Much as we like to bitch here at GamesRadar, 2008 has been an outstanding year for games. We’ve seen a regular stream of releases almost every month, even during the normally dry summer, and a lot of them have been fantastic. Of course, more games on the market also means there’s more horrible, misguided and just plain hideous box art to gawp at than ever before. True, it’s not as consistently horrible as boxes were in the old 8- and 16-bit days, but the torrent of low-end shovelware we’ve seen this year – particularly on the DS and Wii – has taught us to feel entirely new kinds of pain. And really, what kind of gaming website would we be if we didn’t share that pain with you? Above: In case you can’t be bothered to actually read the above headline or don’t know what “of 2008” means, here’s your stupid old Mega Man box. Now shut up Please bear in mind that, with a few exceptions, we're not actually making any judgments about the games themselves - just their awful, awful boxes. 20. Twin Strike: Operation Thunder (Wii, released Oct. 28) As much as we feel that “YEAAAH! HELICOPTERS! SHOOTIN’ MISSILES AT THE GROUND! BOOM! ENH-ENH-ENH-ENH-ENH-ENH! NYEEEEOOOWRM! BSSSHHHHHH!” is a powerful and time-honored theme, we can’t help but feel that this would look better if it were drawn on lined notebook paper. 19. Silent Hill: Homecoming (PS3/360/PC, released Sept. 30) We’ve seen some disastrous Homecoming dates in our time, but this dismal little scene might top them all. 18. Petz Rescue: Ocean Patrol (DS, released Oct. 28) Jesus Christ. Assuming the point of the game is to rescue marine animals from that guy’s rampaging dick, then kudos to you, box. You’ve done your job admirably. 17. Petz Dogz Fashion (DS, released June 17) It’s always been our position that a dog wearing sunglasses is automatically awesome, but then Petz had to go and tart up some dopey animals for the benefit of cooing airheads and we were proven wrong. 16. Shepherd’s Crossing (PS2, released Aug. 19) Um… What. (Hey, going back to the well once or twice never hurt anybody.) Rafa Nadal Tennis (DS, released June 30, 2007) Somehow, we managed to overlook Rafa Nadal Tennis in our rundown of last year’s worst box art. And we really don’t know how it escaped our notice, because hey, look at the guy. You already want to Photoshop something into that hand, don’t you? Yeah, you know you do. That’s why we went ahead and did it for you: Above: Umh mfffff hmphh glmphhhhh Classy! 15. My Baby Boy (DS, released Nov. 4) We may be going out on a limb here, but this stunted little homunculus is probably the reason we can find this game everywhere, but My Morning After Pill is consistently sold out. 14. Rubik’s World (DS, released Oct. 28) Yes, this is pretty much exactly what it looked like when we took our Rubik’s Cube, smashed it, bleached all but one of the pieces and spent hours meticulously arranging them in a stark, white room to convince a jury that we were insane at the time of the murders. But we don’t know why someone would make a game out of that. 13. Garfield’s Fun Fest (DS, released Aug. 6) Jon looks like something painted on the wall of a day-care center, Garfield’s feet are nowhere near that tiny and there’s brown everywhere you look. The only thing that would make this depressing little scene fun or festive is if it were tied to the end of a shovel and applied forcefully to Jim Davis’ face. 12. Kidz Sports: Crazy Golf (Wii, released Sept. 16) That kid’s got “date rapist” written all over him. 11. Command and Destroy (DS, released Feb. 16) These shitty, shitty flying saucers are the CG equivalent of the hubcaps on strings from ‘50s B-movies. Actually, hubcaps on strings would have been more convincing than these lens-flared saucers and Photoshop-filter planets, which together with that giant crosshair make the game look more like a cross between Space Invaders and Missile Command than the Command & Conquer ripoff it actually is. Left 4 Dead (PC/360), Prince of Persia Collector’s Edition (PS3/360/PC), Dead Space (PS3/360/PC) Close-ups of hands probably aren’t the best way to market a new game during the busy holiday season, but no fewer than three high-profile games decided that great big hands were exactly what buyers needed to see on their covers. How could this happen? We have a theory: Comic by Tyler Wilde Just, you know, repeated three times across three separate developers. From the Abyss (DS, released Aug. 26) Although there’s nothing compositionally or even aesthetically wrong with this, we’re troubled by the thought that somewhere, there’s an artist who has no idea that pants and belts aren’t the same thing. 10. Championship Pony (DS, released March 20) Championship Pony is watching you masturbate. OK, seriously? Take a look at these other pony games: This one’s dumb, yes, but it’s also colorful and happy and actively communicates the idea of “OMG PONIES” to its little-girl audience. This one, meanwhile, is a little creepier, and Wax Girl there seems intent on stuffing her fingers into her pony’s nostril. But it still has a relatively peppy vibe to it. Not like this: That’s one sad pony, and the floating stars that were half-heartedly added to the severe art and photos aren’t doing him any favors. This may be the only box art we’ve ever actually felt sorry for. 9. Wordmaster (DS, released Aug. 5) “Confucius say: ‘Nothing serr videogame about wold puzzre rike hollibre egg-shape lacist calicatule.’ Prease to buy!” 8. Safecracker (Wii, released Dec. 3) Achievement Unlocked: SHITTY 7. Bratz Super Babyz (DS, released Feb. 26) We know, we know: singling out the box art when the whole horrible concept is to blame is like picking on Quasimodo for having a lazy eye. But that still doesn’t make it right to squeeze a gaggle of fat toddlers into skintight costumes, slather them in whorepaint and teach them that words are pluralized with a “Z.” 6. Puzzler Collection (DS, released Aug. 5) “Family?” “Fun?” “Festive?” “Blast?” “4?” “8?” None of these words even remotely describe the boredom on parade here. SCORE International Baja 1000: The Official Game (PS2, PS3, PC, 360, Wii, released Oct. 28) Activision isn’t a publisher we’d normally peg as eager to deliberately confuse its product with that of a competitor, but it’s hard to draw a different conclusion when comparing the art for its Baja racer with that of THQ’s Baja: Edge of Control, released a full month earlier on Sept. 23. Look at them: the colors, models and even positions of the vehicles are all practically identical. It’s like the same image taken from a slightly different angle. It’s impossible to know what Activision was thinking here, but after a lawsuit from THQ, it finally relented and agreed to switch to a different packshot. That said, both of the above images were prominently on display the last time we were in a game store. So maybe the agreement hasn’t taken effect yet. Okami (Wii, released April 15) Nothing wrong with this, right? It’s pretty, it’s elegant and it gives a tantalizing glimpse of what the game’s about. It’s everything a box should be. But what’s that over on the right? Still not seeing it? Fine, we’ll make it obvious: For whatever reason, someone at Capcom decided that - instead of directly mining the company’s own considerable collection of Okami artwork - their box-art needs would be better served by grabbing a piece of artwork off IGN. Which might have worked out OK if they’d remembered to scrub IGN’s watermark out of the image. Instead, IGN was surprised, Capcom was embarrassed, consumers got free replacement covers out of the deal and everyone had a good laugh at one of the weirder box-art eff-ups in years. 5. Pet Pals: Animal Doctor (DS, released Feb. 5) Before we show you this one, take a look at the box for the same title on the Wii: It’s not exactly pretty, but there’s nothing really wrong with it. It looks like a kiddie game about helping animals should. This, though… This looks like the waiting room of Hell’s cruelest veterinarian. Waxy faces with shadowy complexions, looming angles and a grim color palette give the viewer an oppressive sense of claustrophobia. The stethoscope is easily mistaken for veins at first glance, giving that heart an uncomfortably realistic look. On top of that, there’s no way that particular combination of animals could be unrestrained, in an enclosed space, without a bloody mess ensuing in short order. And that trucker in the foreground is totally about to feed his rabbit to that dog. Bonus alternate caption! “OH GOD WHAT ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE DOING IN MY APARTMENT!?” 4. Backyard Baseball ’09 (DS, released March 25) No amount of grinning can convince us that the monstrous head of David “Big Papi” Ortiz and its floating cartoon sidekick aren’t about to bite our faces off and swallow them without chewing. 3. Kitty Luv (Wii, released Nov. 6) Congratulations, Activision: you’ve managed to tap into the collective psyche of every lonely little girl and sexually repressed office lady on the planet. Package it with a calendar, and the world is yours. 2. Air Traffic Chaos (DS, released Sept. 11) This box practically trips over itself in a mad rush to look ridiculous, but it’s worth taking a look at the multitude of exact points at which this airline disaster-themed puzzle game, released on Sept. 11, 2008, goes horribly wrong. We surrender the floor at this point to Nintendo Editor Brett Elston, who’s already done a bang-up job making fun of it: 1 – Chaos is the largest, most visible thing on the package. Again, airport chaos on or around 9/11 probably isn’t the smartest choice 2 – That airliner is doing a loop. Assume those people are dead 3 – The controller is announcing what he is, on the box, in case the huge title and plain image of an airport wasn’t enough 4 – Despite saying he’s an air traffic controller, his facial expression and nervous sweat drops indicate he’s faking it, which explains problem number 2 AND... 5 - ...the fact that this plane is SIDEWAYS 6 – And he has three fingers on each hand! 1. Imagine: Party Babyz (Wii, released Nov. 11) No. No! NO! NO! NOOOO!!! If you could somehow draw a picture of the sound made when a game journalist’s mind rips in half, it would look like this. If you could distill everything wrong with the casual-gaming movement into a single image – every horrible minigame, every half-assed “girl” game, every misguided purchase by a well-intentioned grandmother, every cynical piece of shovelware ever shat onto a store shelf by some fly-by-night cabal of predatory monsters - this would be that image. Also? “Babies” is misspelled.
