Hey Guys, I wanted to get some opinions here. My girlfriend told me she feels that I don't like her enough, and we had a big argument about this. I like my girlfriend a lot and I personally don't see that I'm doing anything wrong here, that's why I'm so confused. We both live together, so that might be a problem. I told her it's just simply because I don't have much time to do anything romantic or much time to spend with her because of my work hours. Here the situation. I work 10-6 on weekdays, and occasionally work a 10-7 shift every other weekend. On a typical week in the evening after work, Monday and Fridays, I hang out with my friends, I offer to bring her, but she doesn't know them too well, so most of the time she doesnt come. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have side job fixing computer for clients, so that takes away my evenings. Wednesdays, I spend time 1 on 1 time with her. Saturday and Sundays, she has work so maybe every other week, I actually go to her restaurant and eat there myself just to see her, and on my spare time I'll get the car fixed, work on my car, run my errands or do groceries. SOMETIMES, the days can shift, its not always the same days everyweek, but its the same types of events that occure. Work hours never change. then Every late night, after I do my personal things, I'll stay up with her till 3 or 4 am to spend some more time with her, and the next day I wake up at about 830am to go to work. That's my cycle everyweek She says I'm not trying hard enough, but I already pretty burned on my current schedule. I explained all this to her, but she says bluntly I dont have to take your explanation. I told her there not much options i can change. Perhaps you can give me some ideas? And she says to me, I dont need you to fit me in your busy schedule. I do admit, I'm not doing anything romantic, such as surprises, flowers, cooking for her, but I do take her out to movies, or I offer that we rent a movie or something and eat in, take her to dinner sometimes but juding for my situation, isn't it justified? :\
well,maybe she's a little jealous you hang out with yours friends 2 days in a week...Between,when you say, you take her to movies,etc...,how much exactly do take her out,1 in 2 weeks?
Take her out (someplace nice and for the love of god don't take her to the place where she works) on Friday rather than hanging out with your friends.
In this situation, I think that you should spend less time with your friends and spend more on your girlfriend because you have a tight schedule and you cannot do anything about it but to allocate your free time, using your free time more on your girlfriend if that is what she wants you to do. In addition, try do some things that can surprise her or romantic stuffs that let her know that you are important to her....If she still isn't satisfied, then the problem might not be on your side, but rather, on her side....In this case, you two should sit down together and talk to each other...Communication is important in a relationship...
seems like you're trying all that you can and adjusting your schedule for her.... but then what is SHE doing for you?..its takes 2 to make a relationship work not 1
the key point is I live with her already .. so we may not go out as much, but we spend a lot of time together. So do you guys still think ditch the friends and another thing is its not the same set of friends everytime, thats why I gota do the two days
I am not sure if you have read my other threads but relationship requires a lot of WORK and sacrifices. Things will get even tougher once you're out of the school setting and stepping into the working world which is where you are now since time is limited. You mentioned about your girlfriend and friends but I didn't see anything about "family". Work is important but you gonna have to balance it out so that you have time to spend with everyone. Your girlfriend is right about you being busy all the time. You "don't" fit your girlfriend into your schedule. That's like making an appointment at work sorta speak/mentality and doesn't feel good. She's not your wife even though ya'll are living together. You make it sounds like ya'll have been married for years. Bottom line, everything appears to be about "you" and nothing "hers" is really in your mind; at least it feels that way just based on your post above. Friends come and go in life so if you sees a future with your current gf, best to drop the friends gathering and spend the time with her.
i think i agree with kdotc on this .. your gf needs to understand that you are really busy and you do try to spend time with her, even if it's not a lot and if she really wants to spend time with you, then she should try harder too. she can go out with you and your friends instead of not going just because she doesn't know them that well i mean, she's going to spend time with you, so the fact that you two would be together should be enough reason for her to go and if she's refusing to listen to your explanation, then she's just blaming everything on you, refusing to communicate, and making the problem worse
The thing is...you already live with your girlfriend. You see her everyday, stay up with her, go to her work just to see her, spend time with her whenever you don't have work (except for the 2 days with your friends). She needs to be more compassionate and understanding as you have your own personal life too. You have friends, need a job to provide, and you already live with her! I don't believe that you need to do romantic things or dates every week or every two weeks, because that would just end up not being special on special occasions. I guess your dating the type who demands 100% attention and requires your love to be expressed every second. Perhaps you should have a calm, quiet discussion with her regarding this. But if it ever ends up to be an argument, there might be other solutions. Since she does not know your friends, and does not want to initiate to know them; you should get them to come over whenever you and your girlfriend are both at home, and get them to know her and get a long with her. If everything goes fine from there, she can tag along whenever you hang out with your friends. If that does not work, I guess you should see one group of your friends in one day of the week, and the next group in the second week. But I assure you that you will probably go crazy, because you will find that you don't have enough free time with your friends and yourself. You do give enough in this relationship and that's all you can give; unfortunately, she feels that it is not enough. I hope this can be solved before you guys marry one day, or else you would need to deal with this everyday of your life!
I expect the reason you are working heaps is because you want a future with your girlfriend. You guys already live together after all, you stay up till 3am/4am just for her, then have to wake up at 8 30am just for work, what the fuck? If she doesn't understand that, that's pretty selfish of her. If you really want to change something, it would be to spend less time with your friends. But I don't think you should really do that. To negiqboyz, who said that friends come and go, you got it the wrong way around...girlfriends/boyfriends come and go, friends don't. If the girl doesn't understand you, she isn't the right one. By all means, talk to your girlfriend again, and try to get her to understand. Maybe take one day from your friends to spend time with her.
living together it's hard... coz u think u live with this person n u see him/her all the time... n soon u stop bothering doing anything romantic or special... sometimes it's not so much abt the quantitiy of time u spend with her it's the quality... u can c her gf once a week n have a really good quality of time n make her really happy or spend 3 days sitting in front of a tv with her like a vegetable n she would still feel u don't spend time with her... the romantic stuff is exactly wot's missing... if u guys r not doing the things she likes no matter how much time u give her she still wouldn't b pleased... instead of just eating at her restaurant n watch her running around serving other ppl maybe pick her up one night n bring a small gift... instead of renting a dvd movie n stare at the screen all night try pulling out your old photo album n look through it with her n reminisce... men r visual where as women r audible... that's y the love talking... sometimes they just something as simple as a big hug and a quality converstation with their partner...
don't hang out with your friends on mondays and fridays geez she's way more important to you than your friends
i think thats a problem: the development of a recurrent schedule. you only spend wednesdays one on one with her. what about the other days where your spending time with your guy friends? you don't want your relationship to become a habit. reassure her with sweet things aka surprises or a i love you or something. plan a getaway vacation to rekindle some flames!
living with her is a big step already... if she has separation issues she really does have to work on that.. because to put it bluntly... if she wants to be with you, she has to accept what you need as well, meaning if need to make a living by working these hours its not your fault you are only looking after yourself, ultimately... from what i learned... girlfriends come and go but what you do for yourself stays with you till the end...
I have been summon....in here?!?! Honestly girls can never be satisfied Chris Rock explains it all man headbang2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6OaRcsfnY4
