A friend who is a girl but not my girlfriend just broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years. I want to her but should I wait for a while? We have a good rapport and we've been texting like crazy since this happened. Should I wait in case the break up doesn't take? Or wait until she is out of this vulnerable phase. There is a risk that she is waiting for me/expecting me to show my hand and may move on and miss my chance. I play so many mind games. I fear I will mess this up with too many mind games. Help. Anyone. Please.
Kinda deep though taking advantage during this state because she will obviously not be thinking properly. Just wait till everyone is cool down because digging your foot into this 'relationship' is quite similar to cockblocking.
^^ yeah to expand on Kevin's post. Yeah because she was in a long term relationship, give her time. Do not go and ask her out to date or whatever. Don't overdo the texting either, one wrong word can really mess it over. Its good that she trusts you and feels comfortable talking to you. Just make sure you're there for her when she needs it, and give her space when she needs it. Just be the one she knows she can count on when she needs company. Over time she will move on and begin to see who means the most to her. When she's ready shes ready, suddenly going out with someone right away a break up, (if she's the compassionate type or girl) would feel like jumping bandwagon and thats not a good guilt to have. Just do what you've been doing, give it time, take her out here and there but dont make it obvious that you like her, just be sympathetic and listen to what she has to say etc...
meh... part of what Hartia says is right... but it's the easy way of getting ur ass in the friends zone deeper... you have to act NOW... but having said that, you have to do it cautiously... if you wait till she's out of vulnerable territory, it's over, but if you move in way too early, you will only be a rebound... during this time, show her ur dependable, trustworthy, but at the same time, still woo her... ask her out on dates at first to help her take her mind off the situation, then after a few dates, close the deal... the time frame is ONE to TWO WEEKS... by the second week if you can't close, /gg friend zone... btw, this only applies for girls 2yrs after highschool... anything before that, it's just whatever goes haha... essentially get whatever u can get cuz women are still sorting out their emotions at that point... fck mind games... just eye on the prize...
My girlfriend now was in a 10-12 year relationship before me. Showing signs and basically going out with her and it took about 2-3 months before i asked her to be my girlfriend. Just wait a little bit see how the background is with her ex. Most importantly what happened with her ex why they break up and just listen to her. Catch the main reasons why and dont make the same mistakes. Good Luck~
I've been reading all of your posts and want to say thanks for the feedback people. Nice to know you can always count on PA peeps for this sort of thing. It's kind of weird. You see we both work in the same office but on different teams. Our desks are about 15 yards apart but we hardly get a chance to chat or anything while we're at work. Occassionally we manage to catch each other as we are leaving. We used to flirt with one another very openly just for kicks, as it makes our colleagues go mental. I knew she had a bf at the time and couldn't really do anything about it, so it was just an amusing little game for us. But now it's like a major piece has been taken off the board and the game has obviously taken a more serious turn. I've noticed that she's still tweeting at her xbf. But I guess if they were together for ages that shouldn't be that weird, no?
she's still talking to her ex-bf = she still has feelings for him and it's likely she wants to get back with him or is actually still seeing him... She's playing a balancing act right now seeing who's the better option just incase her "ex" asks her to come back the first thing she'll do is dump you right away... Let me tell you she's not your option right now and unless you want nothing but a one night stand its better to avoid her for at least a long gracing period until she stops having any contact or feelings with her bf... i mean "ex" when couples break up it's usually not a real break up... usually they'll avoid each other and try to make the other person envy them and such and get back together.... This is why it's important to wait and see if she's for real or just likely waiting to get make up with him again.. She's talking to him means she's likely going to make up and 4 years of being together she'll have stronger feelings for him then anyone else. If she's interested in you more then him, she wouldn't be tweeting him esp after a break up!
@Hadouken. You make some good points and a lot of sense, something that I seem to be lacking in these days. I am almost certain she still has feelings and loyalty towards her xbf. I met him he seems like a wonderful guy, kind of the opposite to me in fact. We both know how everyone else around us feels/thinks but I'm still more or less in the dark about how she feels towards me. I'd sure like to know if she thinks it's just a game still. I think the best thing for me to do is not to alter my behaviour, even if I want to.
Hey PA peeps, **Update** As it turns out, she is a kind of a stupid bitch and her bf (previously referred to as xbf) is a total dick. I know how this sounds. It sounds way bitter. but allow me to explain... About 6 weeks after her "break up" I asked her out. It was Valentines Day, I even made her a card from scratch. She rebuffed me. I thought "ah well, I guess she's just not ready". I found out later that she'd reconciled with her bf and didnt bother telling me. But this is where it gets weird. He'd cheated on her with a man and then gotten back with one of his other xgf, spent xmas and newyears with her and then went back to the the original girl i was talking about. It doesn't really bother me that much that she's not that in to me, but the fact that she went back to him after all that really pisses me off. Dumb thing for me is, i like this girl even though i know i can do better.
bro, im was in the same situation as you. call her everyday. take her out on weekends and some week days. Dont be afraid to be rejected by her more than 3 times. once she knows you are there for her she will rely on you alot. Hang in there bro.
