For those of you who are still in high school or just started in college/university....this might not be applicable to you. Just live out the fantasy land in the mean time. For the males out there...just keep on working on your game...u'd be alright. (Pls just click to the next thread) For those of you who are not in the above group of people...pls comment on this question. Especially for the ladies out there. I've been hearing this word thrown around from my female friends for the last year or so. Words such as "security", "potential" slowly creep up. While most people who post here either have problems with a) self confidence and the failure to understand the laws of attraction and have to act upon them, b) failure to express their interest with someone without creeping them out and c) to obtain random statistics for general curiosity that will neither help anyone nor indicate something that the vast majority does not know. Today I present to you with a different kind of problem. I am 22 right now, average looking 6"1 and weigh 210 pounds with a vast knowledge in fashion, finance. It seems like the quality of women I'd dated a few years ago are now out of my league. Out of my years of wooing girls, I've learned how to read people pretty well. I pay attention to the smallest details of social interactions, the facial expressions, any gestures or even unusual behaviors that a person's trying to hide. I've even slowly but surely learn how to grab one's attention and not lose it. Yet despite all I do, I'll not be perfect at all times to only show that I am human as well. For years, due to age and maturity....there'd be adjustments to be made. Like any human, thoughts and train of thoughts are different even with people of different ages. (my days of wooing girls are no more...I've changed; I can't look in the mirror and lie to myself anymore) Suprisingly due to my past success with my observation and adaptation skills, they've helped me with knowing how to deal with my parents, especially with my mom who just loves to nag like every other asian middle-aged woman. Sometimes I find myself being less than "human" but I gotta do what I have to. Now that I am out of school....at least for "undergrad"....I've quickly found how the world has revolved and what must do to reach their goals. I've found out quickly the difference btw wooing a girl and actually seriously dating one for real. It's a lot more work to do the latter (keeping an exclusive relationship is twice as hard as just starting an open ended one) For most desired women now, there seems to be this "application" process before you get an "interview" if you know what I mean. For you to qualify to even get a chance...you must be "established". Ain't it great? I've got the interview done...I just need to buffer up my resume. Dating/mating is like a job process. If you want to break it down, it is what it is. Don't lie to yourself nor to none of the folks here. If you get the job and the money's not right, you won't take the job. Things can wheel both ways. How important is it to become "established"? It seems like I am better of staying out of a relationship for 5+ years to become an "established" member of society first before I come back in. It seems to me that at my age, improving my portfolio as a member of society (by monetary means) is the next step I have to take. If it means that much to become "established"...I'd do whatever it takes starting now.
thats interesting man, got to say thats what it feels like, but you got to be able to take care of the one that you get with and that does require a bit of being established, i mean thats the short answer at least, especially of how it is today. Good thought here man, i'll revisit this.
Established is important for marriage if thats what ur looking for in a girl. Otherwise ur actually still young, 22 isn't old yet. U still got plenty of game left unless ur bored of course which then i have to applaud u for being a true male all the way till u got bored. Anyways being established to women = power and women love power. So i think thats enough to answer your question. Its power because u got ur life settled and u know where its going. Ambition in otherwords. They key thing is though u don't want a woman to know ur established because then they may marry u or go out with u for ur money. Now we wouldn't want that would we? Usually though if u have dated this long u would also seem to know that women always interview even if u dated them during ur "undergrad" or "high school" years. Women love to test us to see if we pass their requirements. The trick is to not let the tests phase u or to not even take the test. Just play it off as not important or just make a joke of the interview. Everything be4 marriage with a woman is a test...after marriage its just the lie detector tests....
your right, for security, being established is very important if it's casual dating, all that crap is thrown out of th roof but as for becoming serious you want to have someone who is (or will become established) someone who has drive and ambitions, really is a turn on (at least for me) because i know that one day, this person i could be secure with, on a financial level all girls dont want to have to worry about, "if i'm with this guy forever, will i ever have to live out of a dumpster" not all girls need to be in a rich household, but living comfortably is still a requirment
Thank goodness, I've stopped responding to most of those repetitive questions. It's a lot more than twice as hard. Sounds like you got a lot more observing to do imo. Yes, it is like a job process, except YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE EMPLOYER, not her. Desired women have guys "applying" left and right. Women are always trying to figure guys out. It's our job to turn the tables and mix things up. Send mixed signals, lead her to think you're doing something that's expected and then not, etc. You need to interview the girl to see if she is qualified. That's how you get the attention of the "desired women". I think you got this completely wrong. Sense of security isn't about money at all. The sense of security comes from a guy KNOWING how to take care of a girl. A girl can fall back on money if you fail to do your job right, so it has become a criteria because most guys fail at that job. Any girl that doesn't believe this might just a gold digger, and you don't want those type of girls in your life anyways. Improving yourself as a member of society (not just by monetary means) is a smart thing to do though, it benefits you on so many levels including your confidence and power. This combination of confidence and power are key ingredients for charisma, a strong attractive force.
It seems pretty much right too me and its good to be able to understand women, thats very important. to me 'security' and 'established' does not necessarily mean a person has to be rich or have all these assets, posessions etc. A a steady job, the right attitude is good, knowing what your doing with yourself in life and think about the future is a positive trait. All comes down to maturity! Girls have to feel secure in your future together I suppose. These days more women have decided to participate in the workforce so men dont have to feel pressured to have everything. BUT women aren't the only ones that has the choices in the world, they should also share the same qualities as 'established' and 'secure for guys, I peronally want a reliable partner and not one thats going to jump ship when the going gets tough. They can't rely on their beauty to carry them through a relationship.
I haven't seriously dated for so long that I've forgotten. For the past 5 years or so, all I have been doing is chasing skirts. Most guys talked a great game...I just went about my business aiming to just get certain girls in bed. I've never really considered a relationship. I had a serious relationship in high school...(yes I screwed that up) but since I was so young....it didn't mean anything. It's not until recently that I've found my life so empty. Being an only child and watching 90% of friends being in long term relationship have me rethink about life. (I played matchmaker on at least 20% of them as well). Yet I can't find a relationship myself. It's sad beyond belief. I am sorry...but sex just ain't enough anymore. I want the emotional support....I want that someone who knows exactly how I am feeling without me saying a single thing. I feel like I've had my run for fun and games and I am no longer interested in wasting my time with someone I have no emotional connection with. Maybe it's just my personality....but I just can't stand these lovey dovey couples. It's a clear reflection of how alone I actually am. It's sad to say...but I kinda want someone to come home to the end of a long day. Heck it beats looking at 4 walls. Where most people find peace, I find discomfort and restless. Partly the curisosity of true "dating" has fascinated me. I really should becareful what I wish for. The main problem too is that I can no longer see a girl for who she is anymore. My analytical self gets the better of me as I dissect the way she walks, she sits, the small gestures she makes. I seem to become who the girl wants me to be. My once developed ablities are now my own worst enemies. well here's the thing AVANT, I think it's an open ended job process for both parties....of course u're interviewing the girl at the same time...u'd be stupid not to sort out the piles before interviewing. I do the same for friends as well which is why I am surrounded by good people. Let's define the word "established"....my defination does not mean it's all about money...it's far from that. You need to be well established at your profession....it's also mixed with a feeling of quiet confidence. You have finanical independence and well prepared for that particular rainy day. You have your own place....u're secure both financially, mentally and possibly spiritually.
haha. I think it depends on the girl u trying to go after, e.g. education, family class, etc, etc. For instance, if u r trying to woo a girl whose family is really poor then just having a job might mean u r established. Funny thing is, the other day I over heard a few white girls (in the 20s) in front of me talking about their gf /bf wanting to move in together. 1 of the comments was " he has a stable job" which I intereprete as "establish" . The "he is a nice guy" never showed up
yup...reality has hit home for me. Whenever I overhear conversations about women juding men and talking about them....it's no longer about how "hot" a guy is...but words like established, stability, bright future pops up within the first 3 minutes of the conversation. Even some women I know who are in a steady closed relationship are thinking of jumping away from their current relationship cause there might be a more established guy out there. (when asked what's wrong with their current relationship....really...the response is nothing).
