There's this girl that my family have known for 5 years. She's my dad's high school friends daughter. When she first arrived to England she wanted to do ballet in London but because she can't get into that school/college, so she ended up in Manchester. Because my dad is a nice guy, whoever is a guest in the house, he doesn't ask for rent or part into the bill for those who stay at our home for a long period of time. This girl comes down to stay with us every now and again, could say like a hotel. I have this impression that she treats this place like a hotel because she can get free food, water, roof over her head and she can do whatever she wants so she just goes out to London to see her friends. She had been out of the country to work in other countries however not go home to Hong Kong to see her parents that much even when her dad was ill. Earlier on in the summer, she told my dad that she needs a place to stay because she's going to a circus college/uni in London. (I live about 25minute train ride away from London) She moved in, so me and my sister literally cleared out the spare room which was fall of junk for her. But we have left some stuff in there because there was nowhere else we could put it. So one day I went out for the whole day as it was summer, I can home with junk in my room! I was like WTF! This is MY ROOM! She has no right coming into my room. I expect my family including my sister going into my room when I'm out because it's common for them to go in there to either chuck my clothes in my room or to nick my clothes (siblings activities). Some people already knows this, but I go to uni near Cardiff which is 200miles away from home, so my room is left absent for like 2 - 3 months each time. I just came back for Christmas and realised my stereo had gone missing. First place I thought was this girl's room, as I remembered that back in the day I have lent it to her before but that was when I still lived in the house as a teenager. Yes I have found it there however the audio cable that was attached and left on there has gone missing. WTF like? I know she didn't need that cable so she could have left it on my empty desk where I can see it. Now I can't fricking find it!!! One of my monitors have no sound on it so I needed that stereo and cable to get sound out of it >.< Oh I have to mention this. SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO BE IN MY ROOM! She's a very nice girl but I don't like her attitude around life and around my home. She don't do a lot, she don't clear other people's stuff at the same time like dishes. I mean you are staying in someone's house for free including food! At least you could do is to help out with some washing up that others have left because they haven't gotten round to it. She also goes on my dad's computer and she doesn't know when to get off. She knows my dad always go on the computers when he's home, she still don't get off. You have to kick her off to do so. I mean staying with us for 5 years on and off she should know the hint by now! To be honest, she don't get much funding from her parents, so I have no clue how she can even afford to rent out in London at the moment. She said she will work but she always disappoint people and end up quitting so what is the point? I bet she still ain't got one but luckily she's not here for Christmas! THANK GOD MY CHRISTMAS IS NOT RUINED!
Your father is far too nice and laid back. If shes staying until her course finishes which is about 3/4 years later then rent money should be paid, or at least do the housework, its courtesy. She needs to know manners when living in someone elses house.
Problem is though my dad is too nice because he don't likw takinng money from people at my generation and thinks the money we have can have it for use of something else. Even my mum has complained to my dad about her but nothing was done. I have hinted before but she won't change. I don't see why her things are still here when she has found a place in London. Its like my sister and I are finding it hard to find places in our bedroom to put stuff in lol. I just dont even see how she can afford to live in london in the first place
sounds like a hugeass brat. i probably wouldn't have given a shit what my dad said, and probably chucked her shit into the trash i would never condone someone who doesn't give a shit about her parents when ill, or take other people's kindness for granted. i would honestly sit your family down and have a serious chat. clearly voice your opinion to your folks (your dad rather), and explain to them the issue, and that he has to step up to speak to her. there is a limit when someone takes advantage of someone's kindness, so you really need to sit him down, and convince him to talk to this girl. she isn't family, she has no right in someone's home like that. if my friend's kid did that shit to me, i'd probably tell him straight up. intolerable.
She sounds selfish, and to be honest if I were in your position I'd confront her about everything. Have you told her to not do the things she's doing? (such as going into your room without your permission etc.) if not you should definitely do so. It's clear that she lacks common courtesy. If confronting her about all her issues doesn't work then definitely have a serious chat with your family. It's your house too, it should be a place you're comfortable in. But perhaps she's too focused on herself and not focusing on how she could be an inconvenience to other people. There's also the view that she got too comfortable in your house and treats it as if it's her own home since it has been so long. Or maybe she's just dumb. When I lived in my aunts house in Taiwan I was treated as if I was another one of her daughters - we all got fair share in chores and everything. Maybe you should explain the fact that your house isn't a hotel and since she has practically lived with you for so long, she should be considered as somewhat part of the family so she should take her own responsibilities and shit just like everyone else or something, if you get my concept. lol
Face can be a burdensome thing; it is literally a Chinese curse that modern overseas ABCs CBCs or BBCs don't really appreciate. The father is definitely not going to speak to the girl; that would be considered not giving good face to his friend. The best thing that BBGirlsum can do at this point is to put a lock on her door, with her's being the only key. BBGirlsum also needs to realize that out of respect for her father, she has to keep quiet so that he can continue to give good face to his friend. And yes, situations like this can be very annoying... I hope for BBGirlsum's sake, that the lovely house guest will end her stay and depart for home soon.
I guess the family especially the father is too courteous to say it ito the girl. As she's the dad's friend's daughter, she is a 'niece'. It certainly does damage the good friendship between the two high school buddies. Generally people from the older generation won't calculate bits and bobs with youngsters of a known person because they see it as 'not nice' and stinginess. The family's face and name are also important. If you want to get rid of her things. Contact her family, try phoning them and give them a update of the girl and shes forgotten some imporatant luggages in your house. If they are clothes mention the weather is very cold and she need to wear more clothes, if they are books, say you dont know if they are important for her studies (elderly style of talking) Obviously you say it nicely and in a clueless manner, you let one of your parents do the talking, perhaps your mum since your dad is not on your side. Her family would get in touch with her as they have no clue too. This is a reminder to pick up her stuff (warning message). If she does not pick up the belongings in half a year time, I suggest you to put them in the garage for punishment. When she comes back for them you say you didnt know shes needed them or not. You don't know this and you don't know that.
Yes, this face issue is certainly burdensome, even in vietnamese families who have strong beliefs in this curse. Nevertheless, it is not (should not) be a cause for someone to just invade as this girl has done. If face is such a worrisome issue, his friend would have lost face by the way his daughter has shamefully represented him. And if this is the case, I see no reason why he should not face the girl's father in regards to this matter. If the father has no control over the daughter, then the house owner has every right to directly face the daughter, without having to lose face to anyone. It is the friend who has shamed (or rather, the daughter who shamed him), thus it is the owner's right to speak up. As a member of a "traditional" family myself, my family members (and other families i've observed) have no issue facing the culprit straight up, even if a close family member..
Your father ain't gonna ask her to move out or stop coming over due to these "trivial" matters .. the girl might be annoying but she's not doing anything bad - stealing, bringing guy over, sell drugs, etc .. in your home. My advice to you (based on past exp) is: 1. Call her out and talk to her face-to-face about the issues (gotta be VERY serious) and set ground rules (in courteous manner). Sometimes, ppl like her (failure in everything) can do annoying things to get attention (just like kids). For example, I'd appreciate if you don't go into my room when I am not around or touching my belongings without my permission. It's my private space and hope you'd respect that. Then ask her about her plans - career or future plans and then interject with something like .. if you're gonna be around for a while, then you should at least pick up after yourself and help around the house. 2. If (1) doesn't work, then I'd call her parents and tell them the situation. Keep in mind, never mention "your dad" in the conversation. Do it as if you're a little gal complaining to an adult .. something like I can't stand her anymore .. blah, blah, blah. That way, they would feel bad and call (1) their daughter to change or (2) your parents to stop or send money over to pay for expenses. 3. If (1&2) don't work, then I'd pack up her stuffs and throw them out. make a scene in front of your parents. Make her embarrassed a bit for causing all these probs ... put her and your dad at a spot to ACT .. She's not going home, not cuz she doesn't care ... she's not successful in everything thus far and afraid to go back .. know what I mean?
I have to agree that Ralph is well spot on, you have to analyse the situation carefully. Confronting that girl face to face or throwing her things out without the father's permission would result in BBgirlsum being yelled at by her father and even mother. The case can turn out to be quite serious if the rubbish collectors did take her stuff away. -bowroflarms It would be gone forever and how are they going to explain to the other side? Also calling her father suddenly and asking for money sounds very disgusting, something that a chinese family with such pride and dignity would never do. Considering that BBgirlsum's family did not even complain regarding the minior issues such as house choirs, lost of stereo and entering rooms without permission, there would be 0% of the BB's family demanding money from that girl's father and esp. when shes left and only using their house as a storage. As previously agreed, BB's father is willing to lend room out until that girl's course finishes which is in a good few years times, this no-money-required rent agreement is pretty fixed.
I didn't tell her to call the parents for "MONEY" .. I dunno what the girl's parent would do .. might call their daughter home, talk to her about it, call BBg's father to stop or wire money over for her expense .. know what I mean? Throwing her stuffs out and making a scene .. not actually doing it .. pushing the limit is my point .. BBg can pack everything up and leave at the door for her .. not literally throw her stuff out on the street .. duh AGAIN .. talk it out with her FIRST. You never know .. she might become your next BEST friend .. lol .. give it a chance. Like I said .. she's a failure, afraid to go back, and have no "trusted" one to talk about her inner feeling .. annoying to get attention .. so yeah .. open up and talk about it....
I woyld put a lock but knowing my mum she wull come into the room every now and again to clean out the dusts and stuff. Also i sometimes allow some of my dad's guest stay in my room if i'm not around at the time. Usually the adult guests/friends haven't done anything to my room as they are always too busy to sort stuff out hemselves in the outside. It is the whole "face" issue. Tbh the whole telling her parents thing don't work as a year ago she has came down to England when her daugher wasn't living at ours yet, and she was the one that told us about her not going back to see father and stuff. She and my dad were best friends in high school. Like I said I have already hinted at my dad. Its his house he can do whatever he wants but I have told him that she won't even last ling in this course that she is doing. And soon she will just pack her things and fuck off back to Italy to domore circus act there. At least shes not here for Christmas! Nothing i can ask for more! If she was here I would have caused a scene last night aand i would have been made the bad person neways
Uh-oh... I think I may be beginning to understand more of what the problem is. The WOMAN and your dad were best friends, eh? Were they like, you know... hooked up? I had originally thought this was your dad and a male high school buddy. But if this woman is indeed your dad's ex (whether spoken of or not); that complicates things because the degree of loyalty that your dad would feel for her may liken the ex's daughter to be the equivalent of your sister (in your Dad's eyes). In other words, your dad may really think of her too, as a daughter that he may have had with the ex. If you don't mind me asking, how old is your dad, and from where in China was he originally? If dad was from a small village and so was the woman; then for all intents and purposes you're so royally f.ucked; say hello to your long lost sister who has every right to share your room. That may not be right, but that's how older Chinese people think.
Judging by the old pictures that my dad has. She would not have been his type coz my dad was a shallow git lol and the friend is butt ugly. And my mum knows all of my dad exs and my dad tells the truth about everything to my mother so my mum would have been funny about letting them into our lives if they were exs lol
I didn't think that far like you did since I am not Chinese per se; but the friendship thing caught my eyes too. It now sounds a bit more fishy than just an old classmate's daughter thing. Yeah .. Ralph might be right .. BBg .. she just might be the long lost sister you coming back to get her share of fatherly love and $$$$ .. lol .. Seriously, I don't know why else your dad would put up with the brat for so long.
Well, hypothetically, if ralph's scenario is true, then that might be the reason why he would not speak to either individuals. But in the case that it ISN'T true, and even if it is true, that does not mean he should not speak to either individuals, if it's causing a ruckus in his household. Unless this kid is somehow your half-sister (which I'm hoping is not true lol), your father's priority should be with your family first, and if this brat damages the integrity of your family, he NEEDS to kick her out. My aunt had several of her direct nieces and nephews from France stay over for long periods of time, however they were pretty much doing what that girl was doing, and so she kicked them out of the house, despite being direct family. The point is, regardless if your father wants or doesn't want to speak with the girl or the mom, it's something he NEEDS to do, if this is interfering with my family. If it were me, I know for a fact I would kick my best-friend's kid out of my house without thinking twice (after notifying my friend of course), if this kid is interfering with my family. Family comes first.
True, it's all a matter of where one decides to put one's loyalties. Sometimes, these familial political undercurrents can be maddeningly depressing. Either way, someone is going to eventually wind up feeling slighted. Of course, most would feel that the father should side with his daughter over the needs of a guest. What he ultimately chooses to do could impact on how his family sees him from this point on. The above scenario as I had mention, remains purely speculative at this point; I just brought it up simply as a possible rationale behind why the father seems reluctant to set a line in the sand. On another note, I find this line also rather intriguing: "...She would not have been his type coz my dad was a shallow git lol and the friend is butt ugly." Given that the father was (in her words), an apparently morally challenged individual, ie. a shallow git; I would wonder if such an individual would ever refuse sexual encounters with any woman, even if she were to be less than stellar in appearance; or as BBGS put it, butt ugly. Somehow, I would tend to assume that such a character trait as described, sounds rather like a man that would be amenable to literally f.ucking anything, including an ugly female friend. But hey, that again, is more speculative supposition on my part; BBGS probably hates me now as I just ruined her life, LOL...
