My fiance cheated on me last night. She was out with her colleagues and I was at home. I called her and she lied that she was going to her home (originally she was gonna come over that night afterwards). I found out the lie and re-questioned her then she lied that she was instead gonna crash at a friend'a (girl) place. She came home at 4am and acted as if nothing was wrong and was getting angry at me for ignoring her and giving her the cold shoulder. This morning I questioned her again and told her she is obviously lying and to just tell me the truth. The story she made up made no sense, there were too many holes. She insisted on lying and covered up her lie with more lies. Finally after a lot of arguing she confessed. She went home with some guy last night and was in bed with him. I am so furious. We were getting along so well. We basically moved in together, getting married next year (all booked and deposit paid), going on holiday to Korea in 3 weeks, have a dog together and I loved her, she was the one in my opinion. But after she cheated and lied to me, I cannot forgive her so. Finally I decided to say its over and told her to leave. After sulking in bed for a few hours I decided to come on here and express my sadness....I am so confused. She said she was sorry and she loved me and she would not do it again...blah blah blah...but I don't know. I already planned to spend the rest of my life with her. I already spent thousands on the wedding and already paid for the forthcoming holiday. We been together for over a year (about 1 year and 3 months) and I thought we were happy...how wrong was I!!! I really don't know what to do, I feel as though my life just crashed into the wall, I have no idea what to do next. How will I tell all my friends who I introduced her to and have become good friends with, how do I tell my family who have started to plan for the wedding and already accepted her as a new member of our family, how do I go on living knowing that I may never find someone who understands me as much as she did....WHY WHY....SHIT I am crying again after writing this post....I am so disappointed and sad
Sorry to hear about that. If she really loves you would she do that? Marriage is a commitment that joins two persons into one. If there is no commitment then this marriage will not work and will end up in a divorce. So far all the lies and cover up tells you how dishonest she is. Now its up to you if you want to reconcile with her, but I think you really should sit down with her and talk about it. Tell her how you feel, ask her why she did that to you as you have sacrifice so much for her already. So that is the next step I would take, as for friends and family just tell them the truth, you have to be honest with them in order for them to help you. Make sure you guys handle things in a proper manner, with NO VIOLENCE! Its not the end of the world. If things don't work out then you have to move on.
once a cheater always a cheater! she cheated on you once she will do it again. do not think of what you've done already to make the decision to leave her for good. those are sunk costs.
I think you need a guys night out and just talk about this with your close friends to get things out of your chest. Do some activities or hit the gym to release some anger. I believe you did that right thing as you should not tolerate what she has done to you. It is impossible to believe she was raped or did not know what she was doing as she probably had the intent to engage in sexual activities with another man while being engaged. You can either tell your family and friends the truth so they will support you or protect her and just tell everyone that she is not the one for you. It must be hard for you now but at least you know you can find someone better and that assuming you are still young, you have plenty of time. And the money you spent so far on the wedding is nothing compared to what she can get from you if you get a divorce. Like the chinese saying "short-term pain is better than long-term pain"
Sorry to hear that. You did the right thing... If I were you, I would do the same, I would dump her without second thought and move on. Consider yourself lucky since you guys are not officially married + kids. I've been cheated before and these days when I look for a partner, loyalty is my no.1 priority. Any hint of dishonesty and I'll drop her like a hot potato regardless of how long I've been together with her... It's something I cannot tolerate in my life no matter what. But then, how do you tell if a woman is going to be loyal to you forever or not? Some of the traits that I consider 'red flags' - immature, dishonesty, emotional problems, bad attitude, bad/short temper, impulsive, materialistic, overly flirtatious ... Sorry I digress Anyway... I know it's hard man I've been through it.. I wish you all the best! Stay strong!
Very sorry for such thing happened to you, especially when Christmas is nearby. However, you need to talk it out with your trusted friends and family for advise. The internet is not really your solution to find answers to your personal problems. As an outsider, most people would agreed that money is not the most important. You can always find money after you lost them through your hard work. Your love one stay with you for the rest of your life. I always believed in giving out a second chance. BUT if you no longer can trust a person, then no point to try to make it work. You will end up in a divorce in a few years. Going through that would be much more painful (emotionally, physically, and financially). So pull yourself together and have a serious think through before you and her have a chat face to face. Good luck!
Is this Demi moore and Ashton?...my bad But yeah if shes unfaithful, then it's something that will always be there when you are married. Now, one thing you have to keep in mind is, the way you said you kept questioning her, I'm sure she would get the intention that you just want to hear what you wanted to hear. The fact that you didn't trust her to begin with, and kept asking her for answers, she could say what she did to get you satisfied. Which obv isnt good either. But the whole 4am thing...idk how to explain that lol.....\\ Hope it all goes well.....
Im gona cut the crap and be honest, from what you have said, she is a slag. I advise you don't marry her because she will cheat on you again and sulk when you find out. You're lucky she cheated on you now while you can walk away rather than waiting till you was married making things much more complicated. From the sounds of it, she is attractive, so i don't think its your brain that's doing the thinking at the moment. If you wana take a gamble with her and you're sure she wont cheat on you in a few years time or when you have your first disagreement then good luck!
Thanks for the responses guys... I ended things permanently now. I did sat down and talk to her as advised and when she explained her sorrow, I did not feel she had any regret. I also later found out it was not the first time. I scanned through her emails when she was out (I know her password but I never checked before because I stupidly trusted her). I realized that I was such a fool and she been lying to me for a month. I cannot accept that she would go see this guy then come home to me and pretend as if nothing is wrong. I guess this kinda helped me make the decision too. I called up her mum and asked her to come take her stuff and give me back my things. She was very willing and also very apologetic. Her mum also feels like she also wronged me and she was crying too and was sad but I told her I can never trust her again and therefore there is no point in even trying, its done, and I rather forget and move on. I got all my things back including the engagement ring which was good. Also I told my friends and family and they were all very supportive.
this sounds so much like a person that i know.. except he found out post marriage and it wasn't pretty.... the silver lining is that you got out early.. good luck to you
i know u love her n all that but what a fcking biatch... she cheated on u, lied to u about it, when u asked her abt it she lied again and got mad cuz u gave her the cold shoulder.... i really hate these kinda cowards.... i hope she´ll regret what she did to u n that she´ll be miserable for a long time... she definitely deserves it u guys arent even married yet n only together for about one year n she's already cheating on u... u know what, u should be happy she cheated on u... better now than later.... its good to hear u ended things with her... hopefully its a decision n u will stand by n that u´ll be able to stay strong! dont worry about what people will think about it.... she's the one who did u wrong.... she should be ashamed of herself!! u guys were engaged which means u were gonna take vows n say that u were gonna love each other forever!!! god, i hate cheaters!
if you can't work it out, then split up. there is probably a fault in your relationship hence the cheating.
try working it out... if talking doesn't work out move on... its no point in sulking because sulking will not benefit your situation. Best thing you can do is take some time off away from her, and think about it at night see if you can accept the fact that she betrayed you once. IF you can accept that fact... try working it out.. if you can't well then just take all that deposit and time spent on her as a lesson learned or a business gone wrong and go back on hunting again.
You must have not been cheated before otherwise you wouldn't have suggested that. I honestly believe that someone who lies and cheat especially to his/her partner is someone without "integrity" in life. And this is within one's "personality". It's hard to change. So you forgive her this time, and let's say you 'pretend' you can get over the fact that she slept with another fucker behind your back... Then, what if she cheats on you again? Can you guarantee that it's not going to happen in the future? How? Why take the risk? Why be a dumbass? It's just something you can't tolerate especially if you're a man. What? Is she the only pussy on the planet? Hell no. If you really want her to learn a real lesson in life and grow up, then you got to let her go. That's the only right thing to do.
glad you got it figured out. the fact that its been awhile then yeah fuck her. good 4 u for making the right decision b4 things got too deep (as in post engagement)
I think I agree with this person. She will hopefully realise what she's lost and will regret it eventually and you'll hopefully move on and find something better. You say she was '"the one", well if it is meant to be then somewhere down the line you'll maybe both be in the right place and pick it up again. But doesn't look like that will be the case.
