I can't believe I'm actually posting my relationship problems on a public forum but having read many of these threads. I believe many of you guys have real insight and wisdom beyond your years. BEWARE, THIS POST MAY BE A BIT LONG. So here's my situation. About 4 years ago I met this girl and in my opinion, I fell in love with her. When I first saw her, I thought she was cute and was initially attracted to her. However I was only about 15 or 16 at the time. Obviously I don't know whether it was love, infatuation or whatever. As I got to know her by talking to her online, I got more interested. Eventually I found myself doing stupid things like listening to corny love songs, and even making a website for her. OMG that was so corny!!! >.< Anyways, she is a year older than me and since I have never been in a relationship before I didn't know how to approach her. However I made it blantely obvious that I had feelings for her. I would visit her at her school whenever I got a chance. Unfortunately, being young, cowardly, stupid and naivee, I never was able to tell her how I felt about her. One day, she confronted me about it. Basically she told me that she knew that I had feelings for her and that she was waiting for me to tell her myself. Basically I responded with something to effect of, even if I had told her, what would have happen after that? She stayed quiet, and then I said something like "thats what I thought, nothing". But things didn't end there. Somehow we were able to stay friends. I forgot the details, all I remember was I was really mad at myself for not speaking up and was always regretful. Anyways since we stayed friends, we continued to talk and kept in touch with each other. But basically, we didn't see each other for a long time. Since we continued to talk, it was a little difficult for me to try to forget about her. Being that she was a year older than me, when I was a senior in high school, she was in college. She stayed at a community college and was still close to home. At this time, I was trying to get over her and although we still talked I no longer made any attempt to visit her. I guess I was trying to convince myself that I no longer had feelings for her so before I went to college, I saw again with a bunch of mutual friends. I guess I did this to test myself to see if I still had feelings for her. I was able to lie to myself and convinced myself that I was over her. I even told my friends I was over her. I went far enough for college where flying became an option. At first I was able to stop thinking about her. Plenty to do, a lot of new people to meet. I had fun and met a lot of cool people. Eventually, I started to think about her again. I was really happy to hear from her and everything. But I was confused to what to do. I tried to get over her by meeting new girls and stuff but all these girls that I was attracted to were just infatuations. I didn't do any stupid things for them. I didn't feel the same way about any of the girls I met like I did for the one that was back home. Although we kept in touch, it was just basic stuff. How's college, what you've been up to. Stuff like that. Everytime I try to ask about the past like asking her if she ever had feelings for me and stuff like that, she avoids answering the question. It seems like she just sees me as a friend. I came home for the summer, and I haven't paid her a vist yet. Though she's been in a different state for most of the summer. Anyways, she's starting school in a few days and I have stil have like 3 weeks of vacation left. Obviously I still have feelings for her or I wouldn't even be doing this. Last night I stayed up to 2 in the morning thinking about her. I was thinking of visiting her and telling her how I feel about her and that although it's been 4 years since we first met and I still think about her. Unfortunately, since I haven't made much of an effort to see her because unlike 4 years ago, I keep my feelings close to my heart. I've imagined the scenario of what would happen if I told her. I practice the words I choose to say. I've even imagined the possibilities of outcomes and I've narrowed it down to 3 general ones. A) she accepts me and tells me to kiss her. B) she is shocked and tells me that she needs time to think about what she's just heard. C) she is flattered but she's moved on and only see me as a friend. I haven't gotten any signs to show me that she still has feelings for me. Therefore I believed the most likely outcome is C. Seeing that I haven't really made an effort to try to become more than friends, I don't see how outcome A is possible. My question is whether or not it is too late?. Before I was unsure of my feelings for her but now I realize that I still care about her. Anyways, anyone have any advice?
Like you said most likely its C because she hasnt shown any signs of interest. Some people might say that its because shes shy, but I think its all bullshit. When a girl is interested she will show her feelings. She already knew how u felt about her, if she was interested she would of made a move. Its difficult to say if its too late or not because you can always rebound from this only if she is still single. The problem with it is that it might take some time. Maybe even years. The reason why Im saying years is because it depends on how much improvement u can make during this time. It means u have to see other girls, build up your confidence, improve your image, become successful and leave the girl alone. The mistake u made early on was not being straight forward on how u felt about her. U allowed it to drag on and when things drag on between a man and a woman the ending result is the friends zone. Females are not patient creatures when it comes to finding a potential mate. If she cant feel the chemistry or any romantic feelings then shes going to give up on you. The reason why she wasnt able to have romantic feelings for u is because u failed to show her how u felt. Im not saying u should of told her that u were in love with her, but show her that u were interested by asking her out on a date. Did u ever ask her to hang out besides just talking to her on the phone?? Did u build attraction while u were with her?? If u only did things a friend would do then shes only going to treat u like a friend. Are u confident that u can get her now compared to 4 years ago, if not than most likely u wouldnt be able to get her. If u do feel more confident in yourself then there is a possibilty. If this is the case I suggest that u ask her out and have a good time. Dont bring up anything about your feelings. Instead u should tease her, flirt with her, touch her. DOnt be afraid to touch her!!!! Show her that u have changed. If u dont think that u are ready then I suggest that u leave her alone and continue improving yourself. Make sure u date other girls. By dating other girls u will learn how to react to the things they do and at the same time feel more comfortable around them. I hope this helps. Good luck.
It's never too late....it's just a matter of does she like you or not! Just go visit her and assess the situation. Then make some akward eye contact with her =P
dude now that it's been 4 years and you've finally grew some balls... it's def time to ask her.. ask her not just to know if she's still interested but think of it as gettin a bit of a closure to your whole situation...
i think you should go and ask her as if you dont you'll carry on life thinking 'what if.....' and 'i wonder....' questions
Hey, visit her and let her know your feeling and move on from there. If you do not address your feeling to her, you will be forever wondering Is it A, B or C. Why living in the stage of wondering?! Visit her and whatever the outcome may be, Move on from there okay, goodluck
talk to her dude. uve gotta be a man! dun keep wut ever u have inside inside! sy wuts on ur mind dude, or u mite just regret it
I think he kinda did... I mean dude waited 4 years... having been apart for so long and both of you guys are in college... I would think she's def found someone by now..
dude go for it...go tell her...like everyone else said...you'll just be wondering the rest of your life...you have nothing to lose...she's your friend and if she knew how you felt she'll still be your friend...if not then you can move on gl!
Come on guys...u cant just go up to her after 4 years and tell a girl that u like her. In fact you dont tell a girl that u like her period until you get some positive feedback. Read the signs!!! The girl was never interested in him. Maybe when they first met but he managed to turn her off by his passiveness. She knows that he likes her but yet she didnt do anything besides ignoring the issue. A girl thats interested will show signs that shes also interested in the guy by showing signs. Yet she fail to do that, so that means shes only sees him as a friend. Dont u get it that once a guy is in the friends zone its difficult to get out. Telling a girl that u like her is advice that will work in the 5th grade. The girls in college now so technically shes a woman and females want to get turned on and feel the chemistry at that age. Leopold shouldnt contact this girl if he is still that passive guy that he was 4 years ago. Theres a reason why the girl didnt like him before and she still wont like him today if he stills behave the same way. Leopold, go and test the water. Find out if shes dating any one and make sure u go out on a date with her...cup of coffee, a movie, rock climbing whatever. Feel the vibe, if its a positive vibe proceed from there, If not then back off. Keep it simple. Dont talk about your feelings. Just test the water out This is reality so things dont work like it does in the movies. Passive guys do not get the girl in the end. Maybe in certain occaisions but rarely. U cant go in unprepared by not learning from your mistakes. u have to develop certain skills. It is still possible to get the girl at this point but only if she is still single. Hopefully the time apart will make her forget about the shy and passive Leopold of old, so she can focus on the new and more confident Leopold.
dude is hoping to sweep her off her feet and spark that lil romance they had after 4 years.. but really... he never really did find out if she was even interested in him... so even if you had the guts and went back 4 years... there's no telling if she was even insterested you.. =/
Exactly!!! Most likely she was never into him. It doesnt mean he cant sweep her off her feet now. What he has to do is reinvent himself. I have no idea what Leopold looks like or how college life has change him, but having a sense of style and being more outgoing will help. If he dated in college after he stop contacting this girl then that will also help build his confidence. If he still wants this girl he should just test the water out by going out with her. Where they go isnt as important as what he does and what he doesnt do. If he makes her laugh, flirt with her, tease her while not showing any indication that he's obsess with her then maybe she will be attracted to him. What he shouldnt do is say "I like you" Once he says that its all over for him and hes going to be back where he started and feeling even more depress because he was rejected. There are a lot of guys that have the guts to tell a girl that they like them, but if you dont woo them the right way or possess certain qualities that most woman desire then 9 times out of 10 you are going to get rejected. Confidence is the big key and with that confidence you need to build attraction. The best way to build attraction is by touching the person. Im not talking about groping. Im talking about putting your hands behind her back while you guide her through the door or put your hands on her lap after she says something funny or sweet. Hey Leopold, when was the last time u talked to this girl?? The longer the better, so she can forget about some of the things you did that turned her off.
