I have been friend with this girl for 6 months. I like her a lot but I know she has no interest in me. All I have been doing with her was to treat her like a friend. We talked a lot on the phone and we texted each other a lot for the past few months. We shared and talked about almost anything. I did confess that I had a crush on her in the past and I told her that right at the very beginning when we first spoke to each other. I never did anything else since then and just acted like a friend. We got to know each other and talked to each other a lot over the past few months. At first just we mainly talked on the phone and texted each other everyday.. in a non-romantic way of course. For the past 2 months, we started to meet up more often for lunches, drinks and even grocery shopping. I never acted inappropriately in front of her. I did give her compliments like she looked beautiful once a in while when she looked extra nice that day but only in text messages. Anyway, one day she told me that she felt I have been treating her more than just a friend. Earlier on that day, while I was talking to her on the phone, she said she was at a bookstore. I was nearby so I dropped by to say hi. She was stunned that I did that and she looked really uncomfortable. Later that night, she told me she isn't comfortable talking to me anymore so she asked me to stop calling her. She said we can still be friends and she will call me after a while when she feels more comfortable. What can I do now? I tried email her a few times with my explanation but she didn't reply. We did spoke on the phone once afterward and she just didn't accept any of my explanation. For example, she insisted that I went to see her on purpose at the bookstore. She told me she had it with me and she can't stand it anymore. She did tell me that we can be friends again but she asked me to give her time. We did exchanged email and a few simple text messages since then. But her replies were mostly "thank you", "thanks for sharing", "thanks for your suggestions". She will not reply to any messages that I sent her with my apologies nor explanation. Any suggestions on what I can do to repair our friendship? I really would like to get her back as a friend.
lol you don't want her back as a friend, you want her back so you can continue to try to woo her. From her perspective she probably thought this was fun at the start just to have someone to talk to, but she had no interest in actually seeing you physically at all. Sometimes all a girl wants is someone to tell their problems too. At this point she probably sees you as a stalker, and you still see the potential for something more with her. I'd say just let it go. If she has no interest in communicating with you further then what's the point? You've expressed your thoughts on the issue and she has clearly decided to stop talking to you. Focus your attentions elsewhere, there are billions of women in the world. If she decides she would like to talk to you again she'll know how to reach you. Also, girls hate desperate and clingy guys. You're just digging yourself further into a hole.
^ exactly. It's pretty obvious that "she's just not that into you" (isn't that the title of a movie?). If being a friend is all you want, then it wouldn't have bothered you so much that she refuses to talk to you. A friend is about being there when she needs you; not pushing yourself into every aspect of her life or try to be "bf" material! Get over it ... you have confess to her that you like her ... nothing happened then. Why should it happen now?
Yea that was pretty creepy. In fact even as a dude, when a girl does that it gets pretty creepy. I had that happen and I was like... nope nope nope
heres what u need to do when u meet a girl u like within the first encounter "i like you" "can i have your number?" maybe if you have sparks, both of the above and "wanna hang out next time?" rather then waste time be direct and stick around only if you get unsure answers meaning the girl may be interested in you or playing hard to get or she has other issues at the moment. Being shy about it is a rookie mistake, so be direct and get over it so the sooner u do the quicker u can move on without any emotional attachments. everyone gets rejected and it may hurt ur ego/pride the first time... but there are billions of people on the planet and at least 10000 will say yes to you somewhere.. people don't take action because they are afraid to fail... and this is extended beyond dating too. regarding your post.. it seems like u creeped her out when u showed up in front of her... u hung around the friend zone for too long and shes noticing that u are creeping her by going past the friend zone... it's like having your teacher suddenly put his hands down ur pants.. she likely feels betrayed scared.. sounds like a hard hole to dig out from since you've never dated each other and maybe she has no real emotional attachment to you... you should fess up tell her you like her and being stupid and don't make excuses and say you were wrong (these are the hardest words anyone can say literally and it surprises alot of people to make them forgive).. if she has no emotional attachment to you then there's nothing you can do because friends come and go..
You're acting a bit too clingy man, also she wants some time alone and you bombard her with email and messages. If you want to repair this friendship, you have 2 option, wait for her to contact you back. Or disappear for a while then randomly pop a message how have you been. And when i mean disappear for a while, i mean by 2 to 3 months of no contacting her.
Do you see the red highlighted words? That's the social equivalent of Chernobyl. And yes, you did see her on purpose; ie. nobody dragged you there but you. Next, this is something that's obviously been brewing for a very long time, ie. "she can't stand it anymore." IMHO, back off, OP. The next thing that's going to happen is two cops show up at your door and take you in for stalking. Face the fact that she is NOT your friend nor does she think of you as one. Further, you already know "...she has no interest" in you. So why do you insist on hanging around her and cramping her style? Who knows? Maybe she's out trolling for guys to pick up and you're ruining it for her. You keep talking about, "...just acted like a friend, ...in a non-romantic way of course, ...never acted inappropriately in front of her" yada yada yada, blah blah blah... Like who do you think you're fooling? You're not fooling me; but more importantly, you're not fooling her either, that's why she's creeped out. Wake up and smell the coffee; you're not wanted so get lost. What is the crux of the issue here is whether you're mature enough to deal with that reality. My advice to you is, stop the texting, the calling, the "apologies" and other keeping in contact just for the sake of "friendship" bullshit, because there's really nothing there. Sorry OP, it's probably the polar opposite of what you wanted to hear, but that's my honest assessment.
Tell her you are GAY! and you just wanted to be one of her girlfriends! This way she knows you have no sexual intentions with her, and you got what you want "A FRIEND"
Fuck it. There's plenty of girls out there who might like you so try elsewhere. Is this like the first girl you liked or what? You'll experience a lot of rejection sometimes before getting acceptance so just move on.
She sounds like she is over reacting but i think you should stop calling her/email/text etc. she clearly just want to be friends with you and time will heal it so just give it time and give her space.
I think you would find all the comments and replies here has all the answers. You were clinging onto the hope that you would appeal to her given the time. You hoped that the friendship and get to know each other will eventually lead to a relationship, but this is not always going to be the case. Certainly she thought nothing will happen apart from being friends at the beginning. Girls loves attention, and an admirer giving unlimited attention is a nice thing to have, as long as it is not going to hurt..so that was why she responded to your friendship at the earlier exchanges. My guess is that things have changed since your bookshop incident. It might be she thought you were stalking, or came too close to be comfortable. Or even she found someone she liked and wanted to ensure you were not in the way of progress. Regardless, it is quite clear whether you have over stepped the mark or not, she had made up her mind and do not want you to bother her for now. So if you were to respect her as friends would, you should allow her to be in her most comfortable state..meaning leaving her alone for a while. No more calls, texts, emails would be better for now. The more you contact, the more negative impact you will create for her. So let go..and let nature takes its course. Do not push and let things happen. Maybe friendship will find its way back to you in the future..but by trying too hard now will probably obstruct future resumption of friendship if there were ever a chance later on. What you must realise is that you have no chance, and she have no interests in you whatsoever..not now..not after knowing you for a few months..maybe never. Hard to accept sometimes, but you have to know this. So do you still want to be friends?? Just knowing nothing will happen will you want to be friends? Even if you can convince yourself to accept you can only be friend..can you accept seeing her and bf together later on..cuddling and kissing sweetly in front of you?! Esp if you are still single and on your own? Is it not better to just let it go..friends or not?
IMHO, a lot of guys tend to conduct themselves with computer gamer attitudes; they're used to listening to a preamble for a scenario of impossible odds, but they, the gamer, despite these hopeless odds, nonetheless prevails at the end; that's how computer games always work. There's always a satisfying ending or else publishers won't be able to sell any games. Unfortunately however, life isn't ever as cooperative. Good guys (ie. the I, me, or us of life's equation) very often lose, ...and badly. It isn't anything that people ever like to entertain but it is what it is. So when an object of our deep desire or affection says, "you lose" there's always a knee jerk reaction to want to try another attack; a conditioned "do over" strategy that is possible in imaginary games, but almost never in the game of life. It lends special poignancy to the adage, Life's a bitch and then you die.
First of all, thanks everyone for the suggestions. During the first month, I did send her a few email to apologize. She never replied to any of the email when the context was that topic. If the email was on something else, she sometimes will reply with "thank you" or "thanks for sharing". I did receive an email from her regarding my apology. She replied back with one line "daz was in the past, and you have apologized so many times. No need to say Sorry!". I wonder what that means. Does it mean she forgive me or worse... she told me to move on? Well, two months had passed since what happened. I do try not to contact her and keep my distance. A week ago, she called me but she was looking for a friend that I was with at the time. I texted her that same night because I heard some good news about her. We ended up exchanging text messages for an hour that night. About two days ago, while I was at a friend's house, she came by and I ended up talking to her for about 20 minutes. She acted normal and it wasn't awkward or anything. We just talked but I noticed she avoided talking about herself or ask me anything about me either. It feels like there are boundaries all around us now. We used to talk for few hours a day and exchange text messages at night. Sometime we spoke till 4am few times a week. I guess those days are gone now. What do you think? Is she still thinking of me as a friend or she is just trying to be nice to me? My guess is that I ran from being a close friend to just an acquaintance to her now. Should I still continue to keep my distance and wait for her to contact me? I have no clue what she is doing. I do still want to be a friend with her. yeah.. i know.. This is going to hurt someday. Someday, I will see her being with someone else. I can accept that. She means a lot to me as a friend.
Well you can't expect anything else at this point. And you can't expect to "wait for her to contact" you. I'm sorry to say, it's game over. Here's what you need to do. It's not her that needs some time aware from you, it's you who needs some time away from her. Here are some clues as to why I think you're still attached to this girl, and need time away from her to forget about her: - You keep apologizing as if to repair and bring back something, in a quite obsessive manner. And this is scary to girls. - You hope for her to forgive you, and look for signs of her forgiveness. - When she was looking for a mutual friend, you happened to be in company, and so the encounter is "forced". She's forced to chat with you, and avoids personal conversations. - You dwell on "we used to talk for a few hours a day and exchange texts" etc. And now you still cling to hope that she would contact you again, and still be your friend. - Most importantly: "I will see her being with someone else." OP, you're not in the wrong to like her. But your initial approach was an unfortunate mistake; a mistake many dudes have made. Now what you need to do is to stop dwelling on this girl, treat this as a learning experience, move on to other fish and not repeat this mistake. And also, I'm sorry to say, don't expect things to return to the way they were. That's not going to happen. I've had times I wish things returned to the way they were, but the reality is, it's not. We've all made embarrassing blunders, we learn to suck it up, learn from it, and move on.
Ditto to what Dan stated. But let me put it this way, OP; why are you doing what you're doing? You're doing it because you like her. Hence, if she had liked you, then you would expect that she would likewise be doing the same shit to you; the apologizing ad infinitum, the making of small talk just to keep in touch, the feigned politeness, et cetera; all of which you seem to want to keep on doing. But she ain't, not by a long shot. Or, let's put it as blunt as a two by four, if she liked you, she would be all over you like white on rice; she ain't. Girls aren't conditioned to say, fuck you, loser, go away. They dance around a topic, drop non-confrontational hints but guys sometimes are still too thickheaded to see the rejection for what it is. IMHO, you're STILL clinging to the 'do over' strategy when it's already game over. Why do I say this? Just look at your latest gamer strategy question: Seriously, dude; just let it go.
Yep.....it's pretty much done and over. By the time you emailed so much and she finally reply saying stop saying sorry. Thats really much all thats left. Dont even bother with calling or texting or whatnot. If she really did care, then she would look for you. She seems insecure of herself, so things wouldn't work out anyway. But like how the others said.....too clingy. Being surprised that you passed by the bookstore and she decided to not talk anymore, yeah she prolly thinks youre a stalker. Even though that was not the intent.....again she's insecure of herself. If she's like that let her fuk up someone elses life, don't let her get to you.
What I find really hilariously pathetic about this is the OP's inability or unwillingness to face reality, even as he clearly recognizes and speaks of it: Not awkward? LOL... IMHO, he wouldn't know awkward if it bit him on the nose.
Well for the sake of helping OP and not just criticising the poor man, OP check out http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction. They will at least list some of the fundamentals.
Thanks everyone for the comments/suggestions. I agree with what most of you have said... it's time to move on. sigh.. then again, she called me 6 times yesterday and I ended up meeting her in person and we spoke for an hour. She was quite sincere the whole time. We never talked about what happened but then again, I don't know what is going on either. Should I even ask?
