Hello all! I just want to share a little experience of my past and to ask your opinion whether what I have done during my teenage years is correct. Besides, this issue could be a good discussion thread. Please only proceed reading if you have the extra time because this issue may seem silly at times. It goes like this.... I first met her, W, during my schooling years. She has an average look but has a good personality. There is something about her which I don't know what till now, that attracts me to her. If there was any opportunity, I will try to have a small talk with her and I have always treated her nicer than any of my other friends. The more that I got to know her, my feelings for her developed deeper as well. Slowly, I begin to realised that I have fallen in love with her. Call me old fashion or whatever, but during my schooling years, I have always put my studies above anything else. Therefore, I told myself that I will only try to start a relationship with her only during the last schooling year. So, during this time, she just treated me like any other friend even though she knows I am treating her slightly more special. I have another guy close friend, C, who likes to flirt around with girls. Somehow, W starts to grow fond of C even though C would never have wanted a girl like C. Then, W starts doing the unthinkable by making the first move on C. She will always try to get C's attention and she had even invited C for the year end prom night organized by the students. Of course, I was heartbroken and felt painful in the heart. This is the first time I felt like this. I lost my appetite to eat and had trouble concentrating on my studies. Then, I told myself that I had better try to forget her and so, I started distancing away from her. It took me over 6 months to get over her. As for W, she had failed to get C's interest and was slowly keeping away from C. Then, she started to try to get close to me again. However, at that time, I have lost most of my feeling for her already. So, I decided that I will treat her as a friend only and nothing more and this status continues right after my final schooling years till now. Nowadays, when I have nothing else to do, my mind will start to wander and think back on my teenage years. What could have been if I had acted differently? There are two questions which are still bothering me till now. Is it acceptable for a girl to chase other guy and then when she failed, she try to get close to you? Second, doesn't that means that I am actually second best compared to C in her eyes? Well, that's about it. I may be silly or immature to think about this kind of things but feel free to give your comments and how you would have acted if you were in my position. Thank you.
Did you ever think of blending in your studies with her? - And no it's not silly or immature to think of something like that. Maybe you lost the happiness you could of have, if you guys went out. It seems like you concentrate on school work hard and etc. Therefore I think you can handle a girl with education as well. There's always a lost in a gain, and a gain in a lost. I would see this as an even tie. You lost her in the past, but you have gain back the educational grades(let's say good grades?). If you went out with her then you saved yourself from all the drama and etc. Do you still see her?
Just my first thoughts after reading your post.. : First of all, the past belongs to the past.. nice to remember it once in a while.. but dun dwell. Second, there is no way of predicting what would happen even if you did acted differently. However.. you might be able to learn a lesson or two from this.. and move on. As for your last 2 qns.. perhaps you shouldn't think of it as 'who is better'. Maybe at that time, she was just more attracted to ur fren. And dun make urself sound like a spare tyre.. haha.. But hey, even if that was the truth, how does it help? Will it make you feel better knowing that you were her spare tyre? Sometimes, certain things are beyond our control, and hence thinking abt it will not help.. but make you feel more miserable.
if she likes u now why don't u give her a chance... if u think about it as being second best ull never be able to enter a relationship... girls are going to have past partners and boyfriends.... peoples preferences change over time ppl grow n mature .......in my opinon i believe in fate.... if its meant to be its meant to be.......u can look at it as it was meant to be...... u said u would wait but that doesn't mean she has to wait too...n now that ur ready ... shes right there.....
Don't give the girl a chance if you are wondering if you are 2nd best. It just won't be good for either of you. You'll always end up thinking what would have been (like you're now), but with the other guy... if there is someone better for her... etc. Possibly getting yourself into a slippery slope of thoughts. Unless you're confident enough to KNOW that you're awesome, leave her be. Your "is it acceptable" question is ridiculous to be honest. If you get dumped by a girl, does that mean you'll never ever date anyone again? Unless you're answering yes, then don't hold her to a double standard. She was talking to you first, meaning she gave you the opportunity first. You lost the girl because you didn't know how to get her, not because some flirtatious guy butted in. Treating a girl "slightly more special" generally doesn't do squat for making a girl fall head over heels for you. I would have grabbed W before C even showed up into the picture. Focusing on your education does not mean you have no social life. You should have asked her out every so often and gave her the time of her life every time (this does not mean becoming bf/gf by the way). Because W went after C, you lost concentration in school anyways, so now you know your reasoning for not getting with her then and there was a horrible one. Try not to let it happen again So if I were you now, I'd build some confidence so that I wouldn't doubt myself with these kinds of questions ever again.
^ Wow, AVANT wiped out the tongue lash of a life time It is true. The whole guessing game (which is partially what you were doing) is totally unconductive to EVERYTHING. You cannot concentrate on anything, putting half your mind on her and half your mind on your education... it's not fair to neither of the two. And the sad thing is? You would have been better off if thing went differently. But regretting it does nothing to you now. So accept your past regrets and mistakes and leap into the future I am sure you'll find the right girl...
