I read an article by Myolie Wu, who labelled Bosco Wong as a 'boring bf'. Some girls tells me: "I like my bf and he is caring, but...he is just a little boring?!" So what do girls strive for after you've entered a relationship with a guy? Girls, feel free to leave comments or tips for the many bf's out there. Are there things you wished you bf does more? Or things you wanted to do together? Maybe more adventurous journeys maybe? Or maybe need to be romanced all the time?! Boys out there, counter comments...how do you think we can become an exciting bf?! Can we romance all the time? Do you think keeping gf happy is demanding? Are there sufferers of 'boring bf syndrome' out there?! >.<
I'd be down for a surprise date now and then. Something out of the ordinary that you've never done before and want to try together. ex. bungee jumping or go karts (I personally prefer active activities but if your girl is more of a reserved type, you could try other things like DIY workshops, wine tasting, etc) It shows that the guy can make a decision without you (I dislike indecisive men >.<).
As someone already said, it depends on the girl. Also, it's not so much non stop excitement that makes a BF interesting (you get bored of that after awhile, and who can keep it up?), it's more the BF's personality. Sense of humour, intelligence, etc. are all really important.
surprise them by licking the plum in the evening. sorry got the azelia banks song stuck in my head. on a more serious note i think, sometimes just changing things up a little. adding surprises all help in keeping the relationship going. the last thing you want to do is end up getting urself into a routine.
Download Fifty Shades of Grey audio book and listen together. kekeke On a more serious note, I like exploring new things with him, new activities, new food, new places to hang out.. road trips etc. Doing things you've never done together keeps the relationship fresh and exciting.
Okay, so why do women ignore the perfectly nice and stable boring guys or even worse, go out with them, marry them, develop a scathing hatred for them, abuse them, dump them, and then divorce them? This happens all the time. Normal boring guys can’t seem to find love – everyone ignores them, even when they have seemingly impressive assets, like a good job, a nice home, a stable personality, and a good reputation. Or, even more commonly, normal boring people get together, get married, get a life, have kids, and then engage in a long drawn-out bitter divorce in which immense quantities of pure hatred are unleashed, all out of proportion to the stature of the normal boring people who are experiencing them. Why do women treat boring guys so badly, both before and after having sex with them? Why the hatred? Why do things go so wrong? The reason is that boringness signals an inability to love. This little flaw is a big problem for both sexes when they encounter it in a potential mate but it shows itself a little more socially explicitly with women. Women’s evolutionary brains put a big premium on the ability to love or get strongly attached because the presence of the ability to love deeply indicates the kind of chemical makeup of someone who could make deep or difficult sacrifices on behalf of children or the needy and vulnerable. Women’s evolutionary brains value this highly because the world being the way it is, they figure that such sacrifices are probably gonna be necessary at some point. Shit happens, children require sacrifices, war happens, and it requires sacrifices, people get sick and have to be taken care of, resources get low and things look bleak – and women want someone who will stick by them through all that because they figure they’re going to fucking need it. There’s nothing like an evolutionary brain realizing that if it’s going to reproduce it had better figure on having some helpless hungry little ones clinging to it for a long time to make it really fucking perk up when it sees someone it thinks will help them when they need it. Women want someone who will get so fucking attached to them that they’ll stick with them even when common fucking sense and self-interest would argue against it. They want an irrational attachment that will outlast all the bad fucking shit life has to offer and just bond itself to them chemically come hell or high water. Men want this too but their systems for perceiving this are slightly different than women’s. So women want to be loved – not just loved but loved a lot, not just loved a lot but beyond all common fucking sense, not just beyond common sense but deeply into the kind of irrationality that would make a man risk his fucking life to go off to war just to protect her and the kids. Women’s evolutionary brains want to see that you’re the kind of guy with the attachment chemicals that would make you go into a fucking burning building to pull out your child. If you don’t have these kinds of chemicals, their brains are at first disappointed, then frustrated, then threatened, then rageful, then murderous – and then finally, if you survive all this, contemptuous and dismissive. If you can’t fucking hang, their evolutionary brains don’t want you. This may or may not be to your advantage. You may or may not have these chemicals. You may or may not want to go into a burning building to rescue your child. The problem is that boring guys do their absolute fucking accidental best to convince everyone that they have no fucking chemicals whatsoever, let alone ones that would allow them to really love someone. Get someone like this into a marriage and let them prove that they don’t and things can get really ugly. Lack of chemicals in a marriage can have dire consequences! It’s not just that the woman who will eventually divorce you for this reason will try to take all your money, it’s that they will want to make you miserable for the rest of your life as a way trying to prove to you that not having chemicals is bad and wrong. This is the essence of the boringness problem or the boring guy problem - lack of chemicals. It can be a bitch. Particularly when the boring guy in question, whether married or dating, or just hoping to date, feels that their chemicals are perfectly acceptable and that they have made and continue to make more than enough sacrifices to satisfy anyone reasonable. They think they are nice. They think they have done enough. They think they do more than enough, more than the jerks their girlfriends leave them for. They buy nice little gifts perhaps, they say sweet little things occasionally, they are patient and forbearing and even-tempered. And still it’s not enough! How fucking unfair is that? What the fuck are these chemicals they are lacking and where the fuck do they come from? It’s sort of unfair, and the chemicals come from emotions. This is an oversimplification but it’s close enough for our purposes. Emotions signal the body to start pumping out chemicals of various sorts in preparation for an emergency, a decision, or an important situation. Emotions give the oomph! to brain processing. Boring guys are not real fond of ooomph. To generate the emotions that generate chemicals you need pictures in your head. Imagination. Possibilities, potentials, disasters in the offing, triumphs in the making, big rewards, terrible punishments, redemption, heroism, romance, and fantasies of large sums of money that you don’t have. Stuff that isn’t happening but that if it did would have an impact, make a difference. You need to be looking at these pictures of things that aren’t happening and comparing them to what is happening in order to decide what’s good and bad, valuable and worthless, and so on. You need sharp enough contrasts between what is happening and what could be happening to generate strong values, deep feelings, and big chemicals. Boring people don’t do this. They don’t like strong contrasts because contrasts make them uncomfortable. They don’t like sharp clear values because they might have to take a stand for them. They don’t like big feelings because they might not be able to handle them. And they don’t like big chemicals because they take energy and they’d rather conserve their resources and skip the whole thing. Let’s take an example of how to be boring and not boring. You look at your imaginary life a year from now. You see a modest increase in income, some small but necessary repairs to the house, the possibility that the oldest will need braces, the need for new exercise equipment and the potential for improving your lawn and garden by planting new hedges. Everything else pretty much stays the way it is now. BORING!!!!! No chemicals are being generated. Now let’s take a different look. You look one year into the imaginary future and see that your ass is grass unless you fucking figure out some way to make more money! You see that you don’t get along with your boss and you’ll fucking kill him if you can’t get transferred the hell out of his division. You see that you’re not getting any younger which not only causes mild panic because there’s so fucking much you wanted to do with your life but is also ridiculously unfair because you’re not getting any wiser either. You see all these different things you’d like to do and try which you probably won’t have time for, but you wish you did. You look at the contrasting pictures of how life is, how you’d like it to be, and how it’s probably gonna be and you get all mixed up and your chemicals starting milling around trying to figure out what to do and the next thing you know you are suddenly crabby and having an argument with your significant other in which you are bitching and moaning and whining because you never have enough fucking time for anything! And she gets all pissed off at you and the 2 of you shout and by the time it’s over you have sex and she feels all bonded to you and secretly believes that she scored big time bagging you because you have chemicals and you care about things. What you care about that Mr. Boring Guy didn’t is not just how things are gonna be but how you’d like them to be. Your whiny complaint about lack of time indicated, underneath it all, that there are still things you believe in and want to do and you care enough about them to get all crabby because you can’t have them. This is exactly what boring people don’t do. They don’t look at how they’d really like things to be. If you don’t look at that, it’s hard to generate chemicals. And if you don’t generate chemicals, you don’t generate caring. And if you don’t generate caring, you don’t generate love and attachment. Boring people don’t look at how they’d really like things to be because that isn’t the way they are. Boring people figure it’s no use and it’s just painful to think about how they’d really like things to be because yeah right, like that’s really ever going to happen. And so they tamp down the contrasts in their pictures, tamp down the emotion, tamp down the chemicals, and tamp down everything else. Women will fucking hate you if you do that. If you’re not in love with something that’s never gonna fucking happen, if you can’t be irrational enough to manage that, how the fuck are you ever gonna be irrational enough to be in love with them? You aren’t. They’re a lot harder to love than your silly little dreams and if you are not man enough to handle having a few dreams, you are probably not man enough to handle jack shit. At least that’s how their evolutionary brain reasons. Not only that, they figure you’re not really gonna care when they’re not there for you when your chips are down. Because all you ever think about is the daily details of life and not the coulds and wish it was’s, so you don’t even bother to imagine that anyone would ever truly fucking care for you. You’re all practicality and no fantasy. Which means that whatever love they have for you is pretty fucking useless since you don’t care anyway, right? Exactly the sort of reasoning that generates chemicals all right – get me the fuck out of this boring marriage chemicals. This is the essence of the Women Want A Man With Potential myth. People notice that women always go for the guy with the dreams, that she seems to fall in love with what he could be rather than what he is. What she is actually falling in love with is his ability to generate big chemicals, what she is actually falling in love with is his ability to love. You may not have a significant other, you may just want to attract one. But let me tell you, if you run around unconsciously killing your own & other people’s How I Wish It Was’s, in favor of I’m Sure You’ll be Impressed to Learn What A Secure Job I Have, you might as well just make a fucking announcement to the woman’s evolutionary brain – I will never fucking love you. The women you attract with that gambit will be ones that don’t want to be loved. And there are some. You might as well get used to going out with them. You may think that balancing your checkbook or taking care of business indicates love or the desire to provide or be practical or take care of people and so on. It doesn’t, not unless you combine it with chemicals. To avoid the abuse the boring are eventually subjected to, you need to be clutching an improbable dream, no matter how practical you are. Let me repeat, you do not have to run around being all fucking emotional all the time. What you need to do is be clutching some improbable dreams hard enough to let your desire for them leak out occasionally whether it be in crabbiness, or enthusiasm, or irrational babbling. An improbable dream is not that you will get the garage cleaned out this Sunday. An improbable dream is that you could be a really good rock guitarist. Improbable. Not merely unlikely, like the clean garage dream. Improbable means life-changing, life-enhancing, it does not mean sorting your socks. Want something bad enough to get pissed that you don’t have it. It’s not the getting it that’s important – it’s the wanting it. A woman will put up with a lot of not getting from a man who displays a lot of wanting. Turn some of that excess wanting toward her, and she’ll stick like glue. That’s all there is to it. The unfair part for boring guys (and women) everywhere is that there are good reasons why you are not clutching your improbable dreams, advertising your chemicals, and avoiding the scathing contempt of the people you will eventually marry. The reason is that you already have an improbable dream. The improbable dream is that you will be loved. This little fucking dream has become so improbable in your mind that you don’t even fucking bother to haul it out of your heart and spit-polish it occasionally. You don’t even really look at the sucker, because what’s the fucking use? You have buried it and don’t look at the pictures it produces. But it leaks out anyway. It leaks out anyway and what it announces to the woman who is not only going to divorce you but divorce you with great bitterness is that it’s never gonna fucking be about how much you love her, it’s always going to be about whether she loves you. And no matter how much she does, it’ll never be enough because you won’t even look at the fucking improbable dream long enough to tell if it’s fucking coming true. A buried dream can’t come true. You can’t be satisfied by getting something you have given up even fucking wanting. If you don’t experience the wanting, the getting will be absolutely fucking useless. To put it another way, you are a boring guy because you didn’t get enough love as a kid. If that’s not the worst fucking pathetic reason for a fucked up marriage or fucked up love life I don’t know what is. And yet there you have it. Happens all the fucking time. Happens more often than not. Happens to not quite everybody but close enough. That’s just the way life is. It’s staggering how many incredibly normally boring people fling themselves at me who have never really loved anyone or had anyone love them back. I can’t fix all that in a page or two, although god knows I would if I could. But I can lay it out for you so you can decide what to do about it – such as ignoring it completely. In your route to boringness, you followed these steps. Unfollow everything in Step 1 in reverse order and you will eventually free yourself of this problem. If for some reason you want to. Which you probably don’t. Step 1: Be a kid. Look around at life. Realize that it is not the way you want it to be. Realize there is nothing you can do about this. Figure that if you had more love coming your way it would be more like you want it to be. Figure that’s not going to fucking happen. Don’t tell anyone you want more love than you’re actually getting – because that would jeopardize whatever love you can actually obtain. Tell yourself that if anyone actually really loved you enough, you would love them back so hard and so much. Practice this part on your cat or dog or stuffed animals. Think about your situation a little. Sigh. Get depressed. Realize that if you think about what you really want but can’t have it can get really painful. Even more than painful, it can get scary. The sensation of not having enough love to get what you want can feel a little life-threatening. The sensation of not being able to give you the love you have can feel just as life-threatening. Because it is. People need both. You aren’t getting enough of either. Decide you don’t want your life threatened. Stop thinking about what you really want. Stop thinking about more love. Make do with what you have. Practice this philosophy endlessly. Promise yourself that you can keep your dream of having all the love you would ever need to get everything you want – as long as you never bum yourself out by looking at it. Step 2: Grow up. Don’t even think about changing the practices it took you so long to master. Keep your dream locked up like a stack of diamonds in a safe deposit box. Get paranoid that people will find out about your dream because it’s so fucking precious and valuable naturally they are going to want to steal it away. Try to mate. Step 3: Start thinking to yourself, my precious diamond dream of having enough love to get whatever I want would look really good on this mate person. It’s a beautiful diamond dream and this is a beautiful person. They would complement each other perfectly. But I can’t take it out of the safe deposit box and display it because it’s so fucking valuable they would probably try to steal it. Maybe I should trust them. Maybe I shouldn’t. Here’s what I’ll do – I’ll decide that if they prove, if they show me they really love me and I can trust them then I’ll take it out. So I’ll keep hinting around that I have some diamonds. But if confronted I’ll deny it. I’ll look for them to prove they love me and then they can see my diamonds. Step 4: Implement this strategy. Bring your little gifts, your little sweet gestures, your little attempts to show affection, your small commitments, trot them out as hints that you possess more where that came from – you have actual fucking diamonds. When the other person suspects you might have love diamonds you are hiding and confronts you in an argument or stressful situation, when they try to find out if you really love them – vigorously deny it. Panic. Pretend you don’t know anything about it. Lie hard. Act like you don’t love them and you don’t care if they love you. Refuse to argue. Don’t get mad. Put things in perspective. Focus on the practical. Calm things down. Get rational. Argue on what is’s and not the what could be’s. Avoid the L-word. Feel uptight and paranoid and inadequate and insecure. Figure these things will just signal that you are hiding precious diamonds. Act like you don’t care. Stay calm. Keep things on the surface. Don’t really ask them if they love you - you don’t want to know. Try to act like you are just concerned about them and not yourself. Distract them from thinking about your hidden diamonds by focusing on them. Act like they need your help and not your diamonds. Try to help them. Feel like a slug of cement when it doesn’t work and you subliminally realize that at this rate they will never be worthy to see your diamonds. Get worried that all your hiding and denying will blow things and maybe they really do love you and they are the one you should show your diamonds to. Feel guilty. Use the L-word. Try hard to get along. Be nice. Smooth problems over. Keep things light. Keep things practical. Be glad you are not dealing with the harrowing business of pulling valuable diamonds out of a safe deposit box. Be glad you didn’t trust them before. Repeat endlessly. Step 5: Experience ever-escalating abuse and criticism as the one you have mated with pokes and prods you for those goddamn fucking diamonds you hinted at. Experience their anger and betrayal at your false promises. Listen as they tell everyone, including you, how you never really loved them, never really cared, how you were unsupportive, ungiving, uncharitable, unsympathetic, uninspiring, and they fucking despise you. Clam up. You are certainly not going to show your diamonds to someone like this. Make a vow to yourself that they could kill you before you’d show them your diamonds. Watch them try. Realize how incredibly fucking right you were not to pull any fucking diamonds out of their safe place. Think to yourself that everything they have said about you just proves how wrong they were. You are incredibly loving, you have secret diamonds. They just don’t know about them. Step 6: Get left, get divorced. Get taken to the cleaners. Get lonely. Start thinking to yourself ‘you know if I could find the right mate, I bet my secret diamonds would look really good on them.’ Start cautiously looking. Do not realize this will never work. Do not realize that no one knows about your secret diamonds, as far as they are concerned they don’t fucking exist. You may pull in another sucker with your hints, but the reality is, you have no fucking diamonds until you pull them out of the goddamn fucking safe deposit box and start using them. Completely fail to realize this and get yourself into exactly the same type of relationship you had before. Repeat endlessly. That’s your steps. They are incredibly logical. They make complete sense and are not only sensible but sane. You were not stupid to follow them, or irrational, or a dweeb or defective. The only problem is they don’t work. Of course, you don’t fucking want to commit to loving someone else until they love you first, because as you know from experience, it fucking sucks when someone doesn’t love you. But logical as it is, it’s an endless loop. No one is ever really going to fucking love you until you can commit to loving first. This is hideously unfair, inconvenient, risky, and painful. Also it’s terrible. But that’s just the way it is. So you unfollow the path that got you here – in reverse order. So you start off by loving something small and not life-threatening. An improbable dream. You don’t start off back at the beginning when you were a kid and there was nothing you could do and the situation was life-threatening. You start off now and you follow step 1 in reverse order. You pull out your fucking diamonds and look at them. Dust them off and look at your dreams. They’re nice. You like them. Some are old and can be discarded or remounted in a prettier setting or what have you. Spruce the fuckers up. Maybe you don’t still want to be a professional baseball player. On the other hand, maybe it’s good to remember your passion for baseball and how much you love it. Examine your dreams. Get a little excited. Then realize that you don’t need all the fucking love it would take to get everything you want – but you could sure do with a lot more than you’re getting. You’ve been making do with nothing but the fake collateral of some old diamonds. Hell you’ve lived this fucking long without love – you can live awhile longer. But it sure would be nice to have it. Realize then you don’t have to fucking make do with what you have – you can go for more. Start thinking about more love. Giving and receiving. Coming and going. In and out. It’s not such a terrible thing. Think a lot more about what you really want out of life. Realize your life is not actually threatened. If someone doesn’t love you, it’s not going to fucking kill you. If you love someone and they don’t love you, it’s not going to fucking kill you. If you tell someone you love them, show it, reveal it, and they don’t love you, it’s not going to fucking kill you. Get used to this idea. It will take awhile. A long while. Realize that if they do love you, that won’t kill you either. Get used to this idea. It will take awhile. A long while. Realize that love could be painful. It could lead and will lead to wanting things you don’t actually have at the given moment. Big things. Improbable things. Chemical things. Scary things. Realize you can handle it. Practice. Increase your tolerance for pain. Realize that you had very little before. Realize how shut down you were, how you dismissed everything and made it boring. Realize your bitch of an ex-wife was right. Say to yourself – ‘what do you fucking know? She was right all along.’ Don’t worry about it. That was then, this is now. Get depressed, get un-depressed, deal with it. Swing wider in your thoughts, higher and lower in your reactions. Start fucking loving life. Stop fucking caring whether you ever find someone you can show off your diamonds on, hell, you are having too good a time with them yourself. Find someone you do love anyway, and give them your diamonds. Get all fucking happy when they accept them. Live happily ever after. Enjoy. And you thought life was complicated.
Am I a boring guy? The kind chicks always overlook while they are throwing themselves at the 'bad boys'? I ask because women act like I'm invisible while they crowd around some hotshot jerk that's going to treat 'em badly and then blow them off. I don't understand that. I feel like I know how to treat a women well. But some of my friends say my problem is that I might be too 'boring.' Is that such a terrible thing? I think I am just a regular, down-to-earth person with a steady job and a decent personality. And I don't want one of those neurotic women that is always cooking up some 'relationship problem.' But I can't seem to find anyone that I really click with. Is there hope for us 'boring guys'? The answer to your first question is yes, you are a boring guy. We can tell by the fact that this was one of the wishy-washiest rants a person could possibly come up with. This is prettyfedup.com. You're not even pretty fed up. You didn't use a single swear word! This is the fucked up website. You don't think you're fucked up and you're not even willing to commit to a bold opinion that neurotic women with relationship problems are fucked up. For God's fucking sake man get a goddamn opinion on something! All right. I'd tell you to brush the tears from your eyes as you confront the brutal truth about how unacceptably boring you are. But you don't have any tears in your eyes because you're too fucking boring to generate them! So we'll skip that part and go a totally irrelevant pop quiz. Irrelevant Pop Quiz: Question #1: Are you the kind of easygoing person who never really gets mad about things? Question #2: Do you think about things like 'financial security'? Question #3: Do you really like food, particularly food that you personally are eating? Question #4: Are you going bald but too lazy to do anything desperate to conceal it? Question #5: When people are upset, do you try to calm the situation down by changing the subject, putting the problem in perspective, or encouraging them in various ways not to be upset any more? Question #6: When people ask you how your day was, do you respond by telling them what happened during it? Question #7: Does it make you uncomfortable when people try to talk about 'things' as opposed to events, recent purchases, or concrete plans to mow the lawn next Saturday? Question #8: When someone asks you how a movie was do you tell them the whole plot? Question #9: Do you have deep feelings for your dog? Question #10: Do you slightly disapprove of people who not as stable and placid as you, who have problems, get excited, seem aggressive, or pursue foolish plans? Question #11: Are you looking for someone who will really love you because nobody ever has, not really, not enough? Question #12: Are you sincere, and possibly even kind-hearted? Okay, great. Now it's time to tally up your score on the Irrelevant Pop Quiz. Your score: All your answers to the above questions were wrong! Excellent. Now you are a Certified Boring Guy as opposed to being someone who might be boring if anyone actually paid attention. The certification process has greatly enhanced your prestige. You could actually print out a certificate to place on your cubicle wall at work to show off your recent accomplishment except that I haven't provided one for you. So we'll skip to answering your last question which is whether or not there's hope for you. The answer is yes, there are 2 kinds of hope for you. Hope #1 is that you'll get less boring. This is unlikely but possible. Hope #2 is that you will meet the kind of woman you need, match up with her, and continue your boring existence into contented eternity. This is probably more likely so we'll concentrate on that first. What kind of woman should a boring guy like you be looking for? You are looking for a woman who doesn't like these three things: 1) Life 2) Other People 3) Herself That should do it. In other words, you are looking for a neurotic woman who is always cooking up some sort of relationship drama, whether the relationship is with her mother, with you, or with those annoying Other People where she works. You are looking for massive, incurable, subterranean Insecurity. Of course this is exactly the kind of woman you have been avoiding. You have been avoiding these women because what you have actually been looking for is someone who will cure your boringness problem. You have been looking for someone who is bright, and eager, and well-adjusted, who likes life, herself, and Other People. Someone who's kind. Someone with a lot to give. Women like this don't like you. They don't have any interest in you. Why would they want to share their love of life, or sex, or romance, or ambition, or Other People with someone like you who is just going to suck it into a voracious maw of boringness and turn it all into a bunch of stuff that doesn't matter very much? The answer is, they wouldn't. You think these people will pull you up into some sort of sparkly, more impressive existence, but the reality is that you will just drag them down. You will take their hopes and dreams and turn them into a dry list of events, purchases, and meals. You will take their ambitions and sympathies and turn them into trivialities and practical considerations. You will take their attempts at conversation and turn them into awkward silences. You will take their problems and turn them into something they shouldn't have. You will take their temporary obstacles and turn them into dead ends. You will take their need for mirroring, support, and sympathy and turn them into lonely isolation. Women like this don't even look at you because you are not worth seeing. On the other hand, there are women out there who are perfect for you. What you need is a woman who has all the emotion you lack but who doesn't like it very much. You don't like emotion yourself, you avoid it, and you try to make it go away one way or another. What you need is a woman who has a lot of it that she wants to go away. You are looking for a woman who is desperate to get rid of the emotions she has, because she doesn't like them very much. Someone who doesn't like herself very much and therefore is extremely and consistently grateful for someone who will try to make her not be like herself. You think emotion is a problem and you try to solve it. You need someone who agrees with you but can't solve it. You don't need someone kind. You need someone who hates everybody but will be kind and loyal to you because you support her. You need someone who is afraid of everybody else which makes you look like a deliriously, gloriously safe haven. You want someone with no ambition, who will feel safe and secure in your little world. You don't want someone who is interested in life - that will just make her want to talk about it all the time - you want someone who doesn't like it and who therefore considers a detailed conversation about the dishwasher a gift from heaven. Someone who wants to avoid the things they're scared of by fussing over you! This is the type of person who will stick to you like glue providing years of loyalty, comfort, companionship, and boring conversation. People who have nothing but a deep, persistent underlying feeling of dislike and distaste for everyone and everything have a tremendous need to love something deeply. Just like everyone else. Everyone else, however, has more opportunities to express it. People like your dream woman don't - and are therefore going to bundle it all up and lavish it exclusively on you! This is a much better deal than anything else you have been looking at. People like this hide their deep ability to love under a facade, but they are desperate to have one safe place where they can rip off the facade and reveal themselves for the pitiful, shivering, insecure, weak and overwhelmed person they are. Give them this place and they will do anything for you. How do you spot someone like this? Look for someone who blows their extremely trivial problems all out of proportion, who flaps their arms desperately as they unsuccessfully try to calm themselves down, trying pathetically to hide their discomfort and embarrassment. You want someone who can generate a lot of problems, so you can solve them, and earn their gratitude. You want someone who appears weaker than yourself because you are not all that strong yourself and you could certainly use the ego boost. You want the problems to be small and meaningless because a) you can't actually solve big problems; and b) it fits your style in which you minimize all problems into boring non-problemness. The key here is small problems and small dreams. This is exactly what you want. You want a cozy home, financial security, not too much strain on your brain, and not to have to hassle with all the pressure of big hopes and wants and ideas and feelings and so on. So what you want to avoid is the other kind of woman you have been attracted to - the one with the big problems, the big dreams, and perhaps the big compassion. The kind of neurotic women you referred to above rather than the kind you should be going out with. You have been attracted to these women in the hopes of rendering them a mighty service by turning their actual big problems into non-problems by boring them out of existence. You have been trying to do them a favor and help them out of their unhappiness by killing their big dreams. This won't work. In the process, you have actually just been driving them crazy, making them want to kill you, and inadvertently forcing them to act even more neurotic than they would otherwise choose to. What people with big problems and big dreams want is an acknowledgement of the size, scale, and importance of their concerns. You're not going to give them this. They're going to hate you. They're going to try to get it from you. You're not going to give it to them. They're going to try harder until they are practically pulling out a knife and stabbing something with it in an attempt to get a response out of you which you will not give. Then you will label them neurotic. And most probably decide that they weren't capable of love anyway. This isn't helpful for either one of you. Forget about it. Steer clear of the restless, the passionate, and even the very kind or big-hearted. Stick instead to the agitated, the mildly nervous, the mildly critical, the mildly catty, the mildly judgmental, the mildly incompetent, the uptight, the overconcerned, and the people who make a big deal out of the fact that they ordered lavender napkins for the shower but the actual napkins turned out to be violet instead. This is the kind of problem that you can handle, that you can soothe, by pointing out that it isn't one. Look for someone with the time and personality to get upset about this kind of shit. Don't look for compatible interests, look for compatible emotional styles. The women you are seeking may be nice, or socially accomplished, or good-looking, or well-liked, or admirable in about 16,000 ways. But you need to pick up the hint of neurotic uptight bitch beneath their social facade. That bitchiness inside themselves that they don't like and can't control is exactly what is going to make them love you. You've been looking for the kind and kind-hearted because you personally have some kind-heartedness and more importantly you need a lot of it yourself. This has been attracting you to the wrong people. The person who is going to be kindest to you is the one who always feels guilty because she never quite feels kind enough about anyone else. The ones who are kind to everyone will be kind to you but it will be because they think you are pathetic. That's not a good deal for you! The big-hearted woman who rescues dogs from the dog shelters and finds them homes and nurses them and so on and who appears so confident and capable when in her element and who has that great flaming red hair and those exotically curvy legs beneath her jeans - yeah you're attracted to her because you feel a bit like an abandoned dog yourself and you long for someone just like her. But after about 3 months with you she's going to wonder why you don't share her passion or depth of feeling for not just dogs but anything. She's going to look for someone who cares, who has passion. She's going to say sayonara and head off with an asshole lawyer who argues with every single thing she says. Because when he argues it makes it seem like he's arguing because what she says is important. Whereas you don't treat anything she says or does or feels as important - you just put on your big dog eyes and mope around thinking she'll rescue you. She won't! Go back to the agitated closet bitch who's trying to appear pleasant while criticizing everyone in a subtle way - she's the one whose heart you'll gradually win until she becomes so fucking dependent on you she won't be able to live without you. You'll love that shit! Knock yourself out! Okay, now that I have solved all your romantic problems, go forth and conquer. Remember that there are millions and millions and millions of boring guys just like yourself hooked up with great women. Of course many of them are busy being dumped, divorced, and abused by these same women but that's the next FAQ and shouldn't deter you. Remember to think small! Women with small problems, small dreams, small concerns, small feelings, and small hopes. They're gonna love you! You'll do fine. Next, we address the unasked FAQ of why women dump, divorce, abuse and ignore their perfectly nice boring guys in favor of running headlong as fast as they can into singleness and independence or alternatively, toward someone much more fucked up. We'll also address how you can become less boring if for some unknown reason you get a wild hair up your ass to do so. Sometimes there is an extraordinarily unboring guy lurking inside a boring one just waiting to pop out of his chest like something from the Alien movies. This unboring side is often extremely interested in learning how it can get the fuck out of the boring person it got stuck inside of and it might be interested in clicking on the link below. You never know....
As a general rule, if you write such a long essay, no one is going to read it. Keep points clear and concise.
hahaha boring guys = too accomodating, hold back his opinion and emotions, afraid of rejection and not being accepted, non adventurous, don't have energy to him, don't put energy in conversations, too easy going, too easy to get along, trying people to like them, tends toward to efeminine sides, clingy, weepy, emotional, sensitive, even tempered, he is never get mad, emotional monotone, black and white thinking - engineering mindsets, ordinary haircuts - clothings - shoes, too understanding, wishy washy, reversed , shy, routine, don't have moment of spontaneity, passive instead of aggressive, pleaser, meek instead of brave, martyrs, giver - gives because he gots an agenda, he can't say no, he is afraid of conflicts, codependent, he keeps his personality hidden, he can't break up with women, he is afraid of loss, he hides his imperfections and mistakes, easier to be friend with women, he is obsessed easily with relationship - letting friends and life slip away, controlling, manipulating, passive aggressive behaviour, rescuer , attracted to a women who needs fixing because it gives him a sense of superiority and a place to her life, lacks aggressive instinct, afraid of what other people's perceptions and think of him
that's great warrior, but this thread is about how to be an exciting bf. looking forward to your reply!
psychologically speaking, 'exciting' people have higher scale on openness-to-experience levels so knowing and aware of that, people can aim to increase their willingness to openness to experiences Reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Openness_to_experience#Relationship_to_other_personality_traits Openness to experience From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Openness to experience is one of the domains which are used to describe human personality in the Five Factor Model[1][2] Openness involves active imagination, aesthetic sensitivity, attentiveness to inner feelings, preference for variety, and intellectual curiosity.[3] A great deal of psychometric research has demonstrated that these qualities are statistically correlated. Thus, openness can be viewed as a global personality trait consisting of a set of specific traits, habits, and tendencies that cluster together. Openness tends to be normally distributed with a small number of individuals scoring extremely high or low on the trait, and most people scoring moderately.[citation needed] People who score low on openness are considered to be closed to experience. They tend to be conventional and traditional in their outlook and behavior. They prefer familiar routines to new experiences, and generally have a narrower range of interests. People high in openness tend to have more liberal political views, whereas those who are low in openness tend to be more conservative, and are more likely to endorse authoritarian, ethnocentric and prejudiced views. Openness has moderate positive relationships with creativity, intelligence and knowledge. Openness is related to the psychological trait of absorption, and like absorption has a modest relationship to individual differences in hypnotic susceptibility. Measurement The NEO PI-R personality test measures six facets, or elements of openness to experience: Fantasy - the tendency toward a vivid imagination and fantasy life. Aesthetics - the tendency to appreciate art, music, and poetry. Feelings - being receptive to inner emotional states and valuing emotional experience. Actions - the inclination to try new activities, visit new places, and try new foods. Ideas - the tendency to be intellectually curious and open to new ideas. Values - the readiness to re-examine traditional social, religious, and political values.
