Well, been feeling down and tired of putting on a front around all my friends... always acting like nothing is bothering me. So I have decided to take it to the internet. Been really feeling miserable for about a month since i havent had much contact with someone i truly love... she has not replied to my text messages or ever called me back since january... i seriously doubt its cheating, she said she wasnt going to date for 2 years (1 year left) and she told me in december that she had fallen for me... since I havent had contact with her, i have had nothing to really feel happy about long enough. only the thoughts of her make me happy, but even those can only do so much. Still have a christmas and valentines gift that i wish to give her but she never answers me... I also feel as tho i have let down everyone around me... i blame my parents divorce on myself. About 3 weeks ago I questioned my mom and it angered her so she turned around and punched me a few times in the face. Then last year before my grandfather passed, he asked me how i was doing in school... and well i told him i was doing fine (a lie, i had B's and C's, he knew i was lying and i saw some dissapointment in his face). The next day he died... then from there my grades dropped more... I also had a fight with my best friend, he has forgiven me but i have not been able to forgive myself... Lately ive been so on edge all I want to do is fight and I seem to be very hurtful in what i say. I have even been very cold towards my childhood friends when they just mess with me. I try to think positive, but now its just too much... ive been holding in everything for too long. I feel like my world is falling apart and mind is slipping. I dont want anyones pity, cause ive lived long enough without it... I dont care if anyone really reads this, i just wanted to let out some of the things that have been tearing me apart for so long. And dont act like im stupid, im NOT committing suicide or doing drugs! If someone really wants to know more details about anything, I wont mind saying them...
lol I glad you can maintain some kinda sense of humor thru all of that.. so would you say it started cuz that one girl didn't keep in contact with you for awhile?? Looks like it's all jus bad luck.. I mean life ain't all peanut butter n jelly sandwich (sorry can't think of something creative.. -lol). but I mean sometimes, you jus have look passed all the negative stuff and know that tomorrow is another day. And with your friends n all.. if they're that close to you, then you should really let 'em know whats goin' on. It's always better to have people to talk about stuff with rather than keeping everything inside. Just know that things will get better and if you're lookin' for a girl.. there's plenty of shawtys out there.. (I had the urge to say shawty all of a sudden...-lol)
OMFG. If sucide is not in you mind, why u mention it? The way to look at it is to see that it can only get better
hi aznstreetlegend. this really sounds like something serious and u should really talk to someone about it. it's not good to just ignore it. trust me i know. if u don't deal with the issues and ignoring them, it'll start to snowball together. as for ur relationship, i know once one is in love and there are problems, life jsut seems to suck. but u gotta try to be positive about even the worse. if she says she needs time then take it as time for urself. find u outside of jsut ur relationship with her. everyone needs something outside of just love relationships. also, take it as a good thing-->she says she has fallen for u but just needs to time to deal with her own issues first. wouldn't u rather be with someone who is with u when they are fully willing to be committed? DO NOT BLAME URSELF FOR UR PARENT'S DIVORCE!!! that is an issue between ur parents. ur mom coulda probably gone about expressing her feelings about it better but i'm taking ur asian and asian moms seem to use violence as the best expression. based on her actions, u have to know that it's not ur fault. sometimes, stuff just doesn't work out. u gotta be sad about it for awhile but then move on. for some ppl, being apart might work better than being together u know? sorry about ur grandfather. that is also NOT UR FAULT! when it's time to go, it's time to go. can't fight that. u really gotta stop blaming urself. it's not good for ur health either. i dont' think ur stupid at all and i'm glad at least that ur finding a way to deal with ur problems (PA forum) but honestly, have u thought about counselling? or even just to a good friend seems to work for me. it's good to just get some stuff off ur chest sometimes u know? even if there are no actual solution, talking about it helps.
I C, I C. When depressed, do something constructive and don;t lose focus and get good at it. Like focus on school, weight training, sports.
mate ur obviously very distressed` i suggest u open up to ur friends cos they are most likely to try to help ya``everything's gone all wrong and its just bad timing` not ur fault..especially the divorce and da chick`` ur gettin quick tempered cos of da things happenin and its had an impact on ya..if u let ur friends support ya, they'll understand and ya'll feel more mentalli healthier`` love` mon
Well, thanks for everyones replies... i wish i could open up to my friends but they are kinda cold hearted when it comes to problems... my best friend says "Man i cant help you anymore, you need to help yourself." I hate bothering my friend, he has to deal with so many peoples problems... My other friends well they talk so much behind everyones back, it makes me sick (you break down, the whole asian crew spreads the news and then your the target for all the jokes...cant even call them true friends. Some arent like that, instead they are not understanding and try to front as hardcore ganstas) ... so now just stuck in the middle of whirl of confusion. And yah, i kno its awkward i take my problems here... but i have few options left. I refuse to get counseling, sorry but i just cant do it. I tried today to keep myself busy and i was having fun today... but then all of a sudden it all hit me again and i almost fell apart in my english class -.-. Then i checked my myspace today and well i checked out the girl's myspace and saw her new friend had posted a comment "yeah looks like "somebody" is still trying to get wit u.....;/ lol." ... sooo now im like ?! She been saying how she wanted to be with me and that she truly loved me... im trying to ignore her friend's comment, but seeing that kinda is bugging me, i texted her today... and of course, no reply again -.-. ... I know people are saying forget her or what not, but i just cant my mind is set on that and its not changing, lee-lee i agree with you on the time thing... i plan to wait a year and see what happens. Im trying to stop blaming myself Heh Ecko, nice word choice "peanut butter and jelly". But nah not lookin for/at other shawtys. Ohh and nah it didnt start with her it actually started with the death of my uncle 5 years ago, then my grandmother, another uncle, my cousin, then my grandfather... during the time of the first three i really hit rock bottom, ended up gaining about 85 pounds in 2 years. After the death of the second uncle was determined to make things right so that summer lost 60 pounds then 20 pounds after my grandfather. Ohh yahh and to add onto it all my mom would beat me for small things, that didnt end until my parents divorced. And then another addition to my list of misery, was dumped the day before valentines(of 2006)... still gave a gift to my ex and she didnt even thank me, until she called me up that night i gave her the gift to tell me she cant do this =/ Oh and adrianc, i only mentioned about not commiting suicide so other's wont be like "OMFG dont do something stupid to yourself" kinda irritating when they make you seem kinda dumb -.- (luckily havent had someone do that yet xP)... if i would do something like that i wouldve done a looong time ago. But i still havent completed all my goals/dreams so im still here. So overall i am very thankful for the support and advice... but today didnt seem to be much of an improvement, thought it was all good after i read these posts then... one thing led to another then another... oh and today i was training outside and all of a sudden felt down again and then it started raining so today= ehhh -.-. Tried to be positive about everything, but the more the day passed the more negative i became again. *sigh*
That Girl that dumped you the day before Valentines wasn't this girl your talking about, right? Well if shes not texting you back then try to contact a friend of yours thats also her friend and see what they know about her. Hey, maybe she lost her and couldn't message you back since she lost your number. Like that ^^They said^^ Try to keep yourself busy with sometime that your really interested in. Just try to wait it out. Dont blame yourself for everything. Its gotta get better from here on.
I say.. forget the girl all together... you goin' thru some shit, n she's not even giving you the time of day.. you jus have to stop thinkin' about that shit all the time... Life goes on.. when it's their time.. it's their time..
Thanks again everyone, im combining everyones' advice and going to try and see how I can deal with myself... today I hit another pothole in my road of life, but it wasnt all too bad. After I downed a pint of ice cream, i ended up playin pool with an old friend and we talked about the funny past events we have been through. But I decided to erase my memories of my ex, try to find forgiveness on myself and try to stop blaming myself, honor my families death instead of just putting myself deeper in the hole I have already started, but I dont plan to give up on the girl that Im waiting for (decided that time is something that will tell all eventually). So tonight I plan to reevaluate all my standings and problems and use them for strength. And to keep myself busy I plan to devote all my time that im not with friends or loved ones to train myself for martial arts and DDR xP.
well i hope things get better they cant get any worse can it ( touch wood). u know talking to someone about it face to face really does help. once my dad died and i got dumped the same day and my teacher lost some coursework of mine and blamed me for not handing it in omg i spent what a whole year on it couse im gonna hand it in. woot got me nah. anyways i talked about it to he librarian at my skool and that really did help
