I said .. don't wanna jump to conclusion yet. I have expressed my concerns to my sis already so it's up to her now to decide what she wanna do. AND NO, I didn't tell her about the PI reports; only my wife and I know about it.
I agree. You just can't throw all the blame to your sister's fiance... YES it's not right to plan to marry without introduced to the family, especially your family which is quite traditional... It's also your sis' fault, since she could ask him to come to your place and introduce him... Maybe his family/background is not as "good" as yours... The way you're telling... "I don't care about his background but basis ettique such as introducing to the family"... does that say your sis doesn't have this basis ettique either? Cause in the end she is the one who hasn't taken him home........
