Okay here's my dilemma. Me, this guy and another girl are really good friends with each other. The guy and girl have been friends for four years and she was introduced to me through him after she broke up with her bf. I developed feelings for her several weeks after meeting her as we connected really well. The other guy suddenly realized after a bad string of luck with girls, that she was probably the one for him. So he is going after her now, too. We both admitted how we feel about her and she kind of breaks down and doesn't know what to do. She expressed to the both of us that she wanted the three of us to remain friends so that a relationship among any of us shouldn't happen. She felt like the only option she had was to stop talking to the both of us for a while. When I heard about what she wanted to do, I drove to their city that is about an hour away from where I live and got the guy out of his f'ing bed and went to her house to convince her that I rather not let that happen. Despite her plea to stay friends, the guy is still trying to go after the girl, while I on the other hand, respect her decision. She expressed to me that she doesn't really have any real interest in being with him because they've been friends for so long. Today I kind of got the vibe that he was upset with me over something. I asked him what is bothering him; he tells me to stop going after the girl. He said the girl told him I was making advances towards her. Well, the story behind that is that we were hanging out at a department store, and she grabs my arm and drags me to check something out. I later find out that she told him that I "tried to hold her hand" when she grabbed me. I was like WTF? I don't even hug my best girl friends. He asked me to not interfere with his chances with her but honestly, I still really like her and I don't know what to do. Also, he bought up the NYE rave we went to, saying that I was purposely trying to hold her when all I was doing was minding my own business. She was the one that came to me and wanted to give me a lap dance (hehehe) and giving me kisses. It's always been her that puts the moves on me, not the other way around. He lives 5 minutes away from her, while I live about an hour. Should I just forget about this girl? or go after her. This girl I've known for only a couple months brought me an expensive ($100) gift for XMAS and that just puzzles me. Who would spend that much on someone they barely know, unless they wanted to make a statement? I'm getting really mixed signals about this girl and I don't know what the flip to do about it. Any advice? It's 4AM and I'm pissed. :[ edit: Also, before someone tells me to talk to her, she is sleeping and I thought everything was okay until the guy mentioned something to me at 3AM to which I am writing this post.
This reminds me of the first scene of Saw 3D. Where The 2 friend were in a dilemma whether they save themselves or the girl they like by killing each other. Since they both loved her they tried to kill each other, until they found out she was manipulating their feelings. All she has to do is make a decision. As she has told you, she doesn't like him more then a friend. Why can't she tell him, face to face. There, .... problem solved! The relationship between you three ain't going be the same as it used to be anyways. The longer you drag this on, the longer it's going to hurt I would stay out of this complicated friend/relationship, too much drama.
Well a lot of stuff just went down since I posted this. One day the guy was acting weird, so I was like what's up? He told me it was nothing, but I could sense something was bothering him. He told me to stop ruining his chances with her. I asked him, "what are you talking about? I'm not doing anything." He told me that they've been secretly "dating" for who knows how long and that it was hard because I was there all the time. We then talked on the phone for hours, and he said that he knows that I still like her, even though we said that we only stay friends and nothing more. He accused me of a lot of stuff, and that I was the reason to why their relationship was deteriorating. I said to him, "you know what? I'll just stop interfering with you both and stop visiting you guys." I told him it would hurt me to be around the girl so I wanted to move on, and the only way was to delete her from my life. The girl messaged me the next morning about a trip to Vegas. I told her to call the guy and he'll explain everything. She found out that I did some drugs and she cried. It was not related to this incident though. Text messages go back and forth and she said that if us three are not friends, then none of us will be friends. She apologized for what she did behind my back. The three of us agreed to remain just friends, but I don't know if I want to trust the both of them. The guy kept telling me that some day in the future he know that they will be together again. I think she's pretty much a lost cause. The guy still thinks that he will someday be with her. I'm thinking the answer is easy to figure out that I should just move on and find another girl. But what do you guys think?
Give it up man shes just causin trouble tellin the other guy that u were tryna make a move on her when she was the one thats tryna lead u on
you "friend" is failing miserably at being a friend as for the girl, she says she doesn't like the dude, then goes to date the guy? lmao. if i were you, i'd flip them both off and walk away. yes i know, it's not that easy.
Just do that. Your time is too valuable to waste it on those b*tch*s... And to me, it only looks like she was holding you as a backup.
She's messing with you both. Don't waste your time. It's not worth it. And why do you think suck with girls?? Because of this!! You'll find your girl. Be patient
find a new girl! this one is sooooo not worth it and she lives so far from you. an hour for a slutty girl like that! you have better things to do with your time.
Yea I confronted her about everything. I mean we just agreed to stay friends, that was what I hoped for at least. I still don't know why she would buy me such an expensive Christmas present. Since then I've stopped visiting her as much
she secretly wants you. she is telling misleading stories because she wants you to do these things. even though in reality you didnt. she is trying to hint to the other guy you are serious. you must step up your efforts. he lives 5 min from her. you must move. be 1 min from her. then you win.
Hahaha I don't know about secretly wanting me. She did wish that I was closer so that we could see more of each other. She even asked me to find a job up in the Los Angeles area so it would be a reason for me to move closer. When I ran into trouble she did offer me a place to stay at her home, even if it make her parents question who I was. She could have easily told me to just find somewhere else to stay. Man, I don't know, just so confusing. All these mixed signals T_______T Also, I don't think she's slutty although a lot of guys have taken advantage of her to which I found out after she shared many secrets with me. This girl has fallen prey to many guys that abused her, so it kind of sucks that she won't even give me a chance after seeing what kind of guys she has been with/dated. Girls always complain about assholes/being treated badly, but when a nice guy like me comes along they think I'm too innocent for them. Lol? What a strange world this is. Nice guys do finish last
I hope you don't mind me asking Iris; but are you a dude or a chick? Despite your "...but when a nice guy like me comes along," I find it odd that you would choose to masquerade under a feminine nom de net. I don't know about the veracity of 'nice guys finishing last' but being a Boy Named Sue (or in this case, Iris) could be cause for her rejection of you. I'm not saying that your name in real life is a female's name, but rather, that a guy who chooses to use a woman's name in the anonymity of the internet, bespeaks volumes about his personality. It may be rather your personality that is causing her to decline your offers. Quite frankly, she's already made her choice by 'secretly' going out with the other guy; it doesn't matter what she tells you as women generally don't want to be personally responsible for decisions that can be seen as confrontational. In other words, she will go out with the other guy because she prefers him over you, but she won't tell you because she doesn't want an argument. However, the bottom line is, she already preferred him over you. For whatever the reason, you should move on, IMHO.
^thats what i thought when i saw this thread hahhaa its like wtf there's a guy named iris? So you saying he is feminine because of his name ralph? Blame his parents!
I think it unlikely that his parents name him Iris per se; rather, that he himself personally chose to use a woman's name as his internet persona (at least on this forum). Kind of like those creepy old bald fat guys who open Facebook accounts pretending to be beautiful young blond chicks. Their motivations, even if not absolutely unique, can still be considered fringe, so to speak. Needless to say, they view themselves as being above average and highly intelligent, often deriving a macabre sense of gratification in having fooled the public by their gender switched ruse. They genuinely have little real understanding that the general public usually sees them instead as being, at best strange, but more often, in need of psychiatric intervention. :Talktohand: Internet names and avatars are usually pretty keen barometers of their user's personalities. Men who pick names like Ace, Tiger, TopGun, Killer, etc., usually reflect those that are, or have a deep desire to be very masculine and of an aggressive nature. Men who pick names like Dreamer, FairyKing, Raindrop, etc., too, indicate that their feminine side is dominant, at least insofar as their internet personas. Those that undergo gender switching and clandestinely pretend to be a member of the opposite sex while on the net are a whole other psychiatric ball of wax that borders on the pathological. In this case, the OP had clearly, albeit belatedly, identified himself as a guy. None of the other things that he had discussed (in the course of human relationships) really struck me as being unusual except for his name. I found it odd and it just stuck out as a red flag to me, hence my original comment. Regardless of that however, my advice to him remains the same given that the women in question had already laid her cards on the table so to speak, with her already having gone out with his competition. In that case, it's already game over for him. He can either move on, or obsess over it; keep badgering her to change her mind, and then be arrested for stalking.
well, as one of my ex so eloquently put it. "you think too much". im not really knowledgeable on this topic. but i do remember when i used to be like you and think all sorts of things. it never went well. if i were you i wouldnt bother trying to guess her feelings or thoughts based on experiences like that so called offer to stay at her place. besides, you sound like you are in the friend zone. genuine friend zone, not friends with benefits or ex that are now friends that still do some things. my view is if you arent even IN a relationship with her, it is pointless thinking this much about it lol.
I also agree with the above - "bros before hos" You have a good relationship with your guy friend, ignore the girl and preserve what you have left.
