I had a 'friend', a chinese girl, who I already know from the primary school. We were good friends during primary school,secondary school and college/university. We had about more then 15 years of friendship, we both are from the same age. All the time she was better than me: she got better marks than me, she was taller than me, more hard working etc. My mother always told me that I was lazy and that I have to follow my friends footsteps and become more hardworking bla bla bla. I thought : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, whatever I will do my own thing. There are a lot of people who are better than me, it's a useless thing to keep me comparing with others. It was a bit frustrating, my mother keep telling me that every time I got a bad mark. But now, things have changed. Now I am the one who is better.... well better is not the right word. I am just a student who pass the exams. My 'friend' though, she got two years behind in the secondairy school. When I was graduating from secundairy school, she still needs to do 2 years of education. Till then, the friendship between us was still OK. She finally graduates from secundairy school and did antoher study just like me. In the meanwhile, I was working in a chinese take away restaurant. when I worked there for 1,5 year my boss asked my 'friend' to work there. My 'friend' quited her other job and worked at the take away.Then she and I become colleagues.... and then everything changed to my opinion. We never go shopping together or see each other besides when we are working. And if we do talk on msn, it will always be about our work and our boss. I don't know why, we were more colleagues than good friends. And every week during work time, she always ask me what my BF and I did this week but she will never tell about her BF when I ask about it:S Normally we both work on the sundayevening but after a few weeks, she asked my boss if she could work friday,saturday and sunday evening( normally friday and saturday a Dutch girl will work)So my boss fired the Dutch girl and my friend worked 3 evenings a week. fine by me, besides the take away I have a part time job at a bank so I didnt want to work at friday and saturdays after all. Then the place got sold and we got a new boss. She was nice. Last summer, I went for a holiday to Spain and Croatia so I wasn't able to work for 6 weeks. Before I went, I told my boss that I will quit my job in september because of my study. My grades weren't very good and I wanted to focus on the last exams before graduating. She wanted me to stay but I really wanted to focus on my study 6 weeks were gone and I had a nice vacation. When I came back to work, everything was changed. When I was gone, my 'friend' wanted to have a salary increase. And she also said bad things about me; that I wasn't as good as her, she get better grades, she works there 3 evenings a week, that i was doing nothing during work time, she does everything etc. And that she will leave immediatly if our boss will not increase her salary. But I didn't know about of all these things when I came back. We just work normally like always and my friend acted normal. although every week she asked: I thought you quited, why are you here? And she blamed me that SHE couldn't go for a holiday because I was 6 weeks gone, or else nobody was working. I said: everybody has the right for a holiday, it's up to you if you take it or not! Enjoy the free time you have and not only working! Besides we are part timers and not full timers, I only work here once a week. Our boss can't say to us: hey you can't go on holiday because nobody is working. Our boss has to find some other people by herselves. And my 'friend' said nothing.......... And yes, she immedialy quited her job when she found another job. She just didn't show up, no call to say she won't come, she jut don't come without saying anything! Not even to me! Then my boss told me of all the things happened when I was on holiday. That she orderd wrong food on purpose, give the wrong change to customers, pulled me down etc. My boss wanted me to stay and would increase my salary but I really wanted to leave, it caused a lot of unhappy things. I don't want that other people ( friends of my 'friend' who I know) thinks that I kicked my 'friend' out or something if I continue working there. I also don't know if my 'friend' told bad things about me to her friends. After this incident, my 'friend' never talked to me again. And I was SO angry and sad. I have seen her twice at the bus station and her BF and other friends said hello to me, but she said nothing. She didn't even looked at me. Maybe a big thread but till now I am still unhappy about it. It hurts me a lot. Our 15 years of relationship has ended, thrown away........ just because of a stupid job and salary. Did I do something wrong ? Till now, I still don't understand why she did all these things. Am I a bad friend or something? -down How will you deal about it?
To ur query "Am i a bad friend or something", I'll have to pass because I am just hearing the story from ur side of view. But as to how I will deal with it, I'd prob just contact her if it still bothers me so. And if she clearly doesn't want to patch things up, then i'll just have to move on. The working life is very different from schooling one, so it's quite common that friendships can turn stale. When you work, you'll notice that most of them can only be your colleagues but never a real friend because there are just so much work politics going on. Perhaps you'll be able to revive your 'friendship' with her but stay out of the way to being colleagues together.
Seems like there's some internal conflicts in herself. If you want to find out the cause, give her a call and meet up so that you can have a chat with her. From your description, it seems that there are some serious issues going on in her life which she has no control over. Also, maybe to her friends and see if they heard anything that was going amiss in her life during the last couple yrs. Despite what she did to you, forgive her and try to help her since 15yrs of friendship is not a relationship that can be tossed out the window just like that.
From her description, it didn't sound like she was close friends with her friend Just a long-term friend.
I will move on.. It probably had nth to do with you in the first place. She could be just frustrated with her life and feel that its the fault of other's. Dun blame yourself for everything that went bad. Btw, here are some of my thoughts abt friendships that may or may not apply: They need effort to maintain. Time is not an accurate gauge. Its the moments and experiences together that count, during both good and bad times. Perhaps the most likely scenario to me was that you won't there when she needed you.. and only you will know whether its true. But somethings once lost are gone forever. And you just learn from it and move on. No turning back.
Whatever personal problems your friend has, she has no right to pull you down and if she'd considered you a good friend, she should have told you about her problems instead of going behind you. People can change and despite the many years of friendship, perhaps it's better if you forget her and make new friends. She'd proved she can't be trusted as a friend after all. (but then I'm not exactly a person of 2nd chances)
yes, she really hurts me a lot. I know that people can change, I mean everybody's changing..... but never thought it will end like this. In the secondary school we were good friends, although we were not in the same class( she was in a higher level than I was). We could talk about everything: boys,shopping, school, our parents, future etc. all the normal stuff girls do togehter. But now.... she don't even say hi to me when she sees me
Sigh...i hope this never happens to me, I wouldn't know how to handle the situation! My opinion is that now you know that she isn't a good friend and you shouldn't trust her. Its better that it happened now in a smaller situation than if it was a larger situation like if the job was a high classed very competitive job. I don't know, but if that person does bad things, bad things will happen to her one day, karma!
