I know this post isn't about romantic relationships, but they are still about important relationships in a person's life Do you believe that friendships have a life span, that some friends can not be friends for life, no matter how close you are? Obligation friends - I have some friends that I feel obligated to keep in contact with them. Obligated in giving them presents every birthday and christmas. They complain that I ditch them, they complain that I dont talk to them anymore. And well yes I kinda did, but it is becuase i feel we dont have much in common anymore, and i have found other friends who have ALOT in common with me. I grew up, they stayed the same. They still sit around the tv and watched the similar shows we did when we were in high school and then fan all over them in an obsessive way. I admit I was like that in high school, but I am not like that anymore, and I dont want to sit around and listen to talk about this stuff. I like to go out and do stuff. I dont like ONLY watching tv, and that is all they do. They do this because they dont have much money to go out bowling or to eat at restaurants, so they always stay in and eat fast food (if they need to go out to eat) since it is the cheapest. Am I suppose to feel guilty because I have money? I have a job, I'm making my own money, I work hard for it. Am I not allowed to enjoy it? They expect me to always to drive because I have money for gas. One time I asked, "well I drove the last 5 times, can you drive this one time", and she actually had the nerve to ask me for money back for gas for a 5 mile trip. Another time I bought groceries(together) for me to cook dinner for them, but they were suppose to pay me back, that was the deal(normally i wouldn't care but If you are going to calculate money to the exact penny with me, I am going to do the same back to you) one of the friends actually walked up to me th next day and said, "can you not ask us for money back because we dont have any". Although I watched them splurg on themselves the day prior. The thing is, 99% of the time that I spending with them, i'm actually bored out of my mind. But if I dont hang out with them they complain. They complain a lot and I am always the bad person. So i go and hang out with them to make them happy. Do you guys have friends like that? If so, how do you handle the issue?
this post was actually twice as long perviously, but i deleted a lot and changed the title of this post to one specific group of people before i hit the submit button before the this post was dedicated to more people some people I have LARGE issues with but in the end, I took those people off the list, because even though I have LARGE issues with them, I ALSO have a great amount of trust with those people, and Have lots of fun with those people, whether we agree on certain things or not. with these other people half of the time i hate them, but half the time I LOVE them, which is enough of a reason to stay true friends with them
smallrinilady, with the two examples that you had used: food and gas. You hit upon a trait that is very characteristic of a group of people, these are the traits best avoided as you may eventually find it too overwheming and it WILL: people who think that you are cheap but at the same time think that they are worthy (as shown by that expect you to drive for free but want money off you), I see so many examples of people wanting $1 off me but the same people expect me to forget the $1 when they owe me, a variation of this theme is that a person likes a bargain at the expense of someone else. From what you have written allow me to advise you that you need to gradually build up friends who can share and care (give and take). Don't wait till these people start to earn the money to favor you in return as they probable wouldn't. You may find yourself disappointed that the moment these people have more money they spend it on anything else than you. If you are easy going and carefree and easily forgiving then continuing to hang out with these guys in moderation, on the other hand if you are beginning to get sensitive about them (that's why you are writing your feelings here right?) then I really suggest that you start to build new friends who have a heart to care and share. Those guys that you wrote about are what in the old adage: chicken hearted people (and I certainly would not cook them Coke Chicken, for God's sake) or one who squeeze you dry like a sponge. In Thai folk saying: some heads give out energy and some heads absorb energy like a black hole, if you are beginning to feel tired and lacked energy then move away from the black holes. If you are a giving person, meet with other giving persons, then you will find so much is given and shared that all of you will be happier. ( When I mean "give" this includes money, listening, care, support...).
well these are first groupf of friends that i met iin at college and within one year i started making other friends, ones that i am more like but the older friend want to stay a 'clan' and 'group' but these older friends always call me back for birthday (they always try to throw a birthday bash for me too), and whatnot and then ask me favors once in a while as a friend (trying to be a kind person) i do things for them so even though i hang out other friends 90% of the time (which pisses them off) they think i'm evil that i ditched them one of the girls actually refuses to talk to me anymore i mean REFUSES they try to invite me to hang out with them, becuase i guess they still like me they aren't always asking me for favors and when i do hang out with them, i'm SOOO bored
smallrinlady, you gotta admit, you got the shit at the end of the stick as friends. C'mon, no one likes cheapskates like them. I've encountered a couple "temporary" friends whom are cheap and I noticed instantly, which is why I stopped hanging/talking to them. You've GOT to drift away from them and hang out with better people.. you get NO benefit at all by sticking with them. It sounds like the only reason you're sticking with them is because you don't want them to think of you badly (as a ditcher or whatnot). Move on, let them waste their lives watching television, eating cheap food, not working, etc. This may sound harsh and cold-hearted, but it's the truth. It's got to be done, you can't deny it and you know it. Think about the heaven-life AFTER ditching the bums.
In my opinion, it's no excuse not to hang out with someone just because that person is out dry. Maybe he/she is really in need of a friend to tide him/her over. That's what true friends are for anyways. be there when a friend is in need. Having said that, true friends wldn't be leeching you dry either. you know the situation more ... you be the judge if they are real friends or leeches. It is my firm believe that if you are not happy hanging out with certain people, then you do not have to. It is your free time; you should always do whatever that makes you happy.
yah i have the same situation. All my friends thinks i'm the ATM. they always ask me for money, like a quarter and such, i know its not that much, but like every other day, it adds up. I decided to say i don't have any, then get all fussy. when we hang out, they always want to come over my house cuz i got food and things to do. but i don't know i feel like they are just using me and such , so i decided to work after school and suhc, which gave them no choice but to find another place to hang out. We still talk in school and stuff, but we never hang out anymore. foruantly, i made new friends at the place i work at. so if i were u, find new friends and forget about ur old friends, and tell them up front as to why u don't want to hang out with them anymore, or they will think u think u are too good for them.
If i had friends that used me or wanted all my time then they really aren't my friends. Gotta ask urself are they ur friends cause ur easy to use or are they ur friends cause they like u for u? If u stopped helping them would they still be ur friends? If u know the answers to these questions then u know if they really are ur friends or not. Keep friends that u can trust and that u want to help not feel the need to help. Other then that i don't keep any friends that use me that way and most of them understand that if i don't have time for them its okay cause ill spend time with them later or theres something that i really need to do thats more important. Its hard to find good friends in life but like anything else if u do then ur set.
smallrinilady, life is to short to be bothered with ppl u don't want to be around. being friends shouldn't have anything to do with 'feeling' obligated to do something with them or for them. i had a friend like that. she wasn't just a casual friend. we were good good friends. but it just came to a point where i had to cut her off. with my close friends, i don't usually count money when we go out cause it's sort of a, "u pay for me" and "i'll get urs next time" sort of thing. but she was simply too much. this one time, she called me and asked me if i would go to timmy's with her. i said i didn't want to cause i was tired. but she nagged me into going. so i went. when we got there, she bought food, i didn't get anything, then she turns around and says to me "will u pay? i didn't bring money" i was so stunned that i jsut stared at her. i paid cause the girl behind the counter looked like she was gonna kill us soon if i didn't hand over the green. (she bought 22 dollars worth of food---> from TIM HORTONS!!!) anyways, she drove me home afterwards and when i was just about to get out, she asks me to pay her back for gas for picking me up and dropping me off. i asked her if she was kidding and she said no. i told her i didn't have any money left and for her to take me to the nearest ATM. when we got there, i told her that since we were already here, she should go and get money to pay me back for timmys. the look on her face was priceless. she knew she had been duped. she took out the money and gave it back to me. i then gave her 3 dollars for gas and told her i'll get someone else to drive me home. that was the end of our friendship that day. i didn't bother with her anymore. this incident was just the last straw for me. she thinks that jsut because my dad owns a restaurant (small tiny family business), that i'm loaded. i work for my money (and yes, i actually do work and not just sit around all day) and unlike her i don't go blowing it on crap. she always comes to my restaurant for food. i've never taken her money cause i figured we were good friends so what the big deal? this one time she ordered food for her whole family (i made her pay for that--feeding one person is different from a whole family--besides my father would kill me, hehe) anyways, she asks me if she could have a couple of pops (i figured she meant 2) so i said yes--and she took 7!!! these are jsut some of the stories. i just got to a point where i just did not want to bother with her. i mean she was a good friend in other aspects but i honestly think it comes down to whether overall, is it really worth it? are these ppl really friends with u because they truly want to be friends with u or cause they know being friends with u means advantages for them? don't feel bad or guilty smallrinilady, u gotta look out for urself. cause if u don't whose gonna?
Hahaha, she probably "Super-Sized" her meal and added in anything that'll chip in extra costs knowing that you'd pay for her. Then she deliberately makes wrong turns and shit to make the trip home the ever more longer so she can ask for more money from you. Anyway... Jesus christ! How the FACK do you people make shit friends like that? I have never came across someone as despicable and cheap as the one you have described, lee-lee. smallrinlady, learn from lee-lee. He/she instantly ditched the asswipe of a friend due to the cheapass-attitude, EVEN though lee-lee thought they were good friends. We should really rename this thread and make it "Cheapass so-called friends" or something.
I´ve got some friends I´ve known for ages but we dont keep in touch anymore, we were friends from high school. I was really trying to keep in touch with them but because of the distance we couldnt. And I got new friends when i went to secondary school and now, we havent talked for ages becuase most of them are studying (and me working). And now I work, I got new friends. Later I will study abroad and I will loose my all friends from here and get new ones. Kinda sad but happy at the same time that I can meet new people. But I dont think you can keep your friends forever. From high school you got friends, and then secondary school and then university and then when you work or study abroad. As my situation, cant keep all my friends, especially those from school.
thanks, it's kinda interesting. when you hear a story/problem from another person, you have your opinions and want to offer your advise but then realize how close to home the situation is for you kinda thows a new spin in yourthinking thanks for sharing your story
I've never come across any friends like the ones mentioned....it's like they have such thick skin...and don't know when something is TOO much. However, I do have friends that i don't hang out with as often as I used to back in grade school. They're good friends, but it seems like I have to treat everytime we go out. I don't really mind though, since I offer. They would never deliberately make me pay for stuff and I pay for stuff because it seems like anything you want to do, it costs money, and i don't want to ruin the moment by having them tell me, "sorry, I don't have any money. You'll have to go without me." I have a little rotational system that i do when I go out with friends, where I go "out" with my friends that have jobs, or at least some sort of income that they can use to provide for themselves, and I hang out casually with my older buddies. When we hang out, it's still fun, but we do things that don't require money and sometimes it does get a little boring, but i think it's nice to know that you can manage your social life and not have to dump your old friends just because they don't have money.
