wow, first of all I never would have thought I would come here to ask for help/advice, but I am seriously in need of it. I am clueless as to what to think or to do with my new girlfriend. She's beautiful, smart, great and everything. But there is just something that is haunting me, that being her past. Yes I know it is a silly thing to worry about, as everyone thinks "the past should not affect a relationship", but in reality it does. She has had many boyfriends before me, this is not the problem itself as I have had a few gf's myself. The main problem is what happened between her and her boyfriends. She's been cheated on, abused, forced to take drugs, drink and such as I have been told by her friends....here's the big one...she's been pregnant before and was forced to abort the baby. (she's only 17; I am 19) And now one of her ex's are trying to connect with her again, and she might actually be friends with him again. This is SEVERELY making me question her commitement to me. As you can see, she has been in some crap ass relationships, and becuase of this she has been severely scared, she is very insecure of me becasue I treat her like a queen, and am willing to do everything for her. Everytime I do something nice for her she would ask "why do you treat me so nice?" and such. She won't believe that I just want to be with her, and thinks I'm going to cheat and just use her and crap. Because of this thinking, she rarely trusts me and we aruged a couple times about it. So basically I am just really questioning myself as to whether or not I should continuing this relationship. Can anyone offer me some advice?
just tell her and say "Do I look like I'm acting all nice to get something out of it?" If she say Yes.. then u say then we're through, becuz there's no point
I don't understand why you're questioning her commitment to you. She's the one who's been cheated on, abused, etc. From the information you've provided, it doesn't sound like she's had any commitment issues before. If anything, it sounds like she is overly committed to a person, hence the trauma that she's had to live through. I've been through some rough relationships myself; I've gone through everything (minus one…maybe two things) that your girlfriend's been through. I'm almost at the point where I'm jaded, and I don't believe in love anymore. I try to downplay the psychological effects of my past relationships, but in reality, it's taken a much bigger toll on me than anybody can imagine. Speaking as a person who's been cheated on and betrayed multiple times, it takes a lot of time and effort for me to trust somebody whole-heartedly. I'm constantly reminded by my memories of what happened when I trusted somebody, and I always wish that I could have amnesia or something so that I could forget it all. I know it's unfair for you because you've never cheated on her, but for her to trust somebody again, it's going to take a lot of effort on your part as well as on her part. She needs to step out of the shadow of her past, and you need to be understanding and supportive, if you want it to work out. As for her connecting with one of her exs, it's not a big deal. I still talk to the scumbag exs here & there, although I'm not usually the one who initiates the contact. I don't feel anything for my exs, and they are just a part of my past. When I talk to them, I have no intention of ever getting back with them, because I know how much they've hurt me. Your girlfriend shouldn't be punished for her past; she's been punished enough having to live through everything that she's been through. Just treat her like your girlfriend, and if you're patient, you will see the fruits of your effort. I always tell guys that I date that trust is not earned overnight. And yes, because I have a rather complicated past, the guys that I date in the future would have to work extra hard. But it's entirely up to them if they want to work through it with me. Whether or not you want to work through it is entirely up to you, and you have to consider how strong your feelings are for her, and how much effort you're willing to put into the relationship. Good luck.
WOW and i thought my relationship had problems :S.... well all I could say is let time work its magic one day she'll see your nice to her not b/c you want something in return its cuz you really care about her
What's in the past should remain in the past. I don't see why your gf's history is bothering you so much...I mean as long as she's not sleeping around with other guys and getting abortions, I don't see how her past has any affect on your current relationship. If you truly love her, you would look past her blemishes, and help her to regain the trust that she had lost.
sry i dont sympathize with your gf. No one can FORCE you into taking drugs or drinking... it sounds like a stupid excuse to me. If shes 17 now that means she was sexually active when she was like 16 (im guessing since you said she was pregnant) anyone that can be so irresponsible and become pregnant at such a young age without considering the consequences has a serious flaw in character. Im not questioning her commitment to you though... if she wanted to be your gf then she could really want to follow through with it.
I would say....its going to be hard for things to work out. She's 17 and gone through such things already. If you're willing to get yourself into a mess to try to get the relationship to work, props to you. But most likely, she's going to make some sort of bad decision and ruin it all in the end. In reality, a happy ending in this situation is not likely. My philosophy is: great risks lead to great rewards. What is your philosophy? On the same note, I've tried....and it didn't work out...
I agree. Not trying to be rude or anything, but if she was weak enough to be forced through all of that, what makes you think she's not weak enough to be coerced into doing something stupid again? She didn't have the courage to stand up for herself and walk out on relationships that were hurting her. I think she's been conditioned into thinking that there are no nice guys out there and the nice ones are only trying to get something out of her. If you're going to stay and try and help her, I wish you best of luck because it's not going to be an easy ride.
Hahah...how sad. If every guy thought like you then this girl would end up being single for the rest of her life...-ohmy
Tough luck on the girl... She's made some bad choices in the past, she should live with the consequences. Those type of girls are trouble, and dealing with those type of scars (that can haunt you later) is not part of the job description for a BF. Guys have standards too! Especially good guys such as the many here on PA -whistle. Mint_T, unless you're one of those type of girls... you have nothing to worry about right?
maybe you two should sit down and calmly have a conversation about whatever you're concerned about. You can tell her sincerely that your feelings are genuine and if she wants to continue this relationship with you, then she needs to trust you or else your relationship will probably not work--if she doesn't even trust your feeligns about her, then you guys have a big problem.
to tell u the truth i think she shouldnt be in a relationship in the 1st place, shes gone through alot and frankly at 17 i think she just needs a break from it all, theres more to life than having a bf at 17
