being born under a strict chinese family my parents don't believe me or my siblings should date until we are about 22. I'm currently 16 now and in my first relationship (behind my parents back >.<). Right now I don't know what to do because the thought of sneaking around my parents isn't fair to them, my boyfriend or myself. I want to tell my parents but I don't know how to open up or start up the conversation. Anyone else have this kind of problem? Share your experiences about dealing with your parents when it comes to dating. What did you do? Did you tell them? How did you tell them?
Being that I've already moved out of my parents' house, they don't necessarily get to meet every guy that I date. My parents always know that I'm dating somebody, but they never know who I'm dating. They don't really ask because they trust the decisions that I make. I've only brought 2 guys home so far for my parents to meet. I only bring guys home to meet my parents when I'm serious about them, which, as you can see, isn't very often.
I don't know your parents, but I would guess that confrontation probably isn't the best solution. So let them figure it out, parents aren't THAT stupid When you go out, say you're going out with a friend. If they ask who, tell them his name. Once they know that you hang out with this one particular guy time and time again, they'll put it together. Just don't keep the BF away from your parents once they figure it out. If you do, your parents will probably think it's someone you know they would disapprove (which will only complicate matters). So if they ask about him, answer them truthfully. Lastly, at 16, make sure you're just dating him for fun and just get some experience with the dating scene. Don't think about "love" or making the relationship serious, it's honestly not worth it at this point.
I think you are too young to have a bf. Your parents were 16 too so that's the reason why you have to listen to your parents!!! ....
I think you should just be friends and not take things seriously at your age now. But at the same time it would be good to be open with your parents, rather than hiding the relationship, it may cause you more harm later on if they found out. By being open and honest they will be more likely accept it.
But that's the problem! If they even get the hint that I'm going out with a guy at my age they'll kill me for sure (well not literally but you know what I mean). Like I said, they don't want me dating until I'm 22 >.<. But yeah I'm not serious about the relationship or anything. We don't do anything past "holding hands" and we don't plan to any time soon either. But still, even though I know I'm not doing anything wrong (other then the lying part), I don't feel so good about keeping it from my parents. Mehhhh.... I guess I'll just go with teh flow and let whatever happen happen.
^ How old is the guy that you're dating? How old is your best friend? Have you slept with your boyfriend? Does your mom know? I don't understand fully why your mom is concerned the way she is. There has to be something that you've done or something that has happened to your mom for her to think the way she does. Trust is not earned overnight. As children grow up, parents worry more and more about their children. I'd have to say that when I was a teenager, my mom didn't believe a lot of the things that I said. The reason for this is that my sister lied a lot to her, so she put the lockdown on me. I tried to understand things from her perspective and tried to meet her somewhere in between what I wanted and what she wanted. As I included her on the things that are going on in my life, she started to trust me more, because she soon realized that I'm not as bad as she thought I was. I always let her know where I was, always gave her a time as to when I'll be home (and was always punctual). I didn't have anything to hide from her, and when she realized that, she kind of let her guard down a little more. So nowadays, my mom trusts my judgment and doesn't give me heat about most of the things that I do.
Think deeper. You know that they won't literally "kill" you. They just want to protect you. So what will they do? Either be overly strict with you (which will make you MORE rebellious in the long run), or they can accept it and keep some safe guidelines to follow. So make them realizing the only true option is to give support you with safer guidelines and appreciate that you're not trying to do all this behind their backs. If you still can't talk sense into them, send them my way, I'll help you out
woahh and I thought I had problems >.<. Good luck with everything though Lychee. =/ Haha I wish I could just send them your way! lol I don't know... This is my very first time being in a relationship. Maybe it's just that I think too much or whatever but everything happened so sudden. And to tell the truth I didn't actually like him before we went out. It was after he told me he liked me when I considered about whether I liked him or not. It's been barely 1 week into our relationship and I don't know...but I still seem to kinda 'regret' it. Why? 1) It doesn't feel right to be lying to my parents. 2) Whenever he's not around, it feels as though...I dunno...I still like being single...flirting around and playing around without having to be called anything or have any 'rules' I have to stick to or whatever. 3) I feel so 'ick' when being touched...even when it's just on the arm or shoulder or something...lol Do you think these are normal doubts in a first relationship?...
1. If you feel guilty for lying to your parents, then you should talk to your parents about it. Most parents do not want their children to have relationships while they are still in high school because it will affect their concentration, and most of the time, grades will slip if you don't have your priorities straight. But if you prove to them that you are able to keep up your grades and are responsible enough to engage in a relationship, they shouldn't have a problem with it. The times are changing. 2. If you prefer to flirt with other people while your boyfriend is not around, then i don't think you should be in a relationship. You're still supposed to be in your honeymoon stage, where you're all lovey-dovey with your boyfriend. You have to sit down and figure out if you really like this guy. You owe it to yourself and to him to figure this out. Like you said, you didn't like him before he told you that he likes you, so why the change all of a sudden? Is it just so you can say that you have a boyfriend? Get into relationships for the right reasons, not just because somebody is interested in you. You have to be fair to the person. There's no point in engaging in a relationship if you don't really like the guy. In the end, you're just going to hurt him by leading him on. Honestly, I don't feel that you are ready for a relationship based on what you've written. 3. Given that it's your first relationship, it's normal for you to feel weird when you're being touched. That's because it's all foreign to you; you've never been touched by other guys in a romantic way before. However, if you continue to feel uncomfortable being touched by this guy, then you will need to evaluate your feelings for this person. You're supposed to get more comfortable with the guy that you're with in time, and physical contact is a form of expressing your affection for a person, and oftentimes, it makes the bond between two people stronger.
Ahh, the chinese parents...Luckily, I've basically had no rules since I was 14... But one of my friends who graduated university still has a curfew of midnight...It makes me sick how parents can do that. Blackmagic, just openly tell your parents you're seeing this guy. "Hey mom, I'm going over to my boyfriend's house after school tomorrow..." And then try not to screw up anything for the next little while. She'll get mad and try to dissuade you from it...but don't get upset and don't argue with her...you just need to hold out for a little while (probably a month or so) to prove that you're responsible enough and in a little while, she'll come to accept things. Lychee, if your mom constantly says those kind of things to you, make sure you choose a university that is far away...so that you can live on campus and DO NOT go home except for Thanksgiving and Christmas. In fact, I wouldn't even call home more than once a month. Just say you're busy with an assignment due tomorrow or ignore her long distance calls...If your mom has to decide who you should date, she might as well decide what school you should go to and what you should learn and where you should work. Once you start school, you won't have to listen to her bs anymore. Parents just want the best for you, but they are not always right. Sometimes...you just have to break rules to get them changed. It's best to break small rules that you think they can easily handle and work your way up to bf/gf-level rules. But you have to be ready to face the consequences if things backfire. If your parents kick you out of the house(which they won't, and I don't think it's even legal to do so), can you handle it?
