Trust and Friendship....

I used to think of myself as a forgiving sorta guy, but recently decided that I couldnt be friends with a very good friend.

The abbreviated version is that when I needed help from her, just to speak to her, she refused. There were reasons behind this, but it just left me feeling really disappointed and even though I wanted to be friends after that, I couldnt.

I lost faith in the friendship and felt that I cant trust her any more. I mean I helped her whenever I could, but in return she threw it back at my face.

Was I being selfish or "siu hay"??

She recently wanted to mend our friendship, but I didnt wana lie and told her that its just broken glass.

 

There had to have been something special about your friend for you to have been there for her whenever she was in need. Don't lose sight of that. A friend is a friend. You don't necessarily have to sacrifice as much as you used to, but it won't hurt giving the person another chance.

I considered this girl to be my best friend. At first, she was always there for me when I needed somebody to talk to or when something bad happened. In return, I was always there for her, and I always went out of my way to help her, like when she broke up with her ex n needed somebody to talk to, I'd go out to where she lived even though she was far away. anyway, I had a huge wake up call one night when something bad happened to me, and she wasn't there for me. I called her up, and she cut me off before I could even start and told me that her boyfriend was getting angry that shes on the phone. After that, I realized that things have changed. Then we started hanging out less and less, and nowadays, we rarely talk.

Ahe emailed me recently to ask me what happened to our friendship. I told her that we have different priorities, and we've got our own stuff to worry about. But no matter what, I'll still be there for her when she needs somebody, and I know that she'll be there to support me if I ever needed her.

 

lol you make it sound like friendships are hella dangerous.. well if ya can't trust her as a friend, then just tell her that. Be straight up, since she "refused" to help you in return. but then you gotta think if what your askin' her maybe outta line. Like askin' her to give you a blowjob or somethin' when you were stressed. But really being a good friend is just helpin' them, and not expecting anything in return. If the matter was important though and they leavin' you hangin', then really you got no business messin' with them.

 

I'm also experiencing a friendship problem.

Thing is, I'm not sure if I'm right to feel sad about it.

I suspect that my good friend is dating a guy in our group of friends. This is because she is always hanging out at his house individually (away from the group) and also getting rides from him (multiple occassions, before she would drive herself).

The thing is, I'm hurt that she didn't tell me about this. We've been good friends for years. I'm also confused by why she would want to keep her relationship with this guy a secret. Aren't friends supposed to always be open with eachother??

This has nothing to do with the guy, by the way...it's not like I like him or anything. But I'm definitely feeling sad about this. Even some feelings of betrayal. What should I do? Wait til she tells me or ask her about it myself?

Guys, please help me make sense of this situation. :(

 

Best Friend.
Friend.
Acquaintance.
People I sorta know.
People I don't want to know.
Girls on PA

In that exact order

Not meeting up to expectations = demotion. So if they WERE a friend, I'd still talk to them after as an acquaintance, they've just lost a lot of ground in my book. My friendship is earned, not given. I'd take a bullet for my friends tho, so few make it past the acquaintances stage

As for peachey... I'm sure your friend has her reasons for keeping it a secret. I generally respect people's decisions like that and leave them alone.

I don't expect my friends (which I value very highly) to be completely open with me, but I will be a hell of a listener when they feel the need to talk. My purpose as a friend is to help and support them. After all, I'm a busy bee and rather be doing my thing than to worry about others (when it's not needed).

So summary: I'd wait till she tells me

 

You're only suspecting that your friend is seeing this guy; it's not confirmed. Don't jump to conclusions and feel any animosity towards your friend based on your own suspicions.

I usually don't announce to my friends that I'm dating somebody... sometimes not even to my closest friends. I don't feel that it's necessary to do so, especially when I don't even know if things are going to be permanent. If I'm dating a guy within a group, I wouldn't want my friends to feel the need to choose between me and the guy in the event that things don't work out.

Just be supportive of your friend. In due time, she'll let you in on what's going on in her life. Perhaps she's just not ready at this point.

 

Better start investigatin' like Inspecta Gadget... Go Go Gadget Go!! -bday -whistle

 

friendship can be a very strong bond like water that cannot be broken or something very fragile like flowers that if left along will just fade away. it all depends on the people - whether they are willing to make a effort in maintaining the friendship. they are definitely times when a friend will bail out on a friend. but since your friend is trying to mend the friendship, why don't you give it a try again, just start over as regular, then slower build on the friendship again. so it depends whether you think becoming friends again with her will work with you or not.

 

Yea... in your situation, I would feel the same way. That is... I wouldn't consider that the friendship is any more meaningful. I think the most important part of a friendship is for it to be mutual. That is...both parties should be able to share concerns/disappointments/secrets with each other. If she can't be there for you when you have problems and troubles... I would feel like she really isn't your friend. I would try to give her a second chance though but you have to ask yourself whether you really think she can change or not.