When two people first get together, there's a lot of fast-beathing-hearts and blushes and passion right? Let's categorize this as romantic infatuation. After a few years, this feeling fades. There's no passion, no blushes, no heart-throbbing. So what remains and how to keep the relationship?What other reasons are there for a couple to stay together?
^It's called LUST. After lust, comes love, trust, affection, compromise. Those are the reasons to stay. Definitely not lust.
=.=" Ok, I didn't describe it too well. But I'm sure in a few years you won't wanna spend all the time with your partner the way you used to want to. You won't spend much time thinking about her either. So what reasons?
Affection and trust... and if you don't mind me being lame, a connection. If two person can remain connected on some plane, their relationship can be sustained. But if passion is the only thing that sustain the relationship... that can be problematic...
@jamien: Oic... The familiarity breeds contempt issue eh? Well I guess it's kinda common for some couples after some time to concentrate more on other issues (for eg. spend more time on career now that their relationship is stable or spend more time with friends bcoz their relationship is gettin mundane) Jz because I think less of my partner nowadays doesn't mean I feel less for him. I interpret a few years as stability in the relationship and stability isn't a bad thing. It'd give more time for the couple to maybe discover their own other passion in life, pursue their hobbies or more time on career etc. Well, as for me, I probably won't consciously think of my partner as much after a few years compared to the first year, but if I find myself bored of the relationship, I would probably do something to ahem revive the passion, inject some fun into the rlsp coz well, I like to have fun. But I wouldn't dump my partner jz because of that. In a way it's better. After a few years, I get so comfortable with him that I don't have to constantly think about him. Getting used to him being around is sth I would try not to take for granted though. And if you are askin for the reasons I would continue to stay, I'd second Hiake and may I also add the big L word.
No hiake, great reasons. Trust, connection, affection.... Will this be enough? Some guys just like having all the new stuff and since the relationship is old, the three reasons won't be enough? And what kinda stuff to revive relationship?
Eh hehe... I'm a girl, babyrain. They're great reasons for me but for some people it isn't enough. Just curious, how to revive relationships? Sounds like u got a few tricks up your sleeves. Hehe...
I'm jumping into this conversation and haven't had a chance to read all the prior posts, but I saw this post and wanted to respond. Guys are very easygoing and very easy to please. The one thing that will keep a guy's heart is usually through his pants. So if a couple wants to revive/spice up their relationship, try something new and different in bed. That usually heats things up and keeps the relationship strong. I know it sounds shallow, but in reality, that's just the way many guys are. If they get great sex, they are usually willing to sacrifice and tolerate many things...
@ribsandbbqbeef : O_O That sounds so so scary. But I guess fact is often times more scary than fiction huh... Any other tricks or tactics? What do guys like girls to do with them? Or for them? Except sex of course, ahem...
@Ribs & jamien: haha yup. That's one of the good ways to revive some passion/spice things up! and some others. Jamien dun u read Cleo? Ok usually the key is to make ur guy feel wanted again. Desired and appreciated. Remember when you first get together, you feel like the top of the world coz u feel ur partner wants u. So, those small lil things to make him feel appreciated, not taken for granted count. Give him lil' surprises, not necessarily haf to be something bought. Do some chores for him. Send him flowers (yes flowers!)@ his workplace/college or a nice lil' card. Do u guys live together? Pamper him once in a while, and bring back the fun again. I know some couples usually prefer to stay home after being together for a few yrs (to save money, lazy etc) well, plan some nights out again, maybe go for a nice dinner and movie and sth else that u both like to do. Find sth in common that u both enjoy doing and spend quality time together. Sooner or later u'll find urself fallin head over heels again with ur man. For me, i used to bring a stalk of rose and home made lunch to my ex's office ( i had to travel like 1 hour to his workplace) and he would beam all over. I like to plan surprises. And oh yeah, like martinj said, maybe go travel together. Not necessarily haf to be far-away. Some place local and nearby. Or maybe go for a picnic at the waterfalls... go to the beach etc. go for a nice fun outing, take some silly and/or romantic pictures...
@babyrain : Great ideas gal! Home made lunch sounds nice. I sent him some flowers before. He didn't like them. >.< Any recommendation of where to go? Me live in PJ, Selangor. And nah, we don't live together.
@Jamien: yalah.. teachin u all my tricks >.< Now the guys won't feel special nemore -lol There's even a special name for my home made delivery service... -er what kind of guy is ur bf? I think most guys would melt if their gf send them flowers.. -ann Uhm.. depending on wat you like to do and whether ur a Nature person. If u like fun, maybe Genting Highlands. If u like romantic, maybe Cameron Highlands? If u like nature, maybe to a waterfall (i forgot the name atm.. but ask ur frens they shd know) or beach (port dickson)... If u enjoy food, maybe go to Penang/Ipoh/Melaka and go on an eating marathon or sth Basically a you-and-him day trip/overnight trip. If u haf sth in common like fishing (i doubt it ) then u can organize a fishing trip. Fishing's just an example.
I'm no expert, but I'll tell you what my wife does that makes me happy: When I come home from work and finish dinner, she always lets me lay on her lap and strokes my hair. It makes me feel very loved and relaxed. When we sleep, she holds on to me the way a child would hang on and makes me feel very wanted and very masculine. She used to buy or make me lunch and bring it to me in between classes when we were still at Uni. That made me feel like she cares about me & my health/well being. Its a bonus when she gives me the food in front of my friends. Guys love attention just as much as women. So I loved all the jealous looks I get from my buddies whose girlfriends never did that for them. Now that she makes money, she will buy me spa packages for the weekend so I can get a massage and relax. We get massages together in the same room many times which feels very erotic. After working all week, and sleeping in on the weekends, my wife sometimes makes me breakfast. The fragrance of the food would wake me up, and she would bring me the food so I can have it in bed. That always makes me happy =) There are many other things, but these are my favorite. And looking at the list, I would say they either involve physical contact or food lol =) So I guess it's not all wrong to say that "the shortest path to a man's heart this through his stomach." lol
@babyrain : He used to like fishing. Then he feels it's cruel for the poor fish so he doesn't fish anymore. Maybe we'd go Cameron Highlands. Haven't been there before, can you imagine? Do you think he'd enjoy it more if I asked his friends along? I think he thinks flowers are girly but he appreciated my sincerity. What home made delivery service?
@Ribsandbbqbeef: Sounds like I have done most of those... But hey, getting massages together in the same room is cool but I won't feel erotic.. Feels kinda weird with another additional two persons in the same room...
Oh, you are so right on babyrain ! Most guys love getting flowers. Before I actually received any, I thought it was awakward and effeminate for a guy to receive flowers. However the few times my wife sent me flowers, I really felt special and liked them a lot. So ladies, there's a secret weapon for you that works....and vouced by a man =) I secretly have a longing for my wife to give me some flowers, but it takes the meaning out of it if I tell her lol....so I'm patiently still waiting....
@ribsandbbqbeef : Give your wife's number to me. =P I'd call her and tell her you like flowers. I'd try lunch I think. Thanks for the advice. Babyrain too.
Haha, you have to imagine the masseuse are not there, close your eyes and enjoy the massage, and take fleeting glances at your partner next to you, naked, and the look of pleasure on her face.... I dunno, maybe it's just me then. But massages are alway nice =)
Lol.. my fren likes to fish and then releases the fish back into the water Hmm may not be a good idea to ask his frens along as the idea of the trip is to 'revive the passion' in ur relationship rite? Kinda feels impersonal if his friends tag along. Besides it'll be less of a romantic trip and more like an outing. And he'll haf to act macho in front of his frens. -ann If u like nature and quiet, u'll like cameron. Haha home made delivery service is just a joke me and my ex made. It's like "Hmm so did u like my menu of delivery today?" and he'd be like "ya very nice!" coz I usually like to make different dishes for his lunch. For eg, I'd make a burger one day, and maybe cook some rice/okra/chicken the next day, and then some fried noodles. A variety... ahah. And I never tell him when i am coming.. Give him a surprise, waiting at his canteen.
