Ok here is the story, want to move of my parents house. I live in a strict family, Chinese / Cambodian parents and wants the family to be successful and together and me and my brothers don't get much of a say to what we want unless its like what we want to eat thats in the house. when i mean strict i mean like, father "no dating till you graduate college" and when college comes up "i'll find you a wife, one who is Cambodian and is not that smart" Mother yells about anything she doesn't like regardless if it was misunderstood or not. Brother is full ride to college and little brother is doing better then me in school. I've labeled myself a black sheep of the family. Now i want to go out and get a job and take care of myself. My parents told us a long time ago we stick together and thats it. I'm 19 living in Oregon and feel trapped. I'm not allowed to go hang out with friends or call them. I've never had a social life. I feel i should move out to have my parents get the perfect family like they wanted and I can be able to be happy. I know my parents love me but being told everyday how much trouble i caused this family and how I'm nothing like my brothers and fat even though i can do flips off walls and break bricks. So I'm looking for some options. I feel its my life i choose what to do but my parents say its there blood and skin thats part of me. I can't talk to my parents openly unless i want to get yelled at or take the feeling i'm lower then scum for just forgetting to turn the heat off in the restroom once. any ideas?
awww....mebe its just a rough patch you going through at the moment...?? from what your wrote it does seem your rents are very protective of you...not allowed to call/go out with friends.. just make up reasons to go out then..like going to the library or something....then just hang out with them...or say you got group work to do... but anyways you shouldnt feel the need to move out so they can have a 'perfect family' as without you then the family can never be 'perfect' anyways as your a part of the family....whether you feel as if you arent... you say your 19 so im a guess your off the college soon as well right?? or you thinking of not going to college??.....well if you do go to college then surely you can move out as well.... hope your situation improves...try not to dwell on it too much
I was in college, i tried biology and that didn't turn out to well. I then did business and i got A's. And they were the ones who paid for my college cause thats what they said. I couldn't argue, then they pulled me saying its a waste and put me though other business related careers. They refuse me to learn herbal medicine. And no if i say something like that, they would say no. I can't go anywhere. when i was in school, i come straight home and study. if it wasn't for the internet and my drawings i'd probably go crazy. now that i'm not in school just studying to be a loan originator, i plan to move out to get a job in the newspaper doing graphic art like i did in high school the newspaper was ranked 1st in nation and my art was complemented. My father said newspaper was a waste of time. I know they care but when i talk to them its like I'm the most idiotic person to them.
the advice im about to give could be the worse ever, but its what i think: If your honestly that unhappy, you need to change your life... Forget about who your gonna upset in the process, cause its your life and do you really want to carry on the way you are now? I know no one wants to upset their parents or do something that could hurt anyone, but maybe given time they'll come to realise what you did was the right thing for you Are you sure your parents wont listen to you, if you have a serious and frank discussion about your life? have a go, maybe they will realise what you want
Middle child syndrome? No offence, enduring the nagging is one of the price to pay to be kept. Lack of freedom is another. This is especially true in traditional families, regardless of the ethnic background. While you will enjoy the freedom from moving out/away from your parents, are you going to earn your own keeps? Since I am assuming you are still in college, it will be difficult to juggle work (actual work which pays for your board and room) and school. You wouldn't necessarily enjoy a social life immediately since work and school will dictate your life. So if you are considering moving out, you may be needing a reality check besides the obvious advantage of "no more endless nagging".
Its not really just nagging though it may seem like it. I have sent things ready for myself to fall on. I have jobs already called and set appointments in and money saved up over the years for moving out and getting an apartment. I was in college, they pulled me out saying its a waste. Since they wanted to pay (i had no choice, they said they want to) I've also tried having an open discussion and it the talked ended up saying, i'm turning into a bad person and need to get your attitude fix and shape up. :\ not much i can really tell them.
Tried that once, was accepted in texas but parents ripped it up after seeing my mail and said i'm staying in oregon and the yelling started at how dumb i was for even applying.
After thinking for a while, yeah. I've decided to move out. I know my parents will disagree but i'm leaving with or without there approval. I packed my things and set plans in motion, now the thing is how should they get the news? If I tell them, they'll stop me anyway they can or just strip me of my things and push me out the door, my head is thinking worse case events here. I've thought of leaving a letter saying I'm moving out and will return to prove how successful i can become.
should probably balance your stuff out first before u think about moving out. gotta find an apartment at a reasonable rate, take into account all your food/transport expenses and things like furniture and monthly bills. you're probably gonna need a full time job to support yourself
since you have decided to move out, good luck. make sure that you really do have jobs lined up cause it's easy to underestimate how difficult it is to support yourself. i don't really have any ideas of how to tell your parents cause i can't imagine being in your situation, but would it be possible for your brothers to help you explain? or have your brothers tell them.. or leave a note i guess.. whatever way you choose, i would advise you not to do or say anything spiteful b/c it is still possible that one day your parents will come to understand your decision and there isn't any need to hurt feelings anymore. also, u can still try going to college wherever u move to, u will probably get a lot more financial aid if u apply as an independent. good luck
if u move out at a young age rite now then u're gonna b scrwed..unless ur bro is gonna b with u and there to support u......call up the texas skoool again cause i think skool is the best and reasonable way to move out..u're also getting a good education therefore u'll have a good job and don't have to go bak home
first get a job, make enough money and develop a better plan before even think of moving out lol.... you can move out, just make sure you don't regret it or have to regret it because you can't take care of yourself... Also you gotta learn to be independent first and don't say or think everything that includes a reference to your parents, cause that is not the sign that you can be independent imo.
imo, on your situation. you have to realistic. going out and fend for yourself is tough and may be equally as disappointing. are you a person so determine and so passionate on your goals that no one will stop you? no offense, i don't think so. but from what i've read you seem to rely on your parents and your family. and an immediate as crucial as cutting the strings of attachment to your shelter life can be devastating for you. like hiake explain. being on your own does not mean unlimited amount of freedom. true there will be opportunities for new experiences that were not permitted in your current situation;however, there will also be far more responsibilities and work. you're only 19 years old. hopefully, you won't be living in your parents house for the rest of your life. in all fairness, it is only temporary, probably for the next 5-10 years. so, suck it up. save up some money and work hard in school/work. then when the time is right. spread your wings and fly from home. -^_^
Can you try to finish your college first before moving out? Judging from your postings I know it must be very hard for you to live under the strict conditions of your parents but finding a well paid fulltime job at your age is even harder (I think) especially if you haven't graduated yet. When you're 21/22 years old and have finished your degree you can move out to find a job where ever you want, even if this means you'll get your parents upset. But if you do that you really have to realize you must succeed (=getting a job at least enough to supply your living expenses) so your parents can be proud of you. (even when they do not agree with the job you've chosen, but you can proof them wrong) BTW, have you tried talking to a family member or a good family friend? Maybe you can explain your views on the whole situation to an uncle/auntie you trust and ask him/her to talk to your parents as parents (from my own experience) often tend to listen to others first instead of their own kids because they think you're not wise enough to make your own decisions. And tell them to let you have some friends 'cuz it's not healthy to life without a social life at all, tell them it might be good for your future career to have a social network etc) Try to bear the situation and work hard now so you can throw your chains away when you're really ready for it.
Freedom is the cause that people in the world die for. Move out. Maybe if your not around your parents will start thinking bout what they have done wrong? but anyway your freedom is soo important and u said ur graphic art is pretty good so its not like u dont have any talent. It might be hard at first but man you owe yourself the right to hang out with friends
Don't have anyone close to the family who is that trustworthy to the family. Everyone in my family is like eehh don't trust anyone but blood but even that is scary path to walk. I'm leaving home on friday morning. What i have planned is that i go leave home and accept an offer my friend has, which is to stay with them till i get on my feet. An old friend and kind of close family with them, heck i was there on there wedding day ^^;;. But they said they don't want me to pay which seems odd to me but they said if i just enjoy life, like go to my first movie theater or go try some waffles and try things i missed out when i was younger. I made plans with Bankers life and casualty and got me a training course where i'll soon be living. From what they say they'll train me on a career best suited and get paid as i learn and work. once i save up enough I'll get my apartment and then reapply for school again. I know that i can't look back still i become successful in life. Hopefully then i won't fear of showing my face to my parents.
^Then since you have made up your mind, I hope everything turns out the way you want it to, and best of luck
