How to fake being a Canadian, eh

Silent111 · Jul 1, 2007

(CP) - OK. For some reason you've decided you want people to think you're a Canadian, even though you're not. Maybe you're a recent immigrant to this country and you just want to fit in. Maybe you had the misfortune of being born in Monkey's Eyebrow, Ariz., and just want to escape. Maybe you're an alien with instructions to find an easy place to infiltrate the earthlings.

Whatever, you're a determined Canadian wannabe and you need help pulling the Canada goose feathers over people's eyes. The book "Fakin Eh! How to Pretend to be a Canadian," which Toronto author Dan de Figueredo says was inspired by a dream involving a talking moose, offers some tips.

Billed by its publisher as a hilarious romp through Canadiana, the book teaches you to "dress, act, speak, eat, sleep, drink, drink and drink some more like a Canadian." It includes familiar advice about using "eh" and touches on igloo dwelling, tuque wearing and doughnut eating.

While de Figueredo's tongue might have been firmly in his cheek, our southern neighbours were most definitely on his mind. "The idea was to write it in such a way that we could laugh at being Canadians because the very idea that they (Americans) would want to become Canadians is kind of funny to us," he says with a laugh.

Perfecting the masquerade is not so easy, de Figueredo says, adding that Americans naturally take the imitation over the top.

"A fake Canadian is a show-off. That's the big one. He has no problem giving his opinion right away."

And American pretenders might put "eh" at the end of every sentence, but they get the emphasis all wrong.

"I think most of them would end up as an out-and-out fake Canadian and would give themselves away within the first couple of sentences."

De Figueredo's approach is not new. Lore has it that Americans have been slapping the Maple Leaf on their backpacks for years in hopes of avoiding anti-American sentiment overseas. T-Shirt King, based in New Mexico, offers a Going Canadian kit that includes a T-shirt sporting the Canadian flag and the phrase "O Canada," a matching Maple Leaf patch for luggage, a window sticker, a lapel pin and a little guide called "How to Speak Canadian, Eh?"

The Canadian Press - Canada's national news agency, eh? - informally surveyed people on a California beach and on our own beloved Prairies for advice on faking being from here.

Jin Ser Lee says anyone pretending to be Canadian should be as polite as possible. "You have to say 'thank you' very many times - just for just little things," advises the 25-year-old South Korean, who is studying physics at the University of Manitoba.

"You say 'sorry' many times, too. In Korea, we don't do those things that much. It's such a small country, so packed. Unless you step on someone really hard on their foot, we don't really say sorry."

Denys Volkov, who hails from Kharkiv, Ukraine, offers this essential advice for any eastern Europeans trying to act Canadian: "Poutine (fries smothered in cheese and gravy) is not the same as Putin." Volkov recounts how he moved to Manitoba to study and initially couldn't understand why his friend kept asking his opinion of Russian President Vladimir Putin.

California folks, as de Figueredo predicted, are not shy about describing Canadians.

"I've just seen it on South Park," offered Venett Hernandez of San Diego, who was visiting SeaWorld with her son recently. "They say 'aboot' there - that's a funny way of saying about - and 'eh.' That's about it."

But she wasn't finished after all: "They like hockey. It's expensive. They speak French, and English, too, I think, but predominantly French."

Clint Simmons from Kansas echoed her view: "They all sound like French Canadians. I've never actually met one, I don't think," he shrugged. "I don't know much (about Canada) except there are just mooses and lots of snow and caribous."

Not all the misconceptions about our home and native land are bad. In fact, some make you wonder why everyone doesn't just pull up stakes and move north.

"I know that since I'm in the legal profession there's very little crime there," explained Sheryl Lobbig, a bikini-clad paralegal who was sunning herself on Newport Beach. "I know that no one locks their doors. We studied that in law school. I mean there's hardly any shootings at all there. It's crazy!"

Back to the people who are living here, after living somewhere quite different not so long ago. Gautam Mehta, who arrived in Regina from India a few months ago to study electronics, says the key to faking being Canadian is being nice.

"I have a few Canadian friends and they've been quite hospitable. Like if I need some help or something, they help me out in all ways they can."

Qing Zhou came to Saskatchewan from China six years ago and is working on a degree in industrial engineering. If she had to fake being a Canadian? Easy, she says. She'd kick back.

"On the weekend, drinking and partying for sure. During the weekday, I think they work hard, but they know how to relax. I think the beer is definitely the most popular drink here."
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http://news.yahoo.com/s/cpress/20070630/ca_pr_on_na/cda_day_faking_canadian

LoL...

Taxloss · Jul 1, 2007

Hmm, why is the 'eh' typically Canadian actually? I use it too and I know there are more people who use this as well in our daily convo's in our own language.

subaru3169 · Jul 1, 2007

i wanna move there haha

nyckeion · Jul 2, 2007

sounds like pirates eh....

xmichelly · Jul 2, 2007

I never knew "eh" came from Canada.

SugaCutie0 · Jul 2, 2007

lol This has to be a joke.. I'm not Canadian, yet I am very polite and I tend to say "thank you" and "sorry" a lot.. I've actually had people tell me that its okay not to say "thank you" so much..>.<

khaotic · Jul 2, 2007

xmichelly said: ↑

I never knew "eh" came from Canada.
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Doubt it ever did, but for some reason "eh" is often associated with us Canadians O_O.

無得頂 · Jul 2, 2007

I'm definitely a chinese canadian. I can say "eh" in a chinese accent if I want to.

Knoctur_nal · Jul 2, 2007

this is just damn hilarious...haah

How to fake being a Canadian, eh

Silent111 Well-Known Member

Taxloss Stripper Vicar

subaru3169 Well-Known Member

nyckeion ....Boo....

xmichelly Well-Known Member

SugaCutie0 Well-Known Member

khaotic Fobulous

無得頂 Well-Known Member

Knoctur_nal |Force 10 from Navarone|