do you know how hard it is to listen to a statment like that i dont know why, one year ago, i never had this problem, now I hear it at least once a week, sometimes several I've tried learning how to read and write 90% of my calls outside of work are in chinese but constantly I hear "you dont know how to read" "you dont know how to write" "it's so funny/cute you can't pronounce things correctly" "your grammer is so horrible" "you dont know what that word means" (even if i do know what it means, but they ASSUME, and then start making fun of how your chinese if funny, and if you tell them yes i know, they have you explain it, which puts you on the spot) "you dont know what we're talking about so blah blah blah" turns away from you and tells the joke to everyone else "oh your just a CBC/ABC you dont know anything" "dont use such big words around her, she doesn't understand" (damnit shutup, pointing it out for everyone to notice is going to be a lot more damaging to me than me not understanding and slowly just catching on) if i didn't care about the chinese language, i wouldn't hang out with so many chinese speaking people i could make friends that it wouldn't be so difficult to communicate with yes i do undertsand that they are just joking, and they dont mean it (i think 90% of the time they dont realize they've hurt my feelings, becuase i just pretend to me ok, cause if not, if i get mad or sad, than they just think, oh she's just being over sensitive or 小氣, they dont know that when they are not around, i've actually cried about it. In fact, even on the phone several times, becuase they could not see me, i started to cry but this is a sensitive issue for me I really try, i REALLY DO yes i KNOW i suck at this, but i'm making such an effort couldn't you at least encourage me, praise me when i do something good rather than point out my flaws and laugh you humour is at someone's expense the thing that sucks the most is it hurts even more when it is the people you feel the most close to that are the ones that are doing this to you.
no i'm not a fob, i was already born in another country, no immigration yes maybe i act like one i guess i'm a damn immitation fob
Take it easy rinilady... I am sure your friends meant you no harm, although they don't realize they have caused you so much hurt. You should actually find a time to talk to them and tell them how you would rather them not to make fun of your knowledge of the chinese language. I am sure once they realize how sensitive this issue is to you, they'll stop... and maybe even encourage you.
have you tried telling them your feelings? what i do (or people have done with me) is tell the person who's hurting you your feelings, especially if they're close to you, and see what happens. like you said, they don't realize the pain you're going through and expressing that is the first step in easing your pain and perhaps letting them realize that some things just aren't funny. if they don't try to change, well, i wouldn't be friends with them anymore.
If you want to, you can always learn now! But don't listen to those ppl's attacks. Chinese ppl love to say things like that to make themselves feel better than you. Stepping on people to show off. Besides, you're probably much better than those people in many areas! They may know how to write chinese, but you're a much better cook! You may have an accent, but then those cool ABC/CBC guys would probably feel more comfortable talking to you than those fobs!
I've tried learning too, and I've given up. It's too much of a commitment, when there are so many better things I already have no time to learn.
^Well, it's a matter of priorities. Someone could have learning Chinese as their top priority; so could afford to spend more time on it
personally confronting people is a very awkward thing to do.... so just keep on trying to improve your chinese and let their put downs and smart ass comments be a motivator for why you want to improve yourself
^True... But if between confrontation or continue to endure those mockings and what not; you'll have to decide which makes you feel worse.
^ i mean confronting them and telling them what you feel is the best option. but truthfully can you imagine how hard it will be and awkward they will be towards you after (maybe after a little while it will be forgotten) but realistically confrontation is something that many of us will not want to do
I know what you mean... Probably would be quite awkward and esp if you feel so much; you'll probably like get a lump in ur throat and start tearing and b4 you know it you are crying instd of confronting them and it'd all be so embarrassing! -emb
Use their remarks as a motivation to learn chinese. Dont need to take it personal what they say, because deep down, you know you've been putting efforts to learn and that no matter what, you will succeed one day and show them that You can do it.
it's hard not to take it personaly whentheysay " YOU dont know this". And also not hard to be effected by it when you heard it OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and regarding using there remarks as motivation, i think that is a horrible motivation. I never want to use someone's negative remarks to be my motivation unless it is becuase i am doing something wrong. I dont think it's WRONG that i'm not good, i was not put in the same living enviorment as them. I rather be motivated by my own personal drive that i want to be better because I WANT to do it for me, not for other people. . . . yes, this is why I can't confront them. I dont want to bring it up when I'm fine, cause that's just bringing a downer to the party. And I can't bring it up when i'm not fine, because i'm not going to break out and start crying and make everyone feel akward. I did something similar to the whole "writing an email" thing. I posted what i wrote in this thread into my blog and hopefully they might come across it. although all the people i care about it are not into the blog scene, so they dont read my blog either therefore mostly likely no one will see it. this is true. . . . even my guy will occasionally make fun of me because i'm not a true HKer like him and i'm just an ABC
@smallrinilady: Your friends are just mean @_@b *sigh* Don't take it too personally (I know it's hard), or if you are able (I am not sure how advance your Chinese is so), read books, that get you far and wide in terms of vocabulary (because TV shows just don't use as much proper "4-character-proverb" and such) Yeah, one of these days you are just going to be put on the spot and confront it beautifully Good luck
Yes, its a fact that it is indeed hard to our ego when we are being constantly put down by those remarks particularly by ppl whom we consider as our friends or close ones. I have the same issue, but whenever they remind me of it, i simply shrug it off and focus on improving myself. Dont get me wrong regarding using their comments as motivation to improve yourself since this is not your fault at not being good at chinese. I meant using those as motivations in the sense to tell yourself that YOU can do it, and that one day, YOU will shove it all back to them. -^_^ Dont get discouraged as your time will come when they can no longer tease you on it.
Gal, if they make fun of you they are probably just insecure or jealous that you are better than them in other things. So this is the one thing that they think they are better than you and that's why they are making it such a big deal...
i personally have not been in such situation. Im a BBC and i tend to find people over estimating my chinese lol. Last week i was in a back and a old lady came and asked me to read some chinese on a bank slip. I was like !! And as if that wasnt bad enough she was speaking in mandarin x_X!! A) i couldnt read B) i dont understand mandarin. but thank god my mum was there and i jst redirected her to my mum ^ ^
